A needle of Hope
amid a haystack of Chaos.

  1. My Views on Being an Alpha Male

    As an alpha male, I disagree with pretty much everything except the "confidence" thing. The woman I want is 1) confident, yes, of at least of her own competence (I can (and like to) finesse out her other areas of confidence), 2) *available* to be brought into *my* world [I so do not have time or inclination to go into her's, not when there are many women who want to be with me], 3) *wants* to be brought into my world, 4) wants to be on my exclusive team (us vs the world), 5) is great supporter and cheer leader, 6) is gentle and kind [areas I sometimes lack], 7) *wants* to have children, 8) has chosen wisely not to have *too many* children (0 is preferred, but up to 2 young kids is OK, but if their father is involved in their lives, that is a deal killer.

    [Read more]

    Sunday, December 31st, 2017
    16:29:27 CST
  2. An Alternative To The Worldwide Immigration Order

    Imagine this law passing in countries around the world, starting with the U.S. and UK: No new immigrants into a country unless a city invites them -or- they pass a means test. An invitation would be given if two out of three conditions passed:

    [Read more]

    Sunday, January 3rd, 2016
    18:22:54 CST
  3. Three Forms of Suicide

    [Read more]
    Saturday, December 5th, 2015
    10:30:00 CST
  4. I applied!!

    I submitted my application for a career at jobs.coalitiontechnologies.com!

    Friday, October 16th, 2015
    11:46:40 CDT
  5. Homo Sensitivus: What I Hear

    When I'm in stillness, I hear a very very high pitched hum, coming from behind my face, behind my ears, and down.

    When I'm in ABSOLUTE stillness and lying prone on the bare desert Earth of the American Southwest, I hear a very low, deep down bumping sound that sounds sort of like bass from distant 18 wheelers continuously revving their engines, only much much lower. Momentarily, every now and then, I hear inside my head what can only be described as the sine waves testing sounds, for a only a second or three. Still don't know what those are.

    [Read more]

    Tuesday, December 2nd, 2014
    11:28:50 CST
  6. A Very Strange Dream

    Last night, I had a very vivid dream:

    I was visiting my parents' place, sleeping on the sofa instead of my childhood bedroom. I had just woken up, at around 9 AM. I immediately heard a horrible sound, like a freight train. I ran into the kitchen and warned my mother away from the noise, and she ran to the other side of the house.

    All of a sudden, a tornado ripped off the roof of the house and started carrying me, in slow motion (as I guess you'd experience, if you, too, were in a tornado).

    [Read more]

    Monday, May 19th, 2014
    08:21:06 CDT
  7. A Most Amazing Event

    One of the most amazing moments of my life happened when I was 24 years old and walking my dog down the street I grew up on.

    For the setup: It was December 1998, half-way through my 10th Grade Year. My entire life up til that point, I had been completely shunned by the opposite sex. No hugs, nothing I saw them doing w/ other guys.

    There was this absolutely, drop dead gorgeous girl, I'm going to call her Lana, who my heart skipped a beat whenever I saw her. She was the first girl who ever came onto me, in 10th Grade. She was a hot relative stranger in my Choir class. I had come over to help her with her math homework.
    [Read more]

    Thursday, March 27th, 2014
    12:39:10 CDT
  8. My Teen Years with My Age Peers

    Junior High was absolutely the worst for me. I was beat up and mercilessly tormented physically, emotionally, and I dare say spiritually on a daily basis at home, at school and at church. 1st through 5th grade, it'd happen maybe 4x a week. 6th-10th, pretty much every hour of every day.

    My parents let me spend 1 semester in a private school my 8th grade year, and Oh my God it was WONDERFUL, I was even allowed on the Football team and I *enjoyed* it so much! I love being defensive tackle ;-)
    [Read more]

    Thursday, March 27th, 2014
    11:29:45 CDT
  9. Why I'm Different [Smart ladies, read this] - 32

    [Read more]

    Monday, March 24th, 2014
    17:51:26 CDT
  10. We, The People, Are The Battered Wife!

    I super apologize to every troop ever who has had to suffer under the reigns of both Bush and Obama! 16 years of irrational, unethical and unprovoked wars is just too much!

    I also plead for the victims of our unchecked aggression to understand: We (The American People) are *the* Battered Wife! We've tried to leave in the near past (Civil War) near the beginning of the relationship, but were beat down so much we ended up in the emergency room for about 30 days (20 year "Reconstruction") and then brainwashed so heavily, every day, that we now believe it is ILLEGAL for us to leave again! OH, and we're scared to death, both collectively and individually, to try or to even be too loud and opinionated.

    Every day, we KNOW we're being spied on, treated as a criminal when we do NOTHING wrong, have our possessions taken from us, chosen what we can even buy and FORCED to buy things we do not want! OUr partner CONTROLS us increasingly more EVERY DAY and INCREASINGLY attacks us and threatens us in a myriad new ways.

    We've tried, oh we've tried! to talk to them (via the courts, protests, even mass movements for change) but they just thumb their nose at us and say, "Deal with it, Bitch! We know best! We're Bigger than you, and you NEED us." In fact, we almost all thoroughly believe we do NEED them or we would DIE> We can't possibly break away (secede) even for a day, or we wouldn't make it. Ask any of us and most would say that.

    [Read more]
    Saturday, September 28th, 2013
    20:02:09 CDT
  11. How To Keep Your Kindle Books after July 21, 2012

    T. Reader, I have some really bad news for you... 

    In 7 days, on July 21, Amazon is threatening to DISABLE every Kindle older than 1.10, which just won't work for me either. They have also pushed out new firmware to all Kindle hardware devices (even the old K4s) that not only adds "K8" support (they're new locked down file type) but also makes them bricked, too, if they're not upgraded. ALso, repots from the modders say that these latest hardware updates have removed all ability of users to mod their devices, which means there's no escape. 

    You should prepare *right* now if you want to hope on reading your books in the next 7 days if you don't want to depend on Amazon support to get their acts together before then:

    [Read more]
    Saturday, July 14th, 2012
    02:47:17 CDT
  12. DFX Audio Enhancer Now Extorts For Serial Number Recovery

    Dear FXSounds,

    You should forward this to whomever makes decisions around there.

    I've been a loyal DFX user and, I dare say, promoter and advocate for the better part of a decade now.

    Here is a list of my purchases:

    256506, 265984, 331743, 334096, 352060.

    Some time in 2011, your company stopped emailing serial numbers with the receipts. You pointed us to a URL where we could check our order and grab the serial. This was an OK compromise, even if every other app I buy online emails me the serial.

    [Read more]
    Sunday, June 3rd, 2012
    11:31:54 CDT
  13. SDLC: Waterfall Expectations vs. Agile Expectations

    NOTE: In these scenarios, assume that the project will take at least 200 hours and that the tasks have been trimmed to only the mission-critical and cannot be reduced further.

    The Waterfall Method Scenario:

    1. Come up w/ the project plan, 
    2. Have the devs come up time and effort estimations for each task, 
    3. Multiply that number by the number of projects your team must maintain in paralell with active development, plus one.
    4. Double the estimated hours and effort because developers are usually overly optimistic of their ability to churn out stuff by about that magnitude. The primary reasons for this are that when they estimate time, they expect to be uninterrupted, fully inspired, and being able to fully focus on the given task at hand. In reality, they are often interrupted by others (particularly side chatter), inspired only a few hours every day (and struggle to get into The Zone the rest), and are frequently sidetracked onto other tasks by their managers. That's when they aren't browsing the Net to cope with all the stress and lack of inspiration.
    5. If you are understaffed or there is a tight deadline, ssume a 35 hour work week due to exhausted staff. If both conditions persist, assume a 30 hour work week on average, because fatigue and sloppiness due to being rushed <strong>*and*</strong> exhausted will both become issues later, even if absolute hours are maintained.
    6. Assume 6 hours of 100% productive work a day with no weekend work, optimistically, and 4 hours conservatively.
    7. Plot the date on the calendar.
    8. Prepare to blow past that date (almost all Waterfall projects go substantially over both time and budget). Also prepare for geometrically increasing fatigue from your team members and impatience from the business.
    9. Set a new date and repeat Steps 5-9 until the project is finished or abandoned (15% likelihood).

    [Read more]
    Wednesday, May 16th, 2012
    12:53:14 CDT
  14. Is BPD Caused By a Memetic Parasite?

    Is Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) a literal Virus of the Mind? Is it contagious? For anyone who has lived with someone afflicted with it and other personality disorders (such as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)) can attest, their symptoms do tend to rub off on you. Eventually, if you're not careful, you start exhibiting much of the same behaviorisms, including paranoid, hot tempers, intolerence of other opinions, and black and white thinking.  Have you started to catch their bug yourself?

    Continue reading to find out more.

    [Read more]
    Wednesday, May 16th, 2012
    01:01:07 CDT
  15. Fix Facebook Comments font size in Chrome

    For months now, close to a year, I've been struggling to read Facebook comments inside Google Chrome. Have you had trouble reading small text in Chrome? How about that incredibly tiny text in Facebook comments in Google Chrome?

    Before: Small Facebook font
    After: Small Facebook font

    Below is my fool-proof solution to end this nightmare once and for all!

    [Read more]

    Monday, April 30th, 2012
    13:55:04 CDT
    Last modified: Monday, March 25th, 2013
    14:56:00 CDT
  16. Potential Loss vs Acceptance of The Now

    My bestest friend Curtis Youngberg just relayed this to me:

    Life is series of additions. Even when we lose something, we don't lose any happiness we derived from it, we only stop receiving it temporarily until we find something (usually better) that takes its place.

    I thoroughly agree with this message.

    [Read more]

    Saturday, March 26th, 2011
    20:56:40 CDT
  17. There *Must* be a Higher Power

    There *must* be a higher power. There simply must.

    Why do I say this? Because my life is too perfect right now. I have no rational basis to presume that my life could be so full of happiness, success, richness of experience, and outright serenity if it were not for some benevolent (or at least neutral) Higher Power (TM) orchestrating at least the more meaningful "coincidences" (Watch How to harness synchronicty) in my life.

    To that Higher Power, whatever or whomever it is, Thanks. Thanks for showing me how to harness my own Energy to shape my own Reality, and thanks for helping me teach others.

    Saturday, March 26th, 2011
    06:02:30 CDT
  18. Truthers Manifesto

    1. I am of the opinion that discovering reality is one of the core reasons I am Alive. That Life is the discovery of what to Ask, not so much knowing.
    2. I know practically nothing.
    3. I only know what I have discovered objectively via my own sense perceptions after careful scientific process (the Objective process).
    4. I intuit patterns based upon sound reasoning (the inductive method).
    5. I have few strong beliefs which are almost totally based upon objective observations and inductive reasoning.
    [Read more]
    Thursday, March 17th, 2011
    13:04:55 CDT
  19. Beware: Easy Duplicate Finder purchase only lasts 1 year (www.easyduplicatefinder.com)

    My complaint to Easy Duplicator:

    I realized **AFTER** purchasing (only when viewing the "About" dialog in the app) that $39 had only purchased one year's worth of updates.

    I am a Software Engineer and a highly detailed—oriented person. This is the **first time ever** that I have missed that software was time—limited.

    [Read more]

    Friday, March 4th, 2011
    03:55:53 CST
  20. WANdisco vs Apache

    Original: https://blogs.apache.org/foundation/entry/apache_subversion_to_wandisco_1

    To "", your angry rhetoric seems way over the top to me, a long—time user of CVS, SVN, BZR and other SCMs.

    To me, a complete outsider to the byzantine world of SVN development, all of the problems David pointed out in his blog posts are problems I have personally experienced —— and caused me great pain and loss of productivity —— for more than half a decade with SVN. I swear, merging wasn't nearly so scary with CVS, because at least it was a more transparent (if faulty) process!

    [Read more]

    Tuesday, January 4th, 2011
    11:39:00 CST
  21. Class Warfare and the Ameircan

    If you really know what's going on in the world, you'll see there's abundant proof that very real and high—stakes class warfare going on, where the top 0.1% (really, less than 10,000 men) pit the bottom 50% of the U.S. and the world against everyone else.

    They're engineering a system where

    • if they strengthen the USD and Euro, the bottom 50% will no longer receive subsidized healthcare, food, housing, unemployment benefits, or welfare in general;

    • * if they dramatically weaken the USD and the Euro, the unprepared middle to upper classes (e.g. the vast majority of well—offs) will be downsized to the downtrodden serf class.

    [Read more]

    Friday, December 17th, 2010
    02:19:00 CST
  22. What to expect going forth into 2009 with collapsinig economies, millions of homeless, American economic refugees, etc

    The economy will contract some 25—33% of what it was last month (it's already contracted 4%, globally, 6%). Europe and Asia will be fucking devastated, as nearly—100% of American equity flees for U.S. city tax—free municipal bonds. Taxes fall as incomes plummet and poor, homeless people refuse to pay taxes.
    $5 to $10,000 is taken off of the average national income. CEO wages go from 300x to 5x the average worker, average workers lose 15—20% of their payrate, while inflation increases 15—20% per year.
    [Read more]

    Friday, August 10th, 2007
    17:24:00 CDT
  23. Good but stressful month

    I really like 2007 thus far. But I am incredibly stressed out recently, especially now.

    And sad, too. Irrationally. Well, not so irrationally, but I don't want to publically go into it.

    Friday, January 19th, 2007
    13:29:47 CST
    Last modified: Friday, January 19th, 2007
    13:31:50 CST
  24. What we should seriously consider doing now

    Don't sell all your stocks ... move the money into international funds, preferably ones heavier in Europe after the new rule put in place in Thailand that gave the Asian markets a shiver. It is not in China's interest to dump all those dollars onto the market at once since the US is buying so many of the products China is exporting. I think we will see a slow, steady slide over all of 2007.

    If the dollar gets too unstable or drops too low in value, OPEC is going to start selling oil in euros instead of Dollars, so you win on two fronts investing your dollars into mutual funds that hold stoc
    [Read more]

    Tuesday, December 19th, 2006
    10:51:53 CST
    Last modified: Tuesday, December 19th, 2006
    10:52:09 CST
  25. Back on track


    Tonight, mere minutes ago, I was driving through a rain—hazed rush hour towards my domicile while listening and singing (quite loudly) to Anastacia — Left Outside Alone, and it *hit* me:

    For seemingly the first time, and certainly with the most punch, I feel totally in the right spot in my life, which is bizarre because one of the few things I have done in the last 24 hours was write Crefn an email and start reading the first few pages of James Redfield's The Tenth Insight, which I'm not for sure if Crefn has read but it wouldn't surprise me.

    Let me repeat it: even though there are so many uncertainties with my life, I am where I should be doing what I should be doing and living how I should be living. I'm *almost* where I was a few years ago: the state of no regrets.
    [Read more]

    Monday, December 11th, 2006
    18:38:35 CST
    Last modified: Monday, December 11th, 2006
    18:42:58 CST
  26. Existential Poem

    I have listened And I have looked With open eyes. I have poured my soul Into the world Seeking the unknown Within the known. And I sing out loud In amazement. Rabindranath Tagore
    Saturday, October 28th, 2006
    20:50:05 CDT
    Last modified: Saturday, October 28th, 2006
    22:39:07 CDT
  27. Massive profits, mediocre growth

    Listen, the clickfraud gates were opened in March 2006. Certain major corporations (I only know of 1 but there may be others) secretly encourage clickfraud by arbitrarily reducing their filters and dogmatically refusing to prosecute scammers. One company in particular is in a very public alliance with these asshats and simultaneously uses it to generate billions in income *and* as both a scapegoat for poor quality (which it probably artificially caused to happen, to increase revenue!) and to strong—arm the more naive, honest SEOs into what not to do, so as to create an even more unfair field for the blackhats to amass pay per click fortunes (and w/ the company collecting 50%).
    [Read more]

    Sunday, October 22nd, 2006
    13:19:35 CDT
    Last modified: Sunday, October 22nd, 2006
    13:19:55 CDT
  28. Depths of Depression

    I had a massive relapse tonight.

    Between the flood and spending 4 1/2 hours trying to get home Monday to YHOO crashing on Tuesday and Wednesday, the end of habeas corpus on Wednesday and my piss poor job that only pays $400 a week (yes! $OUR HUNDRED FUCKING DOLLARS A WEEK) and yet i've saved many times that amount.

    My hormones are totally fucked up. I rage and cry, i am hungry and not hungry at the same time, hold *and* cold, my lips are numb, feet are swolen, pupils dialated, there are purple rings around the inside of my fingernails which are segregated into bands of pink. And I am totally, dare I say irrationally, depressed.
    [Read more]

    Wednesday, October 18th, 2006
    22:33:15 CDT
    Last modified: Wednesday, October 18th, 2006
    22:39:34 CDT
  29. Time to Short Sell the GOOG

    Coming from a swing trader and SEO, I can say with some authority that GOOG is posed to break $450 within coming days due to the YouTube buyout. When this occurs, some jackass economist will point out, rightly so, that YouTube is —400 million in debt and has no realistic business model. Then it will shift on GOOG Video which was only supposed to be a YouTube killer but always did abysmal.

    However it works out, and news is virtually irrelevant when dealing with frenetically over—valued stock, GOOG's "tension point", the point where old investors view they have a golden opportunity to get out while the getting's good (after irrationally holding on to it *far* (years) longer than they normally would have (it really is completely overvalued)) and new people will find it cost—prohibitive.
    [Read more]

    Monday, October 9th, 2006
    23:51:48 CDT
    Last modified: Monday, October 9th, 2006
    23:52:10 CDT
  30. MySQL Replication Test

    This is a test of my setup of MySQL 5.0 database replication. If successful, the story will also end up on www2.incendiary.ws simultaneously.

    Saturday, September 30th, 2006
    20:49:42 CDT
    Last modified: Saturday, September 30th, 2006
    21:03:05 CDT
  31. My New Monitor (Massif)

    All told, this cost slightly more than your midscale desktop (~1100); and that includes the ATI x1900 GT. Half—Life 2, totally maxed—out at 100 fps at 1360x768 :—)
    Ted's new monitor
    Monitor is a Westinghouse 32"—wide (3.5 sqft) LTV—32w6 HDTV connected via HDMI. The program is the background is EarthSim, and yes, that is the area of sunlight on the North American continent at the
    [Read more]
    Friday, September 15th, 2006
    21:19:25 CDT
    Last modified: Friday, September 15th, 2006
    21:28:34 CDT
  32. An Abortion Dialogue


    You're going to have to convince people you are not a religious nutjob. If you do believe in the Rapture and believe insane things like the moment of life is conception, well, my friend, you will never convince any one of any thing short of your own insanity, so just stop trying; focus on your own anti—intellectual bigotted mentality first.

    HOwever, if you are a rational person w/ no heavily—irrational biasness, consider this dialogue:
    A = abortionist | L = prolife
    A: Abortion is the right of Every woman.
    L: Nah man, abortion is murder
    A: Nah you're wrong, feti aren't babies.
    [Read more]

    Wednesday, September 6th, 2006
    20:17:52 CDT
    Last modified: Wednesday, September 6th, 2006
    20:18:03 CDT
  33. The Great U.S. Housing Bust

    Hey, you need solar or wind electricity stat. Seriously. Buy now. It could very well be more valuable than gold.

    During huricane Rita i was in a southern suburb of Houston. Every one frigin evacuated, except us, including hte city electricians. The night of the hurricane, my entire suburb went dark. Downed trees and such.

    My house was the only w/ power. It was 100 F w/ 100% humidity outside. Four of my neighbors had not evacuated. We put up signs saying "AC and cold water — $10/hr" and we then proceeded to ride bikes around w/ shotguns and pistols, because the gangs were rampaging the lesser—guarded neighborhoods in my town.
    [Read more]

    Sunday, August 27th, 2006
    01:33:58 CDT
    Last modified: Sunday, August 27th, 2006
    01:34:20 CDT
  34. On Personal Honour

    All I can say is, Wow :O
    I've been asked what I mean by word of honor. I will tell you. Place me behind prison walls — walls of stone ever so high, ever so thick, reaching ever so far into the ground — there is a possibility that in some way or another I may escape; but stand me on the floor and draw a chalk line around me and have me give my word of honor never to cross it. Can I get out of the circle? No. Never! I'd die first! —Karl G. Maeser (founder of Brigham Young University)
    Tuesday, June 20th, 2006
    23:19:01 CDT
    Last modified: Tuesday, June 20th, 2006
    23:20:14 CDT
  35. Diagnosis Ted [Dabrowski's Overexcitabilities]

    --- Original message follows ---
    Subject: Diagnosis Ted [Dabrowski's Overexcitabilities]
    From: "HopeSeekr of xMule" <hopeseekr@redacted>
    Date: 2006-08-09 02:29

    OK; it's 2'30 in the AM here, so I'm sort of foggy.

    But this is me!!!

    I can't stand the feel of grass; never have :O I match every thing I read (~80% of the total). I'm very "clingy" in relationships and desire sex but have never had intercourse, etc. OMG :O

    But is this bad??? I personally *love* being me (except for the entire unrequitted love thing) and I would *hate* it if they started medicating away my personality :O I figure if more were like me we would be more empathetic and be able to take care of each other and generally have great romantic relationships, bring peace to earth, colonize the stars, etc.

    here's to dreaming and striving to bring our dreams true.

    Dabrowski's Overexcitabilities

    Often the source of much distress and idiosynchrocies in the life of children (and later on adults) with higher intellectual abilities, Overexcitabilities have been identified in studies conducted by Dabrowski that identify the following five primary groups:

    [Read more]
    Wednesday, August 9th, 2006
    07:21:47 CDT
  36. I'm a "Chosen One"?

    The Ultimate Personality Test

    The Real You: A Scientific Analysis

    Ted, you're a Chosen One!

    Wherever you go, you leave a trail of rose petals in your wake. You may even have been Gandhi in a former life. Warm, giving, knowing, and patient, people try to get mad at you, but they feel terrible about it later. As a child, you easily could have convinced your entire class to stage a sit-in against the math teacher, but you're too sweet. Perky and armed with tons of self-confidence, you're not afraid to actively pursue your goals and dreams.

    As if all that weren't enough, you pretty much set the standard for emotional health. You practically ooze positive feelings and energy. You don't worry about minor faults but recognize both your strengths and weaknesses. Your generally upbeat mood means it takes a lot to really bring you down. And you're no fair-weather friend. You care about people, and you see them through the good times and bad.

    Your personality is actually determined by two personality sub—types — your primary, or dominant sub-type, and your secondary sub—type. You are a Chosen One which means you are a Golden / Seeker. Your primary sub-type is defined by "Golden" characteristics and your secondary sub-type is defined by "Seeker" characteristics.

    That means you're warm, giving, knowing, and patient. Chances are you're not afraid to actively pursue your goals and dreams. As if all that weren't enough, you pretty much set the standard for emotional health by being filled with positive feelings and energy.
    [Read more]

    Tuesday, June 20th, 2006
    08:33:29 CDT
    Last modified: Tuesday, June 20th, 2006
    08:44:29 CDT
  37. Illuminated Secrets to How the World Works

    In short they want to create the perfect panopticon.

    The universe as we know it is Maya (hindi for "illusion") ala the Matrix. We have psychic beings that must feed off other's energy like the Ori of Stargate in order to survive. They communicate with certain humans via mental telepathy and for the most part these humans think it is *they* themselves who think such thoughts. Some humans are genetically far superior to this form of manipulation than others, this is where you get the "royal bloodlines" and all that stuff. They feed specifically on the emotions of fear and hate.

    Therefore all current world politics is aimed at increasing fear and hate, primarily in the 20th century through civil wars and now in the 21st via terrorism and race wars (coming soon to Euro and America). These theoretically immortal beings —— not unlike the physical vampires of lore (who are really humans—in—training to become these 'masters') —— have had numerous and changing goals for humanity since the "beginning" (probably some 300,000 years ago and spanning several species of humanoid); at first they just wanted rare materials such as gold and what not probably in a bid to entice other aliens to come rescue them, but since that apparently failed (for instance, the nuclear blast craters in egypt called the "libyan glass desert") approx 4,000 years ago, they have shifted gears quite dramtically.

    [Read more]

    Thursday, June 8th, 2006
    09:36:39 CDT
    Last modified: Thursday, June 8th, 2006
    09:37:42 CDT
  38. Do you date awesome guys?

    [EDIT: I have *no* idea who this was originally addressed to. It didn't work out, obviously.]

    my pic Do you date awesome guys?

    I'd really like to know. I've been wanting to know for a while now. I guess I have nothing to lose now. I'm handsome, everything is going for me, I'm highly intelligent, passionate, motivated, going places.

    I'm a skilled craftsman at my trade, no debt, I make in excess of [censored] per year now (up from $100,000+ at SpeedFC), Top 10% in assets and i'm just 29. fuck. I come from a good rich family with long-lived and healthy family members. Good genes.

    [Read more]

    Friday, April 1st, 2011
    23:24:37 CDT
  39. Glitch in the Matrix: The Morphing Squirrel

    Yesterday I was driving to Jack in the Box for lunch, when I spied at the lower right-hand of my vision, about 20 feet away, a little greyish squirrel bounding across a lawn, then the street 10 feet in front of me.

    I pressed hard on my brakes, but the little critter cleared my car by about 1/2 a foot. Yet, when I looked down to the left of my car, about 5 feet in front of me, I saw something very fucking strange. The squirrel was still scampering across the remaining 3/4ths of the road; my mind saw a squirrel, but my eyes did not fully comprehend what they were seeing. It was so strange that I became transfixed totally in the moment, the full second of it, trying to come to grasp with what I was seeing...I *know* with every fiber of my being that it was a little grey squirrel on one side and then a blur and then, a split—second later, a slithering black nake, and a split—second further, I saw this "thing" transform into a black—greyish 1 1/2 inch thick, 4 foot long sash/ribbon.

    [Read more]

    Tuesday, May 23rd, 2006
    11:11:12 CDT
    Last modified: Tuesday, May 23rd, 2006
    11:26:06 CDT
  40. SEO Defintion — Search Engine Optimization is...

    SEO is the long—term, initially dramatic, maintainence and tweaking of a web application that appeals to users in a way that explicitly puts accessibility ahead of bells and whistles; designed for the express purpose of creating long—term mindshare dominance for key phrases the human gestalt(*) is more or less likely to repeatedly type in a potentially lucrative situation.

    It is the syngery of design, outreach, marketting, usability and the underlying engineering that allows all this to co—exist in a more or less efficient manner, despite the constant friction that each of those disciplines impose on each other (for instance: the desire of design and management to implement image—only navigation bars).
    [Read more]

    Thursday, May 18th, 2006
    07:52:13 CDT
    Last modified: Thursday, May 18th, 2006
    07:53:29 CDT
  41. If I were a video game construct

    What Video Game Character Are You? I am a Light Cycle.I am a Light Cycle.

    I drive fast, I turn fast, I do everything fast. I even breakfast. I tend to confuse people with my sudden changes of heart. Sometimes I even confuse myself, which tends to cause problems. What Video Game Character Are You?
    Tuesday, May 2nd, 2006
    11:10:30 CDT
    Last modified: Tuesday, May 2nd, 2006
    11:11:09 CDT
  42. Incendiary is 1 Year Old!

    As of today, Incendiary is celebraiting its first birthday party :—) The first post was about, of all things, frist psots [sic].

    And while the original inspiration for this site was dashed under rocks by a woman I once loved, it has grown on me in a way few things have and is the closest thing to a diary I keep. Just skimming through it you can chart my spiritual development fairly well.

    I hope you enjoy this site a fraction as much as I do.

    Thursday, April 27th, 2006
    21:46:21 CDT
    Last modified: Thursday, April 27th, 2006
    21:49:07 CDT
  43. Natasha Richardson Synchronicity

    Natasha RichardsonSo, tonight I came home and turned on the TV; it was a repeat of Stargate Atlantis so I quickly flipped to StarzW (522). There was a 1998 movie (Parent Trap) staring Lindsey Lohan as an 11 yr—old mediocre actress but the movie was made alive by the magical stage art of Natasha Richardson, whom I've never seen before. Indeed, this is really one of seven movies she has made since Parent Trap and I didn't recognize a single name.

    [Read more]
    Saturday, April 22nd, 2006
    00:02:25 CDT
    Last modified: Thursday, May 4th, 2006
    23:14:24 CDT
  44. Tom DeLay resigned; Fascist apparatus broken!

    Tom DeLay just resigned!!! He went from being arguably the 4th most powerful person in the world, just under Karl Rove, as the Majority Leader of the Republican Party from 2000 to 2005. He had his leadership role revoked when a judge decided there were some merits to the conspiracy charges leveled against him in 2004. his 2004 redistricting of the Texas zones, especially in my home city of Houston, gave the Republicans the majority control of Congress they needed to effectively ram through every piece of Bush legislation he desired.

    At 5 PM one of his Congressional staff aides pleaded guilty to the conspiracy charges and the Republicans were so afraid of him being convicted before the General Election in November that he resigned and will promptly move to Virginia so that a new Republican nominee that is yet to be determined may run in his stead.

    [Read more]
    Monday, April 3rd, 2006
    22:21:17 CDT
    Last modified: Tuesday, April 4th, 2006
    22:34:03 CDT
  45. U.S.A. on Brink of Bush Dictatorship

    When it comes to talking about Bush Tyranny, Mr. Feingold (D—Wi) said to the U.S. Senate today:
    "If we in the Congress don't stand up for ourselves and the American people, we become complicit in the lawbreaking..." Feingold rejected the suggestion that Congress should surrender its oversight responsibilities in wartime. "Under this theory, we no longer have a constitutional system consisting of three co—equal branches of government, we have a monarchy."
    Saturday, April 1st, 2006
    15:37:03 CST
    Last modified: Saturday, April 1st, 2006
    15:43:02 CST
  46. Awesome GMail Alternative


    This letter is meant to inform you that I have officially changed my email address to hopeseekr —at— xmule.ws. I finally found the solution to my GMail addiction [1]: After about a year of looking for alternatives, I found www.webmail.us, which has a *much* nicer user interface and ::gasp:: far more functionality (including integrated RSS, calendar, file trading, much more advanced search, ability to embed pics, email archiving in zip format, notepad, ability to check external mail accounts, etc, etc, etc). It also supports the GMail 'conversation' style as well as nested and traditional email organization methods.
    [Read more]

    Monday, March 20th, 2006
    22:20:33 CST
    Last modified: Monday, March 20th, 2006
    22:24:44 CST
  47. German HopeSeekr stole my nick :—/

    Thursday, March 16th, 2006
    11:30:24 CST
    Last modified: Thursday, March 16th, 2006
    11:30:47 CST
  48. U.S. Economic Meltdown: March 20th, 2006 [READ!!]

    Hi, I realize most of you would classify yourself as politically inactive, but I think a 5 day window from now to the 20th is an almost surrealistic period to impart to the uninquisitive masses (75% of whom think the USA has a population of 1 to 2 billion [1, pdf, p15], [2, ppt]) how thoroughly screwed end—game America's situation is today, because of our would—be Weltfßhrer [3], Dubya. What I refer to specifically is the Federal debt limit. Bush Sr. and Jr. have done more to increase this debt than any presidents ever. The debt ratio to national GDP has increased 3 fold since Ford [4] and is on an exponential increase in real terms [5] since Bush Jr. took over. On November 18th, 2004, Congress raised the debt limit to 8.18 trillion dollars, it last being set back in 1984 by the Reagan administration, and forecasted to last until 2030. But unexpectedly, "[j]ust the increase in the debt ceiling over the past three years is nearly 2 1/2 times the entire federal debt accumulated between 1776 and 1980." [6]
    [Read more]
    Wednesday, March 15th, 2006
    20:39:46 CST
    Last modified: Wednesday, March 15th, 2006
    21:26:50 CST
  49. Google Changed My Home Page

    I just went to www.google.com and this is it gave me. I can't figure out how it got all that information! I have never used Google Personalized home yet somehow it knows what stocks I've been searching in the normal SERPs, my city, a website I read frequently, and news stories that do, in fact, interest me. Makes me wonder if this is not the precursor to the Panopticon.

    Google Personalized Search[Read more]

    Saturday, February 18th, 2006
    11:59:36 CST
    Last modified: Sunday, February 19th, 2006
    22:05:46 CST
  50. SEO Test Deux

    Arizona's Popular Venues

    Thursday, February 2nd, 2006
    13:41:02 CST
    Last modified: Thursday, February 2nd, 2006
    13:41:28 CST
  51. New Server

    I have *finally* moved this site to a new server. This is the NEW server.

    Thursday, February 2nd, 2006
    13:28:58 CST
    Last modified: Thursday, February 2nd, 2006
    13:29:36 CST
  52. *So* Thirteen Thirty—Seven!

    Nick! Hey! You're so Thirteen Thirty—Seven! And you're even more so if you can figure out what that means!

    Same goes to you to. Leave comments if you have cracked the riddle.
    while I won't censor posts, I *will* reverse the letters of every post with the answer to keep the thrill alive :—)

    Wednesday, January 25th, 2006
    18:32:13 CST
    Last modified: Wednesday, January 25th, 2006
    18:50:58 CST
  53. Scientists Discover The Soul

    Do Not Offend Water — It Remembers Every Word You Say At Last Scientist Are Discovering The Soul It is actually fairly rare for me to uncover recent articles that explain a significant aspect of the reality framework I have adopted — systemic memory. Systemic Memory extends common sense notions that are hardly ever extropolated and melds with known quantum physics facts of non—locality (actions instantaneous at a distance without transfer of information/energy), quantum pairing (the resulting bond between any two particles wherein if you know how one is behaving you will know how the other is; any where it may be in the universe) and the uncertainty principle (matter will behave as a wave if you expect it to or particles if you expect that).
    [Read more]
    Wednesday, January 18th, 2006
    07:53:50 CST
    Last modified: Friday, January 20th, 2006
    11:20:19 CST
  54. [Uncrawable link] Better than rel="nofollow"!

    There are many reasons why you wouldn't want a page to be viewed by a search engine. The only ways I've ever seen were always passive. Sure you can put in rules in robots.txt or use the relatively new and totally unpredictable rel="nofollow", but what about this:

    The Uncrawlable Link (www.xmule.ws)

    Here is a *real* test. This link has never been crawled and is linked to only from this page. If it is ever cached, please regard this information as outdated.

    [Read more]

    Friday, January 13th, 2006
    09:13:06 CST
    Last modified: Friday, January 13th, 2006
    09:43:10 CST
  55. Thomas Paine on Revolution

    "Tyranny, like hell, is not easily conquered. Yet we have this consolation with us: That the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly. 'Tis dearness only that gives everything its value."
    — Thomas Paine

    Tuesday, January 3rd, 2006
    09:10:45 CST
    Last modified: Tuesday, January 3rd, 2006
    09:11:15 CST
  56. It Happened! Rep. Conyers: Impeach Bush!

    Take that! Biatch! Below is a copy of the letter Representative John Conyers sent to every single House of Representative...
    Dear Fellow Representative, I am taking steps against the Bush Administration's handling of the Iraq War and its collection of intelligence. I am going to need you to stand with me in fighting for accountability. Join me to demand censure for Bush and Cheney in addition to the creation of a Special Committee to investigate impeaching the Bush Administration for its widespread abuses of power.
    [Read more]
    Thursday, December 29th, 2005
    15:27:03 CST
    Last modified: Thursday, December 29th, 2005
    15:30:00 CST
  57. Illegitimate Nature of European Union

    As an American freedom striver, I am fairly amazed that so many Europeans passively accept the fascist nature of the European Union. How many of the European MPs that voted for this resolution did you actually vote for? Most of all, where are the checks and balances?

    As an ardent student of American and European history, I must confess that the European Union is in a cross—roads crossed disasterously by the united states of America [sic] back in 1864, when Abraham Lincoln forged a single United Federal State at gun—point and the lives of a million people. You *mustn't* similarily give up your self—determinism for some fascist collective! If power indeed corrupts, the only politicians that should have sway over your personal lives should be (literally) within the arms reach of a well—armed populace; otherwise, it only takes one armed tyrant to control 1,000.
    [Read more]

    Wednesday, December 14th, 2005
    11:22:00 CST
    Last modified: Wednesday, December 14th, 2005
    11:24:30 CST
  58. George W. Bush: "Because I Got High"


    Sunday, December 11th, 2005
    16:52:15 CST
    Last modified: Sunday, December 11th, 2005
    16:52:54 CST
  59. “It’s just a goddamned piece of paper!” — George W. Bush

    Last month, Republican Congressional leaders filed into the Oval Office to meet with President George W. Bush and talk about renewing the controversial USA Patriot Act.
    GOP leaders told Bush that his hardcore push to renew the more onerous provisions of the act could further alienate conservatives...

    “I don’t give a goddamn,” Bush retorted. “I’m the President and the Commander—in—Chief. Do it my way.”

    “Mr. President,” one aide in the meeting said. “There is a valid case that the provisions in this law undermine the Constitution.”

    “Stop throwing the Constitution in my face,” Bush screamed back. “It’s just a goddamned piece of paper!”

    [Read more]

    Friday, December 9th, 2005
    19:01:40 CST
    Last modified: Friday, December 9th, 2005
    19:06:28 CST
  60. U.S.A.: The Scientific Dictatorship

    Scientific DictatorshipProfessor Steven E. Jones only was in the public eye for five days before BYU told him to stop giving interviews. Now the university has issued a public statement distancing itself from Jones and even discrediting his work. Critics suggest Bush administration had its dirty hand in forcing BYU to 'shut up' its professor. http://www.rense.com/general69/discred.htm First of all, the professor was like *SO* many Americans...He *obviously* had not known of the *thousands* of physics and other scientists around the world who had already released peer—reviewed studies *proving* the twin towers (and esp building 7) were intentionally and professionally destroyed by demolition experts with the use of high—grade C4 explosives in the basements and the support columns of every 10th floor (as you can see clearly (about 15 such explosions) on my friend's 9/11 documentary Loose Change 9/11: http://enigs.xmule.ws/)
    [Read more]
    Tuesday, November 29th, 2005
    23:09:09 CST
    Last modified: Tuesday, November 29th, 2005
    23:23:09 CST
  61. A *Stupid* Leap of Faith [Funny!!]

    It makes you ask, What was he thinking?!!? Watch this bonafide schmuck leap to a certain injury. Hey! He was having it videotaped! Funny stuff!

    Leap of Faith
    Also, check out House Jump ;—)

    Tuesday, November 29th, 2005
    20:45:29 CST
    Last modified: Tuesday, November 29th, 2005
    20:50:23 CST
  62. Sunflower ASCII Art

    A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v

    [Read more]
    Saturday, November 26th, 2005
    10:44:20 CST
    Last modified: Saturday, November 26th, 2005
    10:46:28 CST
  63. Survivor Guatemala; Day 30: Gary Goes Home :D

    Gary, Stephanie's largest threat (unless I'm seriously underestimating Rafe) Gary was voted off tonight :—) In the words of Judd (the most legit male Survivor I've ever seen): Gary's been running around the forest the last 2 days like a starving squirrel looking for a damn nut; he needs to get the hell out of here.

    Seriously, I looked up to Gary. If Stephannie had been voted off already — well, I honestly would have stopped watching Survivor, maybe permanently; but if she wasn't in this game at all — I would honestly be rooting for Judd and Gary in the Final 2, with Cindy 3rd and Rafe number four. I think Cindy has had to go through a *lot* more adversity than any one this season and has grown the most as a character (Judd is a close second). Gary is an awesome guy, but he lied about his name, claimed he didn't lie, and even tried to get others to turn on Stephany. That's just ... wrong!
    [Read more]

    Thursday, November 24th, 2005
    20:02:30 CST
    Last modified: Thursday, November 24th, 2005
    20:09:37 CST
  64. Pretty Console

    So I was using Coben2000's box via SSH to compile a Unicode version of xMule, when I was confronted by something out of the ordinary. Something conflicted with the monochromatic theme of traditional consoles, albeit in a pleasant way. I have thus dubbed it the Pretty Console. Judge for yourself, and ... please ... tell me how this is so?

    Pretty console colors

    Tuesday, November 22nd, 2005
    20:05:30 CST
    Last modified: Tuesday, November 22nd, 2005
    20:10:13 CST
  65. This is the NEW Server

    Yep...moving servers again. This is the NEW server.

    Monday, November 21st, 2005
    22:06:39 CST
    Last modified: Monday, November 21st, 2005
    22:06:58 CST
  66. Crmblznski's Limit

    Crmblznski's Limit, sometimes spelled Crizmblski's Limit, has its origins in Keith Laumer's novel "The Great Time Machine Hoax" [1]. The basic theorem is that there is a finite limit to the complexity of any given machine, which specifically precludes the operation of "a machine with sufficiently extensive memory banks, adequately cross—connected and supplied with a vast store of data, [that by its very essence] would be capable of performing prodigious intellectual feats simply by discovering and exploring relationships among apparently unrelated facts." The Limit is an irrational number, much like Pi, in that the total complexity of machine is wholy dependent upon both hardware and software designs.
    [Read more]
    Sunday, November 20th, 2005
    20:27:13 CST
    Last modified: Wednesday, November 23rd, 2005
    18:30:02 CST
  67. Want to Talk? You Gotta Wait!

    [23:57] * XBOX_360 has joined #xmule [23:57] <XBOX_360> hey [23:57] <XBOX_360> where is hopeseekr? [00:03] * XBOX_360 has left #xmule [01:08] <Hope—Home> i am here [01:08] <Hope—Home> damn! Really, you need to either email me, find me on AIM (as UnThesis) or wait at least 30 minutes and probably a few hours. For those of you that have emailed me, most would agree the response time is generally less than 5 minutes, excep
    [Read more]
    Sunday, November 20th, 2005
    02:09:59 CST
    Last modified: Sunday, November 20th, 2005
    02:13:59 CST
  68. The Crazy Invasions of Venezuela and Iran

    I largely stopped being an alarmist in January 2004 when I could no longer afford such a luxury, but so much has happened in the last 3 days. While all the events have definately happened since Tuesday, my recollection of when they occurred is, per usual, diffuse.
    • Secret plans leaked of Pentagon's "November Surprise": Plans to "pre—emptively" invade Venezuela, along with a flurry of fabricated "evidence" like Iraq. (http://xrl.us/ihnv)
    • This came 6 days after the Venezuelan Army Corps published a pamphlet arguing "that 'revolutionary Islam' and U.S. religious extremism are moral equivalents", which, indeed, many are•. (http://xrl.us/ihnu)

    [Read more]
    Saturday, November 19th, 2005
    07:24:51 CST
    Last modified: Sunday, November 20th, 2005
    13:24:54 CST
  69. aMule vs xMule: Freedom of Speech

    More evidence for The Coding Philosophies of xMule vs aMule
    <HopeSeekr> Kubrick was such a member of the Illuminati! i had no idea till i watched [Eyes Wide Shut] [...] <Kry> btw, we should stop talking about (c) stuff... it's against channel rules [...] <HopeSeekr> what's copyrighted? <Kry> the movies, i.e...I'm against the discussion *here* [...] <Kry> Channel owners decide the rules they enforce on their channels [...] <HopeSeekr> I realize that. I also know that aMule is more proprietarily developed than xMule but seeing such blatant proof personally really offends me as a freedom—fighter in an already tyrranical country. P2P is supposed to fight all that. And here you are...bogus rules that do nothing but restrict freedom of thought and expression. <Kry> I don't find it shocking anyway. Happens the same on our forum, and on eMule irc/forum. Call it... preemptive measures.

    [Read more]
    Saturday, November 19th, 2005
    01:42:41 CST
    Last modified: Wednesday, November 23rd, 2005
    12:04:06 CST
  70. Charlize Theron | Aeon Flux

    Aeon Flux is going to be the first movie I've anticipated seeing in a long time. After weeks and weeks of trying to go to the movies just to find there is *nothing* interesting playing. Here's an awesome pic from the movie.
    Charlize Theron | Aeon FluxSexy Charlize Theron | Aeon Flux

    [Read more]
    Friday, November 18th, 2005
    19:59:54 CST
    Last modified: Friday, November 18th, 2005
    21:18:54 CST
  71. ASCII Art Sierpinski Fractals

    Yes, this the least SEO—friendly post I have ever made here. Click "Read more" for a huge one. They are built upon the Sierpinski fractal, e.g. the Triforce of Zelda.
    o o o o o o

    [Read more]
    Friday, November 18th, 2005
    09:36:27 CST
    Last modified: Friday, November 18th, 2005
    09:46:27 CST
  72. Swordfish and 9/11 Prescience

    [Prescience]: Knowledge of actions or events before they occur; foresight.* John Travolta in SwordfishWhile flying back from PubCon 2005, I was startled by the content of the DVD I was watching: Swordfish. It seemed down—right prescient, and in some fairly scary ways. For those who have forgotten, John Travolta stars as an amoral freedom fighter for America, a self—confessed terrorist of the terrorists who's mission statement is to "make terrorism so horrific that it's unthinkable to attack Americans."

    [Read more]
    Friday, November 18th, 2005
    08:36:31 CST
    Last modified: Tuesday, November 29th, 2005
    20:50:38 CST
  73. Google and Dark Fiber

    Details pertaining to the 2005 Webmasters Conference in Vegas...

    One of the funniest events was when I stopped by the Google booth. Google is the dog of the conference!! MSN gave us free Wi—Fi all over hte area (apparently they added stuff outside the conference center, as i'm connected to it right now, at 2 bars, about a 1/2 mile away) and an open bar for lunch. Yahoo actually provided us with breakast, lunch, and a fairly mediocre dinner (but an open bar!) What is Google doing? Well, they *are* giving us lunch but no one knows what; potentiallly some huge announcement is going to be made by them.
    [Read more]

    Wednesday, November 16th, 2005
    11:51:39 CST
    Last modified: Wednesday, November 16th, 2005
    11:52:39 CST
  74. About Crefn Mhyn

    OK, it's been two months since I learned some horrible things about Crefn Mhyn. Since ths initial posting I have had my knowledge of her confirmed by others and this is the first time since that I have even thought about her.

    Without trying to be libelous, suffice it to say that Crefn lied to me in a way that caused me to sacrifice for her in a severe way, being led to believe that she really, truly loved me. Since, I have learned that virtually every thing she told me that instituted my selfless act of love was an out and out lie, and she has since had nothing but harsh words for me. I am just grateful that she did not lie to the authorities and fessed up to the lies she had spread, at least to them, for I would probably still be in hell to this very day.

    [Read more]

    Tuesday, September 6th, 2005
    08:21:55 CDT
    Last modified: Sunday, April 2nd, 2006
    18:44:23 CDT
  75. Plato on Political Involvement :—)

    "One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors." —Plato

    Sunday, September 4th, 2005
    22:11:20 CDT
    Last modified: Sunday, September 4th, 2005
    22:12:20 CDT
  76. Kernels Are Frecking Important :O

    Two duplicate websites on two different servers, both running the same CPU architecture, lots of ram, and same Linux distribution (Gentoo)...yet with totally conflicting results :o 2100MHz AthlonXP & 1800MHz AthlonXP 1800mhz: Linux 1800mhz 2.6.9—gentoo—r1hope #2 SMP Mon Aug 15 22:47:12 CDT 2005 i686 AMD Athlon(tm) XP 2200+ AuthenticAMD GNU/Linux 2100mhz: Linux localhost 2.6.12—ck5 #2 SMP Mon Aug 15 12:05:49 CDT 2005 i686 AMD Athlon(tm) XP 2600+ AuthenticAMD GNU/Linux
    1800MHz: mysql Ver 12.22 Distrib 4.0.25, for pc—linux—gnu (i686) 2100MHz: mysql Ver 12.22 Distrib 4.0.25, for pc—linux—gnu (i686)
    [Read more]
    Tuesday, August 23rd, 2005
    10:15:52 CDT
    Last modified: Tuesday, August 23rd, 2005
    10:18:52 CDT
  77. Nice Fortune Quotes

    ... Jesus cried with a loud voice: Lazarus, come forth; the bug hath been found and thy program runneth. And he that was dead came forth... —— John 11:43—44 [version 2.0?]
    A rock store eventually closed down; they were taking too much for granite.
    The connection between the language in which we think/program and the problems and solutions we can imagine is very close. For this reason restricting language features with the intent of eliminating programmer errors is at best dangerous. — Bjarne Stroustrup in "The C++ Programming Language"
    [Read more]
    Thursday, August 18th, 2005
    16:42:58 CDT
    Last modified: Saturday, August 20th, 2005
    08:21:58 CDT
  78. Major Stampede over 4yr iBooks :o

    More signs of the American fiscal meltdown no one wants or is talking about. Crazy shit!

    Va. Laptop Sale Turns Into a Stampede

    A rush to purchase $50 used laptops turned into a violent stampede Tuesday, with people getting thrown to the pavement, beaten with a folding chair and nearly driven over. One woman went so far as to wet herself rather than surrender her place in line.

    People threw themselves forward, screaming and pushing each other. A little girl's stroller was crushed in the stampede. Witnesses said an elderly man was thrown to the pavement, and someone in a car tried to drive his way through the crowd.
    [Read more]

    Wednesday, August 17th, 2005
    20:54:22 CDT
    Last modified: Wednesday, August 17th, 2005
    20:57:22 CDT
  79. URGENT: Guns of August: Nuke piggybacked on 17 Aug drill??

    This is to be considered a serious warning with regard to national security that could happen tomorrow. To summarize:

    A) SHIT has happened int he past month ... literally more change to our country since June than probably in 10 or 15 years. We're at a cusp in history imho. Below is just a TASTE of what has happened .. such as National ID Card (june) or the 75,000—man UN Standing Army — US paid — bush created today (16 August 2005).

    B) Tomorrow is a highly likely time for a nuclear weapon to be planted by the government in an american city in order to blame on iran, institute the draft (fillable as of 7 June 2005), etc.

    Read, think, spread.

    [Read more]

    Wednesday, August 17th, 2005
    09:54:55 CDT
    Last modified: Wednesday, August 17th, 2005
    10:06:55 CDT
  80. Catastrophic Computer Failure

    First, incendiary.ws was hacked in early August. Next, my Windows XP system was thoroughly compromised last week...I woke up with nothing working. Secondly, my gentoo box mysteriously refused to mount /. Third, I was heavily involved in correcting wikipedia vandalism (832 edits since 27 July).

    I'm back tho.

    Wednesday, August 17th, 2005
    09:43:03 CDT
    Last modified: Wednesday, August 17th, 2005
    09:51:03 CDT
  81. Firefox vs SeaMonkey vs Mozilla vs IE vs Opera

    Firefox is based off of Mozilla 1.7.2. You can notice 4 major trends below:

    1. Firefox is substantially worse today than 1.7.2

    2. Firefox keeps getting substantially worse

    3. SeaMonkey has become substantially better than Mozilla 1.7.2

    4. SeaMonkey is —— by far —— the most efficient major browser available today.

    * Open 500 wikipedia pages —— in tabs if possible
    * Close all but one
    * Reopen all again
    * Close all but one

    Total downloaded size: 1.95 MB in compressed text and images.

    Firefox 1.5 —— aka Deer Park Alpha 2
    Initial: 31 MB
    [Read more]

    Sunday, August 7th, 2005
    12:03:17 CDT
    Last modified: Sunday, August 7th, 2005
    12:04:17 CDT
  82. 2k5 Thon XII: Fuck it

    This just isn't worth doing any more. I survived exactly 1/4 the way into it, but it's been a tortorously monotonous pain to just write a few sentences and call it "content". i'm not that intellectually dishonest ;—)

    Saturday, August 6th, 2005
    13:25:17 CDT
    Last modified: Saturday, August 6th, 2005
    13:27:17 CDT
  83. 2k5 Thon XI: Wiki Copyright Violations

    I find flagging articles that are copyright violations particularly fun, if not a long and tedious process :—) I spent about 10 minutes researching, tagging, and following the beaucratic reporting procedures for the Comalies textdump.

    Saturday, August 6th, 2005
    13:00:54 CDT
    Last modified: Saturday, August 6th, 2005
    12:59:54 CDT
  84. 2k5 Thon X: Wikification

    So I've *really* jumped into this entire wikipedia thing. I'm most busiest in organizing the new cleanup system. It's a lot of work, especially trying to keep people from reverting the new instructions I've laid down because the old system had been in place foreverm and people can't believe a new one exists :—)

    Saturday, August 6th, 2005
    12:30:46 CDT
    Last modified: Saturday, August 6th, 2005
    12:31:46 CDT
  85. 2k5 Thon IX: Now Eating...

    Went to Jack in the Box (5 mi away) with Reilly and got a Junior Bacon Cheeseburger (meat+cheese only — dumb bitch asked if I din't want my bacon ... meat last time I checked) and a chicken sandwidch. Total: $2.12. Reilly and I split the chicken.

    Came back, moved my car out of the way so my dad could take the new Prius to his mom's place. It's his 69th birthday today. I feel bad becasue I can't go with him cuz of this damn thing. O well.

    Saturday, August 6th, 2005
    11:56:39 CDT
    Last modified: Saturday, August 6th, 2005
    11:58:39 CDT
  86. 2k5 Thon VIII: Breakfast then Wiki!

    I finsihed the baal run, slept, and now go to breakfast. When i get back i start on wikipedia contributions :—)

    Saturday, August 6th, 2005
    11:30:59 CDT
  87. 2k5 Thon VII: Diablo II Baal Runs

    I've done about 3 baal runs. This is my last D2 game for a while. Brought fastass—barbarian up from lvl 15 to 28

    Saturday, August 6th, 2005
    10:59:25 CDT
    Last modified: Saturday, August 6th, 2005
    11:00:25 CDT
  88. 2k5 Thon VI: Diablo II Cow Level Deux

    Well I rushed a guy who can now make cow levels so that's waht i've been doing for last 30 minutes. now we're about to start baal runs with about 7 other peopel :—)

    Saturday, August 6th, 2005
    10:30:37 CDT
  89. 2k5 Thon V: Diablo II Cow Level

    I apparently killed teh cow king last night and can no longer make cow levels with my main char. This is sad.

    Saturday, August 6th, 2005
    10:00:48 CDT
    Last modified: Saturday, August 6th, 2005
    09:56:48 CDT
  90. 2k5 Thon IV: Diablo II Rushes

    Lvl lvl lvl...i guess i'm addicted.

    BTW, the absurdity of Blogathons is really hitting me. I'm thinking about stopping this stupidity at around noon, lol!!!

    Saturday, August 6th, 2005
    09:30:37 CDT
    Last modified: Saturday, August 6th, 2005
    09:31:37 CDT
  91. 2k5 Thon III: Diablo II Rushes

    So I'm helping this guy level. He started out as level 15, I've brought him up to lvl 18 and the goal is 25 by the end of the hour. Most peopel charge for it; I enjoy doing it for free :—) I simply ask that every one I rush add me to their friends list. I'm probably in hundreds by now lol. If only there was a way to track those stats :—)

    O well, now we kill the Countess.

    Saturday, August 6th, 2005
    08:56:24 CDT
    Last modified: Saturday, August 6th, 2005
    08:58:24 CDT
  92. 2k5 Thon II: Diablo II

    The ladder just reset in Diablo II today (first time in 9 months). It's weird being in a game of nothing but <10 levels. I'm mostly done with the first quest the Den of Evil.

    Yes, this certainly goes a long way towards accomplishing all my goals. But I left out a goal in the last post:

    * Continue contributing to the Wikipedia.

    Saturday, August 6th, 2005
    08:30:23 CDT
    Last modified: Saturday, August 6th, 2005
    08:32:23 CDT
  93. 2k5 Thon I: My Goals for Today

    My current goals to aim for — if not accomplish — in the next 24 hours:

    • Convince my dad Blogathons are very important to me for psychological reasons,

    • Finish the final steps of migrating xMule's cryptography code,

    • MAYBE finish xMule Unicode?

    • MAYBE finish xMule XRC migration

    • MAYBE port the sockets code

    • Definately aim to write an article on 'deep' issues every hour.

    Saturday, August 6th, 2005
    08:00:15 CDT
    Last modified: Saturday, August 6th, 2005
    07:53:15 CDT
  94. Back and ready!

    After being hacked at 8:45 PM CDT Wednesday, this site is back online in time for Blogathon 2005, which starts at 8 AM tomorrow!!!

    I Sleep now.

    Saturday, August 6th, 2005
    00:16:12 CDT
    Last modified: Saturday, August 6th, 2005
    00:20:12 CDT
  95. Who gets a degree?

    Thrawn01> degree just means you can pass as test, it don't mean shit.
    HopeSeekr> it means a shitload to [most] employers
    Thrawn01> they are morons
    truth> It means you can learn a system, follow it, and follow through with it.
    HopeSeekr> no...
    Thrawn01> it means you sucked away 5 years of your life, while the rest of us where learning the systems in the "real world" and gaining on the job exp.
    HopeSeekr> it means you are a sheeple that can put off very important things like being a participant in the 2004 elections just to 'prove' you are a compliant bastard in a corporate fascist state where you dont' have enough power to even remove stupid stopsigns near your house, much less reduce property taxes or —— hell —— stop illegal wars or international treaties (CAFTA, DMCA, NAFTA)
    [Read more]

    Wednesday, August 3rd, 2005
    15:30:18 CDT
    Last modified: Wednesday, August 3rd, 2005
    15:31:18 CDT
  96. Lyrics: Paris — Sonic Jihad — Sheep to the Slaughter

    This is *another* song who's lyrics I have found no where! It is an awesome song that is used as the intro to several 9/11—related radio programs and documentaries.

    Paris — People to the Slaughter

    (Thousands of war protestors chanting): We want Justice. Girl: What's wrong, Mommy? Mom: The people are upset about some things, darling. Girl: Why are they yelling? Mom: They want attention. They're trying to get attention so that people will listen to them.
    Leader: This is our way of trying to get some media attention. Because they are ignoring us; they're ignoring the anti—war movement; they're ignoring the anti—government movement. We love our country but we cannot trust our government any more. Our government is totally out of control. Leader: George Bush is full of shit. And who do you believe? Do you believe George Bush or do you believe me? That's what it's coming down to. Do you believe your neighbors? Do you believe the people that live in your home town, or do you believe these mad—dog killers in Washington, D.C.?

    [Read more]
    Tuesday, August 2nd, 2005
    12:33:22 CDT
    Last modified: Tuesday, August 2nd, 2005
    13:06:22 CDT
  97. "All men see..."

    "ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is."

    From here

    Sunday, July 31st, 2005
    13:55:14 CDT
    Last modified: Sunday, July 31st, 2005
    13:56:14 CDT
  98. Hello in Chinese


    Means 'hello' in Chinese.

    Friday, July 29th, 2005
    11:17:40 CDT
  99. CAFTA, Bush, FTAA, and the European Union

    the CAFTA will lead to the FTAA, the FTAA is so frecked up that it will be literally the precursor to a fascist—like entity such as the European Union where representatives are not elected and a foreigner with no real knowledge of your country's problems (or cares for hta tmatter) precides over your bought—out parliment. Then again, much of the same can be said for Bush, who is so out of it that he was not even aware that the White House had been evacuated 25 May 2005 due to a possible hijacked plane. No, he only found out when he called his wife asking why she had missed lunch and found out she was in the emergency shelter :—/ Bush: The Most Extraneous President.
    [Read more]

    Thursday, July 28th, 2005
    22:53:49 CDT
    Last modified: Thursday, July 28th, 2005
    22:54:49 CDT
  100. Cat Eats Hippo :o

    [Telegraph]: Island's monster mice eating a million sea bird chicks a year

    There are about 700,000 mice, which have learned to eat chicks live. The albatross chicks weigh up to 10 kgs and the mice weigh 35 grams, it is like a tabby cat attacking a hippopotamus."

    The chicks are largely immobile and cannot defend themselves. "For a carnivorous mouse it is an easy meal of quality. The result is carnage," Dr Richard Cuthbert, of the RSPB, said.
    [Read more]

    Wednesday, July 27th, 2005
    15:46:41 CDT
    Last modified: Wednesday, July 27th, 2005
    15:48:41 CDT
  101. Site moving again

    This site will move within 10 days; probably to xMule's server. This server's quality has *really* degraded since I first got it in May. And, no, [past employer] is not to blame, as it has moved to globat (along with xMule) and the speed is incredible for such a cheap service.

    Tuesday, July 26th, 2005
    09:05:28 CDT
    Last modified: Saturday, February 4th, 2006
    10:35:49 CST
  102. Women are Evil (Mathematical Proof)

    Proof that girls are evil:
    1. Girls require time and money:
    Girls = Time x Money
    2. Time is money
    Time = Money
    3. It can be deduced that
    Girls = Money x Money = (Money)^2
    4. Money is the root of all Evil
    Money = sqrt(Evil)
    5. Therefore,
    Girls = (sqrt(Evil))^2
    Girls = Evil

    Thursday, July 21st, 2005
    13:43:30 CDT
    Last modified: Thursday, July 21st, 2005
    13:44:30 CDT
  103. Incredible Artwork


    ALL of the pictures are two dimensional but look like they're popping out of the ground :o Amazing!

    Wednesday, July 20th, 2005
    22:55:07 CDT
    Last modified: Wednesday, July 20th, 2005
    22:56:07 CDT
  104. Constantine + New Site

    I bought the DVD Constantine today. I also finished a new site (woohoo!): HoustonTexanTickets.com.

    BTW, this site will be changing IPs, again, soon (within 20 days).

    Tuesday, July 19th, 2005
    22:14:51 CDT
    Last modified: Saturday, February 4th, 2006
    10:36:33 CST
  105. Claire Forlani + PhotoShop

    I spent the greater part of the day fooling around with PhotoShop, basically cutting out an image of Claire Forlani from a very complicated background so that I could put her on any background I chose. Before and after shots:

    Before Before

    [Read more]
    Sunday, July 17th, 2005
    20:48:52 CDT
    Last modified: Sunday, July 17th, 2005
    21:07:52 CDT
  106. Stupid Boss

    Vicki quit today. she basicalyl got her stuff and walked out.

    They changed all the passwords, so I assume she quit.

    Friday, July 15th, 2005
    23:57:52 CDT
    Last modified: Thursday, November 3rd, 2005
    23:45:52 CST
  107. Advanced Jungian Personality Profiling

    I found a *far* more expansive Jungian personality profile at http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi—win/JTypes3.asp

    My metrics scored me as a ENFj or

    • slightly expressed extrovert

    • distinctively expressed intuitive personality

    • distinctively expressed feeling personality

    • moderately expressed judging personality

    Thursday, July 14th, 2005
    15:50:14 CDT
    Last modified: Thursday, July 14th, 2005
    15:52:14 CDT
  108. Where to meet People?

    I have this problem. Where can I meet young people in Pearland, Texas? I have no idea! Honest to God[dess]!

    The *only* places I can think of are bars and churches; neither make for great conversations and I'm opposed to both for many of the same reasons.

    Yet, I'm incredibly lonely, post—Crefn. Somehow just the hope of having her in my life again made all of my present ills seem ... well, temporary. Now I realize that not only will it be long—term but it's already been this way since at least December 2004.

    I literally have not talked face to face to a single person under 30 in 2 weeks, adn that was Paul. Discounting 22 year—old Paul and his girlfriend, I haven't talked to a person under 30 in ... o (well there's Adea last wednesday) ... hmm, since Nick was here in March.
    [Read more]

    Wednesday, July 13th, 2005
    19:21:40 CDT
    Last modified: Wednesday, July 13th, 2005
    19:41:40 CDT
  109. My Favorite Diss :—)

    From ZeroGamers.com's private forum:

    U)HATE(ME > You dont play snipes Fool because it dont you still Crashe SO stfu you dont even know what your talking about KID!!

    HopeSeekr > OK at times like these I wish there was a /squelch for the forums. I'm *not* for censorship, but — Good God[dess]!! — U)HATE(ME...what an insightful fruedian slip of a nick! (that rhymes, lol!)

    "Kid" is not really an insult. Try pusillaminous neanderthal. At least you would sound more — sophisticated. As it stands you seem like a pubescent script—kiddie who wouldn't know the difference between C++ and COBOL and who thinks ASM primarily stands for Anal Sex Masochism. O wait, you probably aren't old enough to know what any of those words mean
    [Read more]

    Tuesday, July 12th, 2005
    18:32:31 CDT
    Last modified: Tuesday, July 12th, 2005
    18:35:31 CDT
  110. Personally edited lmhosts file.


    I hate livejournal. It has almost directly caused me to remain focused on a concept I once thought "defined" me. A concept another person pretty much ripped up into shreds. I hate biology. I am so glad humans are evolving past it.

    So I edited my lmhosts file to reroute it to this site, which has caused me so much joy :—)
    Now If I could just rip out my obviously self—destructive sense of sexuality, be free in who I am, and forget about finding and nuturing love ... then maybe I can be happy.
    [Read more]

    Monday, July 11th, 2005
    21:39:09 CDT
    Last modified: Monday, July 11th, 2005
    21:56:09 CDT
  111. Slow day

    I left work at 4:00. got to teh court house at 4:25. They say they don't accept personal checks. No worry, ATM down the road...still have till 5, right?


    Place closed at 4:30 :—/ What the hell closes at 4:30?! Esp. a courthouse...what about employeed people?!

    Well, needless to say I'm taking off work in the morning...I have to be there w/ a hefty amount of cash ($177), plus a triple—digit bribe — err, 'court expenses' ($100) — first thing in the morning or there will be a warrant out for my arrest. Just because of a damn expired safety inspection sticker which I renewed w/n 5 days of the ticket but they totalled my car in Nov and i have no 'proof' i renewed it.
    [Read more]

    Monday, July 11th, 2005
    21:33:38 CDT
    Last modified: Monday, July 11th, 2005
    21:36:38 CDT
  112. And the Parrot Said: "Zero" (sort of)


    Parrots can apparently cognizate teh concept of zero...pretty amazing because most humans cannot do this until age 3 or 4.

    Sunday, July 10th, 2005
    23:26:15 CDT
    Last modified: Sunday, July 10th, 2005
    23:27:15 CDT
  113. Mormon Satanism — LDS Black Masses


    I was once personally a Latter Day Saint (technically still am), so please don't think I am bashing Mormons — and please do NOT fall into such a hate—trap!

    I just wanted to know if you are familiar with the heavily guarded leaked document by one of the church's Prophets (very very high up) where he documents the conclusions of *10,000* interviews with youths in which he reaches the conclusion that there is a vast underground Satanist network within traditional LDS wards (aka districts) in Utah. he estimated back in 1987 that possibly 100,000 women and children in Utah alone were ritualistically abused from birth to pre—teens by Satanists.
    [Read more]

    Saturday, July 9th, 2005
    17:46:37 CDT
    Last modified: Saturday, July 9th, 2005
    17:48:37 CDT
  114. Black Mass Sundays

    How prevalent is Satanism in modern fundamentalist sects? Are entire communities in Utah hiding born—into—slavery (and thus no 'record') women and children to supply the child sacrifices, fatalistic sexual trystes and Jeff Gannons of the politically elite? Do world leaders *really* worship and perform "mock" human sacrifices to a forty—five foot stone replica of the Caananite (you know of the Old Testament?) god Molech every year at Bohemian Grove?

    Did a Lousiana Baptist pastor recently fess up to really confess to mutilate "hundreds, maybe thousands" of animals and ... children(!!) as part of his own secretive Black Mass (in which hundreds attended)??
    [Read more]

    Saturday, July 9th, 2005
    17:30:12 CDT
    Last modified: Saturday, July 9th, 2005
    17:34:12 CDT
  115. Objectivism

    Kurt2> I know for a fact that it is logically impossible for there to be any valid argument to refute Objectivism
    Kurt2> thus, the only proper thing to do is embrace it
    HopeSeekr> wow ... that's the most dogmatic support for a philosophy i've ever heard phrased so elegantly!

    Friday, July 8th, 2005
    10:55:00 CDT
    Last modified: Friday, July 8th, 2005
    10:57:00 CDT
  116. Woodland Critter Christmas

    "It's a woodland critter christmas"!

    ————————————————— | (\_/) | ()_() | | (^_^) | (*.*) | | (")_(") | (>)>) | —————————————————
    Thursday, July 7th, 2005
    15:05:51 CDT
    Last modified: Thursday, July 7th, 2005
    15:10:51 CDT
  117. Fuck Terrorists

    Fuck all the terrorists responsible for bombing London today. Fuckers.

    Thursday, July 7th, 2005
    08:38:11 CDT
    Last modified: Thursday, July 7th, 2005
    08:39:11 CDT
  118. Two Parallel Synchronicities

    I was watching 30 Days again tonight, this time about a 24 yr—old Right—wing Christian from podunk Michigan who thinks that "God hates fags" who got to spend 30 days immersed in the gayest place on Earth, literally, Castro Street of San Francisco. It was really lame compared to the other episodes, so when they mentioned the book What the Bible Really Says About Homosexuality, I literally threw off the TV and rushed down to Barnes & Noble (some 15 miles away and the closest bookstore ::cries::).

    I knew some thing was strange when all front store lights went off when I opened up the door. When I walked inside, the backup generator went out (we're having a rain—free electrical storm), the store went dark — a woman in the back yelped — all for about 3 seconds.
    [Read more]

    Wednesday, July 6th, 2005
    22:47:34 CDT
    Last modified: Thursday, November 3rd, 2005
    23:47:34 CST
  119. Funny StarCraft Noobs :—)

    > > lmao apparently alot of you took me seriously, i had like 5 pm's
    > > asking me to send the new zero to them and that they promis they wont leak it.
    > > HA HA HA HA HA HA no im not giveing it out to any one who i dont totally trust

    > looks like you're a dumb twat looking for attention. kicking up a storm with no
    > payoff. First you say you'll hand it out, then you say you're selling it, then
    > you say you're joking and you won't give it to anyone?
    > Now honestly, was somebody not hugged enough as a kid?

    nope my parents never huged me as a child, they used to beat me and make me sleep
    out in a box in the back yard.

    but now i get all the e—hug's i need

    [Read more]

    Tuesday, July 5th, 2005
    22:36:53 CDT
    Last modified: Tuesday, July 5th, 2005
    22:39:53 CDT
  120. Weekends

    I hate weekends. I think Detective Snell needs a letter of apology: A year ago I thought every thing he said was a bunch of lies.

    Monday, July 4th, 2005
    20:24:16 CDT
    Last modified: Monday, July 4th, 2005
    20:29:16 CDT
  121. My Personal Iraq

    Let's pretend for a moment that Bush honestly believed that there were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq and that Saddam was raping people left and right and about to escalate war to a worldwide theater of carnage. He decides to step up as a man and do something about it, even though it may cost him an election. Even tho thousands of soldiers may die.

    What if he was lied to? What if the situation wasn't nearly as bad as those who were alleged victims said it was?

    If that is how it went down, I know how he feels. I mean, you see one thing, hear another, and in the end the "victim's" actions after they are released from tyranny is the clearest evidence of one's initial motives. Look at how Chalabi tried to get people murdered and swindled millions of dollars we had given him. In the end, I guess we just need to be thankful that the situation was never as horrible as the 'victim' said it was; and seek to make amends with those we hurt solely because of the lies of the other.
    [Read more]

    Monday, July 4th, 2005
    13:40:21 CDT
    Last modified: Monday, July 4th, 2005
    13:47:21 CDT
  122. More Lesbian than Male Heterosexual :o

    Yesterday I took 1/2 a day off work, attended to some legal matters, took my first new piano lesson in over 8 years, and took a comprehensive gender identity battery of tests given to me by my psychologist (who I last saw in February).

    Today he called me up with the results. The over—all prognostication was expected, the degree of certainty wasn't.

    I've told people for years that I just don't *get* heterosexual relationships. Nothing has come naturally, I have zero instincts, and three out of five women I have done more than hug — and all the women I have ever dated more than three times — were 'confused' lesbians who discovered their lesbianism after dating me. I've always felt more feminine than masculine, and, in any case, I was 100% correct.
    [Read more]

    Friday, July 1st, 2005
    17:22:50 CDT
    Last modified: Friday, July 1st, 2005
    16:22:50 CDT
  123. Lawyers in a Fascist Society

    Today I sought legal representation for the 4—count traffic ticket I received last Monday and the pending warrant for my arrest in conjunction with my failure to appear to a court meeting of which I was never aware because of an expired vehical registration sticker on my Ford Explorer. The same car that I drove 40,000 miles in, the same car that was once driven by Crefn; where she learned to drive on the interstate. Needless to say, it got totalled in an accident 56 days later.

    The lawyer's advice struck me: Don't bother about the inspection. I said, "Excuse me? There would be a warrant for my arrest!" He told me that the law was >quote<bullsh*t>/quote< and that the state wouldn't bother spending money to fulfill a warrant for a $77 ticket. He said instead that I merely go to the court house the day of, bring $50 for bail, declare no contest, turn myself in, give the bond money directly to the court clerk and — voilà — unless the state hated me, they would declare the paperwork "misfiled" and I would be released. he assured me it is how the system works...like how they're going to get my other charges completely dropped the day before court by effectively bribing them by giving them the $25 fee for processing and giving them more free time on the docket.
    [Read more]

    Thursday, June 30th, 2005
    21:45:38 CDT
    Last modified: Thursday, June 30th, 2005
    21:58:38 CDT
  124. Paths of Loss

    Shock Denial Anger Pain Acceptance

    I think that's how it goes. I was shocked 22 April 2005, I went into denial ~ 1 May, I went into anger 11 June. It seems like 11 June was months ago. It seems like 3 Dec 2003 was seconds ago. I used to count down double—digit months, now I count down double—digit days. I used to take great joy at prospect of just a year left. Indeed, last November I was filled with optimism of reuniting with my love, against tremendous odds that *I* would still love her. It's funny..the only thing I regret (truly) is that I set myself up to be hurt. I mean, what was I thinking? Every one thought I was crazy for believing in some one who >quote<hadn't matured yet>/quote<. It's so hard telling people she's different when she wants you to believe differently, just to furhter other people's conceptions of her.
    [Read more]

    Wednesday, June 29th, 2005
    23:44:23 CDT
    Last modified: Thursday, June 30th, 2005
    00:05:23 CDT
  125. Google Talk

    OK There's this script — called Google Talk — that takes a phrase and uses Google's auto—hint feature to complete full thoughts in near—grammatically correct sentences. I was actually impressed by what I got. The first phrase I tried was "Better the world by", and I couldn't help but be struck by the Ouji Board aspect of the entire thing.

    Better the world by simply making Someone s Day) by sending their loved one s care, and their ability to pay the proffered Wage in the context of the entire work

    Less outrageous was Nicholaus Bludworth did not get the Facts About the Extensible Markup Language (XML)

    Better yet was when I typed in "Crefn Mhyn is"...You'll want to "read more" for this one :o

    [Read more]

    Wednesday, June 29th, 2005
    20:17:35 CDT
    Last modified: Wednesday, June 29th, 2005
    20:29:35 CDT
  126. My Professional Responsibilities

    Below is a fairly complete enumeration of the on—going tasks I have accumulated over the past few months. Indeed, if there is one frequent characteristic shared by my responsibilities is the long—term and frequent nature of most. The list is sorted by the order in which I recall them and is probably not exhaustive. At $10.50 / hour , I do believe that my payrate is my biggest job security (even though traffic has increased 1500% in June over that of January when I started).

    [Read more]

    Wednesday, June 29th, 2005
    10:02:36 CDT
    Last modified: Thursday, November 3rd, 2005
    23:40:36 CST
  127. Group Mind: How Labels Stunt Growth

    Some [most?] people give themselves labels. Well, I am a Christian! Well, I'm a Republican! Well, I'm an atheist! Well I'm African! I'm Mexican! What ever happened to uncharacterized people, such as myself? I have very little idea what 'category' i fit into...mainly because I *don't*. There's a reason Jesus said, I am Who I am...any pigeon—holing of the human spirit is totally demeaning to the complexities of homosapien sentience, not to mention our highly diversified culture.

    The closest I will come to pigeon—holing myself as I am in 2005 is: A spirit that currently inhabits a decisively male in hormone and physique body; who is attraced 98% of the time to women (usually those with nice breasts but a beautiful smile, thick thighs and a witty intellect combined trump all); who has an equal distribution of male/female characteristics + thoughts; and who believes that Life, God[dess], Evolution, Chance, Fate, and my Higher Self are all to greater or lesser degrees synonymous. If I am easily categorized, please let me know.

    [Read more]

    Tuesday, June 28th, 2005
    22:34:00 CDT
    Last modified: Tuesday, June 28th, 2005
    22:42:00 CDT
  128. Sad Day For Innovation

    Well, in the last week the Supreme Court has decided that my cable internet bills can go up, that my city can seize my house at any time (Time to secede from Pearland, looks like) for almost any reason, and — o btw — it is illegal for me to invent new forms of filesharing if people will use it to download "illegal" things such as a Beatles song. So I have effectively put my coding of xMule on a hiatus, almost 2 years after it was temporarily halted by teh MPAA assault against me.

    I have really hated the last 30 days. First I got my heart hurt, then my back, then my pocket book, now I have a warrant out for my arrest for a damn expired safety inspection sticker that I took care of back in october 2004 and never got a summons to court for, i have a 4 count speeding ticket I received last week, and I'm lonely as hell every fucking damn night.
    [Read more]

    Monday, June 27th, 2005
    23:45:13 CDT
    Last modified: Monday, June 27th, 2005
    23:49:13 CDT
  129. Age of Aquarius

    This is the dawning of the Age of Aquarius
    Age of Aquarius, Aquarius, Aquarius

    Harmony and understanding
    Sympathy and trust abounding
    No more falsehoods or derisions
    Golden living dreams of visions
    Mystic crystal revelation
    And the mind's true liberation

    Harmony and understanding
    Sympathy and trust abounding
    Angelic illumination
    Rising fiery constellation
    Travelling our starry courses
    Guided by the cosmic forces
    O care for us

    Note: The Age of Aquarius officially begins 12 noon 20 Dec 2012 ... aka my birthday, woohoo.

    Sunday, June 26th, 2005
    21:21:36 CDT
    Last modified: Sunday, June 26th, 2005
    21:24:36 CDT
  130. Dusting: How Dust—Off Kills

    You can almost hear the would—be contestants for this year's Darwin Award, But it's just compressed air!, as they clamp their lips on the nozzle and BAM, they're in an oxygen—deprived "buzz". Since when was self—suffocation a cool way to get high? Yet with this "dusting" craze in a virtual media blackout (yes, even on the Internet), literally millions of youngsters are at risk. There are no obvious chemicals, no smell, and no traceable signs of use — except a swolen, aching tongue (from frostbite). There is far less stigma and far more pseudo—scientific rationalizations in young people's minds about why it can't hurt and why it feels good; and unlike other killers like heroin, this stuff is cool.
    [Read more]
    Saturday, June 25th, 2005
    22:04:45 CDT
    Last modified: Saturday, June 25th, 2005
    22:14:45 CDT
  131. How Does Hope Tick?

    According to Psychological (Personality) types these are the characteristics which I have of both "introverted" and "extroverted" people, followed by those which I do not have. Apparently I do not fit within the most common psychological profiles becqasue I am both equally intro— and extroverted *and* equally intuitive and sensing. E.g. At the same time I fit the FOUR psychological profiles of a human (no wonder I 'tire' people, lol!): ESFp ENFp ISFp INFp
    [Read more]
    Saturday, June 25th, 2005
    12:53:38 CDT
    Last modified: Saturday, June 25th, 2005
    13:20:38 CDT
  132. How to "move on"?

    OK! You've dedicated your life, for years, to an ideal. You have given to an organization promoting this cause all of your money, all of yoru possessions and, indeed, all of your soul. You have striven tirelessly in the most hostile environments to see this goal come through. you have been told all of your life that if you believe, give every thing, and work ahrd that it will all work out.

    One day the president of the organization sends you a letter saying, "Due to a hostile takeover we must stop all progressive activities. Please move along." What do you do? Do you call bullshit and seek to overturn the president, and possibly the entire administrative staff? Do you honestly think reason has any hope of effecting change?!
    [Read more]

    Friday, June 24th, 2005
    23:21:51 CDT
    Last modified: Friday, June 24th, 2005
    23:27:51 CDT
  133. It's Anamzig!! — The Hmuan Barin [fnnuy!]

    Reading Test I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdgnieag.
    THE PAOMNNEHAL PWEOR OF THE HMUAN MNID Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervitisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteers be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey ltetr by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? —hope—
    Friday, June 24th, 2005
    21:09:48 CDT
    Last modified: Friday, June 24th, 2005
    21:11:48 CDT
  134. 30 Days

    I really enjoyed tonight's 30 Days episode as it was all about how growth hormones really helped a 35 year old become "more awake" and active. In his own words on day 5: "It was as if some one had flipped on a light switch." In my case, it was more like a bank of floodlights.

    there is a slight possiblity it could stop my aging process forever, and Dr. Rubio thinks that I can have perhaps 20 extra years of life if I lose all of my testosterone this year via certain forms of surgery :o I am very much mulling this prospect as my sex drive has caused nothing but pain — min
    [Read more]

    Wednesday, June 22nd, 2005
    23:57:25 CDT
    Last modified: Thursday, June 23rd, 2005
    00:10:25 CDT
  135. A "Nice Guy's" Tale of Woe: Fiancee Decides She is a Lesbian

    Woah, appparently I'm not the only one who has issues with sexual preference recently. Crazy thing is that it is the thousandth article at that site. Talk about a synchronicity, lol.

    A "Nice Guy's" Tale of Woe: Fiancee Decides She is a Lesbian

    That picture is *SO* me!!! I used to go to sleep after petting an image of Crefn on my monitor. May she find some one who loves her as much in person as I loved her in absense :—)

    This is absolutely the last time I dedicate any thought to Crefn for at least the next 30 days.
    [Read more]

    Tuesday, June 21st, 2005
    23:11:33 CDT
    Last modified: Tuesday, June 21st, 2005
    23:16:33 CDT
  136. Bankruptcy — Just Do It

    This was originally posted at http://www.bullnotbull.com/bull/Article69.html but the link is now dead (Access Forbidden). Gee, wonder why! (sarcasm). This is for posterity.
    "The rich ruleth over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender," — Proverbs 22:7. If the idea of declaring bankruptcy has been on your mind recently, the time to act is now. The new bankruptcy law, signed by President Bush in April, is set to take effect in October of this year. The law makes it much more difficult, if not impossible, for people with unmanageable debts to get a fresh financial start in life. Furthermore, the law is slated to take effect just as new credit card policies doubling average monthly minimum payments is set to take effect. If your payments are just barely manageable now, they will soon be unmanageable, just as the bankruptcy window slams shut.
    [Read more]
    Tuesday, June 21st, 2005
    15:20:11 CDT
    Last modified: Tuesday, June 21st, 2005
    15:31:11 CDT
  137. Loneliness and the Power of Illusion

    For roughly two years I lived an illusion. An illusion that helped me in the worst of times and even made the best of times better. For roughly two years I never really had any one to readily share any thing with. I mean, sure, Nick and Paul are great friends but I only get to talk to one of them maybe every three or four days. Yet after I accepted my loss of physical proximity with Crefn around June 2004, I never once was lonely. Not until this week when the illusion was shattered. Perhaps this will spur me on to find better people, because obviously no one planned on things ending up the way they did, and I bet she has a few more regrets than me (at least I hope, lol). I still don't regret helping her, I just regret every thing I did after (like letting her leave me).
    [Read more]

    Monday, June 20th, 2005
    18:10:29 CDT
    Last modified: Monday, June 20th, 2005
    18:25:29 CDT
  138. A Woman's Father

    I found these excerpts by an award—winning feminist author that details how pivotal a father's role is in the development of women's response to men in the future. From the book Women and their Fathers: The Sexual and Romantic Impact of the First Man in Your Life (1992).
    Women's attachments are "mirror images" of how they related to their fathers. "If a woman does not have a loving dependable father, due to his arrested development or divorce, she may actually seek men who deny her needs or reject her. She may always be haunted by the thought that she is essentially unlovable. (224) "Most of these daughters tended to test the men in their lives, starting fights, finding flaws, expecting to be abandoned, or looking for excuses to walk out themselves." (214)

    [Read more]
    Sunday, June 19th, 2005
    09:32:05 CDT
    Last modified: Sunday, June 19th, 2005
    09:40:05 CDT
  139. quickie

    quick! b4iits too late!

    Saturday, June 18th, 2005
    23:41:27 CDT
    Last modified: Sunday, June 19th, 2005
    03:41:27 CDT
  140. Leonard Cohen — Everybody Knows Lyrics

    I heard this song as the intro to Jack Blood's show on Patriot TV today. Lyrics hand—typed, not copied.

    Everybody knows that the dice are loaded: Everybody rolls with their fingers crossed. Everybody knows the war is over: Everybody knows the good guys lost. Everybody knows the fight was fixed: The poor stay poor; the rich get rich. That's how it goes; Everybody knows...

    [Read more]
    Friday, June 17th, 2005
    23:12:40 CDT
    Last modified: Friday, June 17th, 2005
    23:29:40 CDT
  141. Antipathy, not Fear

    In response to Dumbocracy — The Silence of Americans's main precept that Americans are silent because they are fearful or dumb.

    There's one thing that is systemmic in our country and it is not fear. Fear is a polling—day issue. The rest of the year Americans are apathetic. Even antipathetic (as in antipathy, wanting to cause harm to another). Just look at how many milliosn more made it out to vote just on making sure homosexuals remain unequal. That's not fear, that's apathy. if you dbout that attend the churches that I grew up in.
    [Read more]

    Friday, June 17th, 2005
    09:06:52 CDT
    Last modified: Friday, June 17th, 2005
    09:23:52 CDT
  142. FYI

    I am incredibly depressed and lonely right now. On the upside (there's alaways one) the pain in my back is greatly eclipsed by the pain in my heart.

    As I said earlier:
    (23:32:36) UnThesis: i wish i could find someone who just wants to hug me 24x7 — preferably female
    (23:32:40) UnThesis: but such wise women do not exist
    (23:32:44) UnThesis: and if they do they are not single

    Sorry for the momentary lapse. It happens almost every night around this time.

    I hate this week; I hate this day.

    Humanity is overly complex. Love those who love you. Understand those who hate you. Err on the side of Hope.

    [Read more]

    Thursday, June 16th, 2005
    23:34:52 CDT
    Last modified: Thursday, June 16th, 2005
    23:38:52 CDT
  143. Are You Asleep?

    Most people struggle with an awake body and asleep mind. I have an awake ( I think) mind and constantly fight a body that would shutdown w/o expensive—ass medicine. My greatest gift + struggle all in one huge gordian knot.

    At least mine has a daily elixir, albeit an extremely expensive (for no reason) one. I increasingly fear that people "require jolts to get them out of their apathy" (quote from 'batman begins') and this saddens me :—/ Until we can be compassionate w/o having to suffer we will doom ourselves to destruction, or at least technologically—induced slavery.
    [Read more]

    Thursday, June 16th, 2005
    15:39:41 CDT
    Last modified: Thursday, June 16th, 2005
    15:59:41 CDT
  144. More About Love Than Anything

    My sister realized when she was 16 that she was a homosexual. Living in a nurturing environment, seperated from us as she had been since she was three, this wasn't treated as a stigma; as a burn—the—crucifixes, satan—b—gone affair but more or less a part of 'growing up', of 'discovering who you are'. I bore the sole diplomatic effort trying to reintegrate her into a shunned baptist family, one no one (not even her) wanted her to be a aprt of. I mostly failed.

    She told me she was happy, the fwe times we talked (we haven't met in 12 years); and then I got the strange message from her one day: "I'm engaged." Living in Massachusettes as she does, I figured, "Hell, she must be one of the few married gay people in the country!" Then I saw the picture of the Other inside the envelope.
    [Read more]

    Thursday, June 16th, 2005
    00:22:46 CDT
    Last modified: Thursday, June 16th, 2005
    00:21:46 CDT
  145. Morgan Spurlock — Eeking by in America

    His show where he and his fiancé lived on minimum wage ($5.15 / hr) for a month was *wholy* accurate from my personal experiences with the said nightmare. With two people working two 8 hour jobs each, they barely had a positive balance of $26.00 at the end of the month.

    Yet their medical expenses were another nightmare. Yes, like my medicine (and the subject of his show next week), Human Growth Hormone therapy, which costs *literally* $5 per bottle to culture the bacteria that produce it, is sold on the market for $2500. My daily dosage is $200! Think about that! $75,000 a year in medicine necessary to keep me alive!

    Know what my doctor's initial advice was? Move to Europe.

    [Read more]

    Wednesday, June 15th, 2005
    22:01:43 CDT
    Last modified: Wednesday, June 15th, 2005
    22:27:43 CDT
  146. Web Hosts to Never Ever Use

    I have had horrible experiences in the last week with the following hosts, ordered chronologically:

    • YR Host: xMule's host for a year decided that they didn't like our traffic and without warning sent me a nice letter stating that they would no longer host a 'filesharing' site. Maybe MPAA got to them? Maybe, but they're incorporated in India, I thought.

    • Globat.com — O man! First, their Control Panel is proprietary and very difficult to use. Secondly, they could not for the life of them map their IP address to www3.[past employer's domain], even after I provided them the necessary configuration. As far as xMule, they could NOT figure out how to get .htaccess working. That is after a four day silence.

    • HostExcellence — Started me off with 8 MB of space; took 8 hours to fix. Have a 2 MB limit for uploading DB's (xMule's is 25 MB). Have a 10 MB limit on database sizes (!!). Couldn't get mod_rewrite working either, when I tried to direct to incendiary :—/ MySQL *never* worked

    [Read more]

    Tuesday, June 14th, 2005
    12:13:39 CDT
    Last modified: Saturday, February 4th, 2006
    10:40:14 CST
  147. Freedom Lost [poster]

    An actual poster on trains from Washington, D.C. to Baltimore! Look at the Nazi archetypes such as the rectangular facial features and the Aryan characteristics! WAKE UP!!!

    [Read more]
    Monday, June 13th, 2005
    13:00:07 CDT
    Last modified: Monday, June 13th, 2005
    13:07:07 CDT
  148. Judicial Tyranny Killed America in 1803 [Must read!]

    By the way, I originally pointed this out at Dem Blogger's Sensenbrenner story. So cheers if you found out about this later :—)

    Even in pro—liberty forums vanishingly few (and by this I mean i've only met one, ha!) realize that our union died while the Founding Fathers were still alive.

    Do you know about the Whiskey Rebellion of 1794? Well, a large group of farmers protested a tax (Boston Tea tax just a fwe decades prior?!!?) on their farms that was far more harsh than any thing the Brits had put on them. President Hamilton (a Federalist —— aka Fascist in deed) sent a large portion of the national army and massacred the men women and children at night while a large portion of them slept.
    [Read more]

    Sunday, June 12th, 2005
    11:25:47 CDT
    Last modified: Sunday, June 12th, 2005
    18:47:47 CDT
  149. Seeking nice person

    Update (29 June 2005): #1 in MSN and Yahoo for "Seeking Nice Person" :—)

    23 year—old male seeking a [hetero|bi]sexual female in her 20s who wouldn't mind being a monogamous companion. I will risk all, give all, and even potentially give up my freedom for your benediction. All I want is to be loved in return, but even this isn't a requirement; just be a live—in friend. Sex is optional and purely at your disgression.

    100% Satisfaction rating. Never dumped any one. Never been dumped for a fault of my own (it's always weird stuff like sexual orientation changes, cheating and the like). Never intentionally hurt any one. Quick to help. My love tends to be permanent, unchanging, and highly energetic.
    [Read more]

    Sunday, June 12th, 2005
    00:36:50 CDT
    Last modified: Wednesday, June 29th, 2005
    23:33:50 CDT
  150. American Democracy ... Dead in the Water [video]

    This is a letter i did *not* mail my boss.


    I do not nkow if you are aware, but yesterday the Republicans scheduled an extended debate on making all of hte Patriot Act provisions permanent. They scheduled it for the earliest non—emergency meeting ever in the 227+ year history of the House of Representatives, 8:20 AM on a Friday morning, when Congress wasn't even in session, in order for htere to be minimal attendence of lawmakers as they do for all legislation that is aimed at destroying American freedom. For instance, the Federal Reserve Act was rushed through both houses and signed by Wilson on Dec 23, 1913, a full hour before Christmas recess when the chambers were only 15% full.
    [Read more]

    Sunday, June 12th, 2005
    00:14:07 CDT
    Last modified: Sunday, June 12th, 2005
    16:35:07 CDT
  151. To the Person in My Head

    Here is some mental work I'm doing for a new fiction book I'm writing :—)

    If only i had been so lucky as to have been associated with you more than I have been. *I* have evolved substantially in the last few years esp since I took care of some pressing medical issues. I'm sure you have too.

    I didnt' start putting pieces together until Spring 2005 by an utter sychronicity. I had seen you around before but I never knew your state of ... physical health ... or any thing else until quite recently.

    I'm pretty sure I can suffer loss at this point, i was just horribly afraid you were going through worse than me (which was really god—awful bad at times).

    [Read more]

    Saturday, June 11th, 2005
    12:51:18 CDT
    Last modified: Saturday, June 11th, 2005
    18:25:18 CDT
  152. How I Defeat Anger / Depression / Anxiety / Etc.

    Defeating anger is a sinch for me these days. Scenario: I am pulled over by a traffic cop: supreme accessory branch of the Fasicist junta. Am I angry? Generally, no. I immediately think in my mind, Thank you, Goddess!! for all the horrible events you have potentially just saved me from. Yep. Over 50,000 people die every year in an automobile accident, and I have come close to death several times in such situations. That traffic cop? The mere act of stopping me *probably* saved me from certain death. It is useless saying "the odds are low". Like Schrodinger's Cat, all things have the potential to happen at all times. In one part of the Implicate Order, I have just died in a fireball the second I am required to sign, in another part, I have just ended up comotose for life. All are just as *possible* as me being alive (life is too random to deal in probabilities at any given time!).
    [Read more]

    Saturday, June 11th, 2005
    12:41:02 CDT
    Last modified: Saturday, June 11th, 2005
    12:51:02 CDT
  153. SPAM From Eminem?!

    Wow! Check out this stuff:
    From jc_denton@eminem.com Sat Aug 02 14:44:02 2003 To: "Un—Thesis" Subject: xMule X—WebServer: webmail.eminem.com X—TrueSenderIP: X—SenderHTTPUserAgent: Mozilla/5.0 (X11; U; Linux i686; en—US; rv:1.3) Gecko/20030313 What files do I download to get Xmule running on my mandrake 9.1 system. and how do I install/run them?
    So is JC Denton linked in any way officially with Eminem or is this just a free webmail service that I couldn't find listed at the site?
    [Read more]
    Saturday, June 11th, 2005
    10:54:02 CDT
    Last modified: Saturday, June 11th, 2005
    11:00:02 CDT
  154. Hidden Message :( )

    Tonight when I was moving xmule.ws I decided to download the mail folder. THREE HUNDRED MEGS of mail. I searched for hidden messages. I found two :o If you can provide any insight into the enigma presented below, please do (anonymous comments enabled). Many of you know that I have phased out my two primary emails (don't worry, it's spam proof; just look at the source!) theodore@xmule.ws and unthesis@xmule.ws over the last year due to rampant spam. Before I switched to GMail, I was missing something like 80% of my email due solely to the rampant spam (~300 spams a day for theodore, 2300 for unthesis).
    [Read more]
    Friday, June 10th, 2005
    23:58:40 CDT
    Last modified: Saturday, June 11th, 2005
    18:25:40 CDT
  155. Awesome Growth

    Yes, I got the Search Engine Manipulation (SEM, not SEO) skills! I did the math and since I took over the helm of [past employer] in mid—January 2005, there has been incredible amounts of growth. I can't be too detailed due to NDAs so let's just quote percentages:

    • January: —1.3%

    • February: +26.3%

    • March: +18.5%

    • April: +4.2%

    • May: +2.9%

    • June: 23.5%

    Total Growth since I started: 97.74%.

    Yes, I got the skillz.

    Friday, June 10th, 2005
    22:49:12 CDT
    Last modified: Saturday, February 4th, 2006
    10:38:12 CST
  156. My Exhilerating Investment

    Two months ago I transferred several thousand dollars from my bank to an investment firm. The first firm I picked, I bought 1,000,000 shares :o I picked this firm because they specifically allowed me to make "penny stock" buys. What is a "penny stock"? Something that sells for under a $1 per share. They are considered highly speculative. Well, that very day I got a SPAM email. Exciting investment opportunity. It said that the legal owners of poker.com were going to court to see if they could win the rights to it. I went, Hmm, I either win big or lose all. So i invested it when it was at its 52 week low...Literally $0.0045 per share. It had been that way for 2 weeks at the time. According to Yahoo Business, they were a company made of 5 individuals (1 recently hired) and they had liquidated all their personal stock as collateral for a loan in order to pay for the upcoming legal battle —— triggering a sell of the rest. I go, ok, seems reasonable.
    [Read more]

    Thursday, June 9th, 2005
    20:10:09 CDT
    Last modified: Thursday, June 9th, 2005
    20:46:09 CDT
  157. Compulsory Spy or 2 Years in Prison


    If it passes and you don't report even unsubstantiated drug use *claims* to authorities, and comply with whatever they demand of you (such as wearing a wiretap), you could be sentenced to a minimum two years for aiding and abbetting war criminals in the War Against Drugs.

    Death of Amerika.

    [Read more]

    Tuesday, June 7th, 2005
    19:13:42 CDT
    Last modified: Tuesday, June 7th, 2005
    19:14:42 CDT
  158. Gus Done It!!

    I thought this was great!! Main site can be found at Engrish.com.

    Gus dun it again!

    Monday, June 6th, 2005
    12:47:52 CDT
    Last modified: Tuesday, June 7th, 2005
    20:24:52 CDT
  159. Starcraft

    All I did this weekend was sleep and play Starcraft. I seriously screwed up my sleep schedule going to Austin. I didn't get back to Houston until 6:43 and I didn't pull into my driveway until ~10am...I was so exhausted. every thing is good.

    Sunday, June 5th, 2005
    23:39:23 CDT
    Last modified: Monday, June 6th, 2005
    09:40:23 CDT
  160. OMG! The Best story!

    OMFGod[dess]! I have not yet told the most exciting miracle of my entire life. There have been many far more worthy life—saving miracles — such as the various serious auto—accidents, the numerous times people have tried to kill me, etc. — but this ... this one solid thing seriously made me 100% sure that the Universe is benevolent and cares. And it proved to me that I have (or at least had since I tried to cut it off in March) a strong psychic connection with Crefn.

    I can't do it justice, but let's just say that I wouldn't be surprised if it is part of the folklore up there. I know it is in Buckeye, as the first cop I met there heard about it through the grapevine and it spread like wildfire there.
    [Read more]

    Saturday, June 4th, 2005
    14:14:01 CDT
    Last modified: Saturday, June 4th, 2005
    14:21:01 CDT
  161. I Saw Alex Jones!

    Yesterday, I got home from work at 17:30, took Reilly on a short walk, called Paul, got the very—much—expected (because no one hardly ever comes through — certainly hardly ever friends or lovers) cancellation notice, and took off to Austin to see a live screening of Alex Jones' 9/11 March of the Police State. I got there 45 minutes early, and thank God[dess]! There were thousands of motorcycles and all downtown was closed off. I was seriously fretting about founding a parking spot and yet Fate dropped in and a spot opened up right in front of me. Splindiporously, it was four blocks north and 200 feet east from the place.
    [Read more]
    Saturday, June 4th, 2005
    13:47:58 CDT
    Last modified: Saturday, June 4th, 2005
    16:50:58 CDT
  162. Google Sitemap Horror

    Google released a new tool for webmasters today. Google Sitemaps. I was apparently the very first person to download their generator sitemap.py from SourceForge :o. They euphemistically tell people to Run the program on your webserver. Yet this is a perfect way to rack up fees for massively over—utilizing server resources :o Running it brought down my 3200MHz Pentium 4 running Debian Linux and 2 GB of RAM. Before:
                 total       used       free     shared    buffers     cached
    Mem:       2001912     417396    1583560          0       4688     103248
    —/+ buffers/cache:     309460     691496
    Swap:       228244          0     228244
    5 minutes later:
    [Read more]
    Friday, June 3rd, 2005
    09:57:28 CDT
    Last modified: Friday, June 3rd, 2005
    10:05:28 CDT
  163. Fight Defeatist Attitudes

    Reposted from patriot—tv.net. Marky373 wrote:
    Even if we break free from tyranny, suppression, and this cycle what is there to go to? If a conspiracy can run this deep, then what do we have to look forward to? I belive, but at what point has a sacrifice become useless?
    No no no no no no no no! Excuse me, but this futuristic defeatist mentality is exactly what keeps so many people enslaved! Nothing personal, but this is a clear manifestation of one of the primary memes inherent in enslaved populaces. It's what kept freed black people on plantantions almost a century after being "freed"! Slavery primarily depends on a programmed mindset. One can never be 'forced' to remain a slave, just look at Frederick Douglass.
    [Read more]
    Thursday, June 2nd, 2005
    19:16:14 CDT
    Last modified: Thursday, June 2nd, 2005
    19:24:14 CDT
  164. Crazy News + USB Drive

    I was *appalled* by all of the news Alex Jones delivered tonight:

    In other news...

    [Read more]

    Wednesday, June 1st, 2005
    21:28:51 CDT
    Last modified: Wednesday, June 1st, 2005
    21:42:51 CDT
  165. Outstanding Issues

    The sooner I can close out all of my outstanding issues generated in late 2003 the better!!

    If only there was a solid, zero0risk way of doing this today :—/

    Fascism sux0rs but at least there's a lot of fall guys and rationalizations.

    Tuesday, May 31st, 2005
    21:46:19 CDT
    Last modified: Tuesday, May 31st, 2005
    21:47:19 CDT
  166. Rip Out the Heart of Your Lover Today!

    Luciana Bohne wrote:
    The poet Percy Bysshe Shelley wrote that, in the rapacity that the industrial revolution created, people first surrendered their minds or the capacity to reason, then their hearts or the capacity to empathize, until all that was left of the original human equipment was the senses or their selfish demands for gratification. At that point, humans entered the stage of market commodities and market consumers——one more thing in the commercial landscape. Without minds or hearts, they are instrumentalized to buy whatever deadens their clamoring and frightened senses——official lies, immoral wars, Barbies, and bankrupt educations.

    [Read more]
    Tuesday, May 31st, 2005
    07:38:53 CDT
    Last modified: Tuesday, May 31st, 2005
    07:42:53 CDT
  167. Emergency Lights

    Last nihgt I was having to travel ~5mph in a torrential storm. In order to make my presence more visible — visibility being something I ached for — I turned on my emergency blinkers while still on the highway.

    6:45 AM the phone rings, jarring me from a very lucid and strange dream. It felt like I teleported — I don't remember running — and ended up 150 feet away in the kitchen, clutching the phone on what registered, to me, as the second ring. It was Conny, the neighbor across the street. "Teddy, your emergency blinkers are on." How soon had I answered the phone? She said the 2nd ring.
    [Read more]

    Monday, May 30th, 2005
    12:54:51 CDT
    Last modified: Monday, May 30th, 2005
    12:53:51 CDT
  168. Horrific Storm!

    I knew something was up when Missy was sitting at the door, her eyes wide, tail flipping...the nervous posture she uses only in times of extreme stress before long trips, vet visits, and huge storms.

    [Read more]

    Sunday, May 29th, 2005
    22:54:16 CDT
    Last modified: Sunday, May 29th, 2005
    23:00:16 CDT
  169. My Entire DVD Collection :o

    Because I am insanely bored, I don't feel like coding, I don't feel like working on [past employer's site] for free, I'm waiting for the google update to finalize, and it's way damn early, I have no non—busy local friends (1 out of 1) and this will (hopefully) take at least an hour, and will be less stressful than CounterStrike and more rewarding than Starcraft. Is that a run—on? :—) Maybe I'll inventory my DivX later.

    Number of discs in parentheses.

    128 discs, 98 movies.

    [Read more]

    Sunday, May 29th, 2005
    20:18:52 CDT
    Last modified: Saturday, February 4th, 2006
    10:42:24 CST
  170. My Day

    It started when I was to meet my sister, neice, and her *loser*+abusive long—term boyfriend — aptly named Cain — for lunch at 12:30. I got there at 12:45 but needless to say, they weren't there and never showed up. I left at 1:30. While paying the bill I noticed a flyer on the counter about an HIV/AIDS awareness seminar ("Know so you can help!") sponsored by the local Unitarian Universalist church; the very one I stopped going to in 2002.

    Tonight I bought a 300 GB external Seagate drive and an MP3—DVD player. I fit all of my 2005 songs on ONE dvd (4GB!) and it is awesome quality. JVC again.
    [Read more]

    Saturday, May 28th, 2005
    22:29:58 CDT
    Last modified: Saturday, May 28th, 2005
    22:33:58 CDT
  171. Best place for Houston Astros Tickets

    Shameless plug follows :o

    Want great Houston Astros tickets? Try a place that is better than TicketMasters.

    Friday, May 27th, 2005
    16:37:49 CDT
    Last modified: Saturday, February 4th, 2006
    10:32:27 CST
  172. More movies

    K i wrote this on a napkin as my computer is currently in pieces spread over a 10 mile radius...I'm looking at my monitor now, heh.

    I bought more movies &mdash each $5:

    • A Beautiful Mind

    • Disclosure

    • Frantic

    • What's Eating Gilbert Grape

    • Secret Window

    • Vanilla Sky

    Thursday, May 26th, 2005
    23:24:50 CDT
    Last modified: Friday, May 27th, 2005
    09:31:50 CDT
  173. Very Crazy Dream

    Last night I had — by far — the most lucid (seemingly) telepathic experience of my entire life. For approximately 6 hours last night, I communicated with some one I haven't spoken to in a couple years. It was surreal. I was just insanely enjoying (as was my companion) the dreamscape as it was every thing I want the world to be like.

    The dream was crazy. It was an alternate world and I had gotten there via a Sliders timer. I dont' know how but this person and their father ended up in the same 'bus' as me (i had already been rescued from a sinking boat), along with about 20 other people. It was a tour bus and our guide was welcoming us to the city. No one but my chance—companion knew we were from another dimension.
    [Read more]

    Wednesday, May 25th, 2005
    11:17:05 CDT
    Last modified: Wednesday, May 25th, 2005
    11:13:05 CDT
  174. One—way Telepathy?

    Have you ever felt connected to some one? Has your body ever responded to their general seasonal emotional orientation? Do you think about them and they call? Are you physically and emotionally affected by just being in a house that has a history of negativity? Would you consider yourself an empath?

    What if you had more concrete examples? What if one person you cared about thought about things, went to different places, moments, hours or days before you — unknowingly — did the same? What if the same happened in reverse? E.g. you both seem to have a connection. Can such two—way or even unidirectional forms of telepathy be caused by only one person? I don't know.
    [Read more]

    Tuesday, May 24th, 2005
    14:37:41 CDT
    Last modified: Tuesday, May 24th, 2005
    14:54:41 CDT
  175. Funny comment :—)

    So, Isigned on to Battle.net to play Starcraft just now and saw a really funny quote. Here it is for posterity :—)

    <potatosack> are you a slowass typer or do you take a piss everytime you say something?

    Sunday, May 22nd, 2005
    21:03:27 CDT
    Last modified: Sunday, May 22nd, 2005
    21:04:27 CDT
  176. Top 10 Movies of All Time

    After much deliberation — ok, 5 minutes worth — here is my revised list of my faviorite ten movies:

    1. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

    2. What Dreams May Come

    3. The Matrix II

    4. X—Files

    5. American Beauty

    6. The Matrix I

    7. Fight Club

    8. The Life of David Gale

    9. In the Mouth of Madness

    10. Dare Devil and/or Deterrence and/or The Green Mile

    [Read more]

    Sunday, May 22nd, 2005
    17:52:19 CDT
    Last modified: Sunday, May 22nd, 2005
    17:55:19 CDT
  177. Most Enlightened Film

    If there's one huge paradigm shift I've had in 2005 it is that God[dess], Reality and Life are intrinsically One and Individual: my Trinity. And a corollary: God[dess] does not — cannot — judge, yet some things just 'happen' out of habbit and reinforced thought: Gravity, the 2nd law of thermodynamics, self—deprecation of suicides to the point that they cannot escape the Hell of their own creation, etc.

    Since it points out virtually all of this through great casting, acting, visuals, metaphor, and theme, What Dreams May Come [trailer] has to be the most enlightened movie I have ever watched.
    [Read more]

    Sunday, May 22nd, 2005
    16:03:37 CDT
    Last modified: Sunday, May 22nd, 2005
    16:04:37 CDT
  178. Lots of New DVDs :—)

    Months before I signed up for Blockbuster's unlimited monthly rentals in January 2005 I had stopped buying DVDs. In fact, I cannot recall buying a single DVD in all of 2004; I know I only rented five videos max in 2004, all after September. Today, I think I made up for it. I have played Starcraft either by myself or on PvPGN servers since 1996. But I have never owned a valid CD Key, until now. When I went to Best Buy they had this huge cart full of DVDs for $4 each! This is what I bought: Update: Addded 4 more :o
    [Read more]
    Saturday, May 21st, 2005
    13:10:12 CDT
    Last modified: Saturday, May 21st, 2005
    21:18:12 CDT
  179. Goddess Came Through [Explicit]

    [08:02] <Hope-Home> trying to write about my horrible experiences in Estrella prison is ...
    [08:02] <Hope-Home> it's very difficult
    [08:02] <Hope-Home> i'm shaking, have a headache, very stressed out, sweating
    [08:02] <Hope-Home> nauseated

    Are you physically weaker than the most hardened criminal? Do you wear glasses? Make sure you never ever let reprobates take your glasses from you! If they find out that you can't positively ID you without them...well, I almost died and was seconds away from being gang—raped by huge white motherfreckers.


    When my number was split—seconds from being called, I said a silent prayer to Crefn; that she would be forever free, that she was OK, and that I loved her with all my heart and soul. As long as she was safe and happy — I told Goddess — I had done my part and would accept the horror to come.

    Note: If you are under 21 years-old, please be advised there is some pretty graphic content in here :—/
    [Read more]

    Saturday, May 21st, 2005
    08:00:05 CDT
    Last modified: Saturday, June 4th, 2005
    14:14:05 CDT
  180. Line in the Sand? Where is Yours?

    Fascism. The encroaching kind.

    Do you go along to get along (Like an enabler of abuse)? Do you go along for minimial interruption (Motto of 1930's Germanic Jews)? Do you fanatically believe that you will be "raptured" up, miss every thing, and not give a damn about your 'left—behind' brethren? (Like the Pre—Millennialist 1940's Germanic pastors)?

    The question is, when will you say, "Enough is enough!" and start passively resisting by mobalizing with others and simply *NOT*DOING* what you are told? Haven't thought of this yet? I'm the only one of my friends who has. You *need* to. Your line will be crossed if many of us do not do this *now*!
    [Read more]

    Saturday, May 21st, 2005
    07:28:13 CDT
    Last modified: Saturday, May 21st, 2005
    08:01:13 CDT
  181. Stop the Draft Before the Draft Stops You!

    On March 31, 2005, Bush has ordered the Selective Services to be fully staffed + operational, and capable of instituting a full—scale draft of all American dwellers —— both citizen and non—citizen, both black and white, male and female, young and older.

    Every one, especially 'skilled' males aged 17 to 40 (yes Four—tee) are eligible. And this time there are vanishingly few deferments. In this Age of Pre—Emptive Warfare, we can't have enough canonfodder. You kill a desert *#$*$ today or be declared a terrorist tomorrow, ya hear boy?!

    No Draft, No Way.org

    [Read more]

    Tuesday, March 1st, 2005
    11:38:03 CST
    Last modified: Saturday, May 21st, 2005
    07:39:03 CDT
  182. For the Record...

    What is 'love'? Something best defined by negation, like the question, "Who am I?" In our systemmically debased culture, fully 80% of the definitions of love are horribly self—centered and even vulgar. My love for Crefn did not arise spontaneously due to rampant biological urges but from a conscious decision. Yes, love is primarily a decision. A decision to be willing to sacrifice for the other. The more you will go, the more you love. Jesus summed it up nicely: "No greater love is there than a man who gives up his life for a friend."

    [Read more]

    Friday, May 20th, 2005
    15:07:30 CDT
    Last modified: Saturday, May 21st, 2005
    09:16:30 CDT
  183. My Confirmed Premonition

    So, this morning after I had gotten out of the shower I had this intuition — out of no where — "Man, wouldn't it be great if I could put advertistements in RSS feeds?! I mean, there's not a single RSS aggregator that filters for SPAM yet, and people couldn't 'block' them without losing access to your content.

    Well, today it was announced that Google has started delivering AdSense into RSS feeds :o

    If that incredible synchronicity doesn't knock you down like it did me, lol!
    [Read more]

    Thursday, May 19th, 2005
    14:49:35 CDT
    Last modified: Thursday, May 19th, 2005
    14:55:35 CDT
  184. Super String of Synchronicities

    These books are all awesome. Here's a quote by David Icke's newest Infinite Love. Be *sure* to read more for the awesome string of synchronicities that brought me to this book.

    People keep doing what the government dictatorships tell them to do, without question or challenge, and perpetuate the illusion that they have free choice by never making one. "Having my wings stuck to this web suits me fine because I am choosing not to fly." I have met so many people over the years who thought they were free until they did something that was outside the "norm". And big reality check followed because, to quote the great American comedian, Bill Hicks: "You are free to do as we tell you." [CoBEn2000: the free speech zones, LOL] As the Orwellian global state emerges rapidly from the shadows, this self—deception about a "free world" is becoming far more difficult to sustain."

    [Read more]
    Wednesday, May 18th, 2005
    15:10:11 CDT
    Last modified: Wednesday, May 18th, 2005
    17:55:11 CDT
  185. Coolest Screenshot: IE and Winamp in GNOME

    THe coolest screenshot ever :o Winamp 5.09 and Internet Explorer 6 SP 1 running in Gnome on Debian :p

    Winamp 5 and Internet Explorer 6

    Wednesday, May 18th, 2005
    11:16:36 CDT
    Last modified: Thursday, May 19th, 2005
    13:55:36 CDT
  186. New host is awesome!!

    [21:16] <HopeSeekr> so there was some DNS weird shit going down w/ [this site]. [21:16] <HopeSeekr> and i'm going, wow that's weird...it keeps pointing to a new ip every five minutes! But never going down :o [21:16] <HopeSeekr> i call up tech support..live AMERICANS open until 11pm my time (OMFG!!!) [21:16] <HopeSeekr> they say, "Ya, we're suffering from three websites experiencing massive loads" [21:17] <HopeSeekr> O? [21:17] <HopeSeekr> "Ya, one of our servers was slashdotted and the others are suffering dos attacks... you wouldn't believe how much bandwidth teh slashdotted one took up!" [21:17] <HopeSeekr> How much? [21:17] <HopeSeekr> "75 GB / hour" [21:17] <HopeSeekr> And you guys coped?! [21:17] <HopeSeekr> "Ya, but we've been diverting traffic across several class—a subnets all day!" [21:18] <HopeSeekr> No wonder IPs keep changing! [21:18] <HopeSeekr> "Yep!"

    [Read more]
    Tuesday, May 17th, 2005
    21:18:42 CDT
    Last modified: Thursday, May 19th, 2005
    13:54:42 CDT
  187. Microsoft Eyes Redhat :o

    I knew it! Years and years ago, when I snubbed RedHat after using 6.x longre than any distribution thus far (I started w/ kernel 1.1.16), I realized they had come to resemble Microsoft in virtually every way; especially the horrible products, costly technical support (which I needed because of the products), and expensive boxes.

    Today I heard something *shocking*: Microsoft may buy out RedHat! The only reason I could fathom would be for the brand—name recognition, but the article points out something about Microsoft trying to undercut IBM.
    [Read more]

    Monday, May 16th, 2005
    15:26:42 CDT
    Last modified: Tuesday, May 17th, 2005
    09:56:42 CDT
  188. New site up! sort of ...

    As you can see, the site is sup...

    However, there seems to be issues with the themes on the initial page. If you see a very white, dull page, please click here.Hopefully this will be fixed later today :—9

    Tuesday, May 17th, 2005
    09:51:45 CDT
    Last modified: Tuesday, May 17th, 2005
    09:52:45 CDT
  189. This site is moving!

    This site is moving to a new host! Hurray!!

    Ever since 22 April its host has *sucked*, necessitating a pull—out of all systems—critical sites, such as this one. We are moving to BlueHost.

    NOw I just have to

    1. Backup incendiary database

    2. Create a new account on new host

    3. Upload MySQL

    4. Tweak a few settings

    5. Upload drupal

    6. Test

    7. Modify DNS

    Should take me twenty minutes :—)

    Monday, May 16th, 2005
    10:27:52 CDT
    Last modified: Monday, May 16th, 2005
    10:30:52 CDT
  190. Survivor Palau — Tom wins immunity

    Tom won immunity. It will be interesting to see who goes home.

    From the previews it seems Tom and Ian will soon have a *serious confrontation. I just hope that Jenn is the first, or maybe even Katie. I personally cannot stand either type of woman, but something about Katie's nature *really* pisses me off. On the other hand, Jenn is*long* over due to be voted off, imho.

    Sunday, May 15th, 2005
    19:29:16 CDT
    Last modified: Sunday, May 15th, 2005
    19:31:16 CDT
  191. No Event

    Today was pretty boring. This site (and [past employer's site]) went down for ~45 minutes, and after my initial panic I gave up worrying. I will find a new host Monday. Today was very boring and I've been exhausted ... it almost feels like there's a pyshic vampire on my tail. Any way, after sleeping all day I now feel biologically depressed and will go sit in the corner.

    Saturday, May 14th, 2005
    20:26:32 CDT
    Last modified: Saturday, February 4th, 2006
    10:41:51 CST
  192. Busy Day

    Ya, so I found a further conspiracy related to [past employer]...MAYBE I'll discuss it in detail later, but if I did so now I would risk getting charged with libel :o

    A gorgeous woman ~25 yrs—old at the bank I haunt — she sees me every 2 weeks — said, "O sir! Do you want your statement?" "Yes, please." "O wow...You're *really* doing well for yourself! Want to go out some time?" ::wink:: ::wink::

    [Read more]

    Friday, May 13th, 2005
    23:55:58 CDT
    Last modified: Saturday, February 4th, 2006
    10:30:57 CST
  193. Enter Amerika — RealID Now Law

    Boy, the noosphere is *really* aflame with the news today that the RealID was passed with absolutely zero dissent from our glorious Senators. I just quote what I've said previously in IRC today:

    hope—work> It's the fucking end of ameria
    hope—work> america
    hope—work> yesterday w/ 0 opposiing votes, the senate approved the RealID initiative
    hope—work> it creates a national id card that stores all of your personal information
    hope—work> and has an RFID tracker
    hope—work> so they can tell where you are any given time of day
    hope—work> the legislation makes it *illegal* to be in public without it
    hope—work> you cannot do the following without one:

    [Read more]

    Thursday, May 12th, 2005
    10:30:35 CDT
    Last modified: Thursday, May 12th, 2005
    10:36:35 CDT
  194. Maturity and Attraction

    Women. They are unquestionably directly responsible for all of my poetry. Wars, famine, politics; they make for great prose, but poetry for me requires the female gender. Nothing else irks me the way they do, for they provide both the best and worst experiences of my life, and I *never* know how they will react to any thing.

    I have realized — especially this past month — that a woman's age greatly predetermines how they respond to me; how they value a relationship with me. With the exception of *two* people, all women under the age of — say — 24 unquestionably shun me as any thing more than a friend. Common lines: "I'm just not attracted", "you're too good for me", etc. It probably wouldn't be surprising that both of the two that didn't snub me tended toward bisexualism, so their sexual sensitivity is probably wiredly differently than heterosexuals.

    With women 25 and over — well, that's a completely different story.

    [Read more]

    Thursday, May 12th, 2005
    00:27:44 CDT
    Last modified: Thursday, May 12th, 2005
    00:36:44 CDT
  195. Nice Night

    A peaceful night; an uneventful night. Preparing for slumber, a sharp ring of the doorbell, followed by three frenetic knock, knock, knocks shatter your machinations for dreaming. Instantly awake; an unsettling, momentary dread. Could there be police at your door? No, a solitary female. Mature, not young. Beautiful in her own way, excited; Excited at the prospect of spending time with you. Running; you run through the house, Trying to find pants, In the dead of night it is a feat. Scammering; trying to fix your hair in time. Dashing, you throw open the door; her arms open wide.

    [Read more]
    Wednesday, May 11th, 2005
    23:49:53 CDT
    Last modified: Wednesday, May 11th, 2005
    23:54:53 CDT
  196. Coolest CPU Cooler!!

    So, this guy was pissed off that his computer was making so much noise. So he dumped his *entire* computer — minus the disk drives — into mineral oil :o This is just so insane I'm going to have to try it!!

    Lots of pictures below!

    [Read more]

    Wednesday, May 11th, 2005
    17:50:15 CDT
    Last modified: Wednesday, May 11th, 2005
    17:53:15 CDT
  197. Crazy Night

    I deleted over 20 GB of MPEGs and AVIs tonight, and how much is windows saying is free? 355 KB. Nothing I delete increases this, the files are being shadow—copied somewhere by something and I can't figure out what.

    I was just stalked by a truck. It had followed me from the 3rd Ward of Houston, where I *idiotically* was at 11:00 PM for no reason — just wanted to drive — and it realyl freaked me out when I purposefully went the wrong direction in my neighborhood and the damn thing followed me for about 8 consecutive wrong turns that *NO*ONE* ever makes.

    I sped down my street, with its various blind corners, at 60 mph (limit 30) and prayed hard there was no cat or other wildlife in the street :o I saw the ferak behind me....i went past my house, turned into a culdesac a mile (and 4 blind corners) down and passed him about 30 sec later...He didn't turn around :o
    [Read more]

    Tuesday, May 10th, 2005
    23:45:11 CDT
    Last modified: Tuesday, May 10th, 2005
    23:49:11 CDT
  198. Just saw Nick!

    Twas a good day. Even though I procrastinated virtually the entire day.

    I was awoken at 11:13PM by my best friend, Nick. He's back from Las Cruces! Got back this morning but didn't bother calling until now! He looks awesome!

    I'm wired now :o

    Monday, May 9th, 2005
    23:28:07 CDT
    Last modified: Tuesday, May 10th, 2005
    00:30:07 CDT
  199. Psychic Disinvestment — The Effects of

    Ever been so in love with someone that you literally felt their pain? It isn't as rare as you think. Identical twins have these sensations all the time, and throughout history it has been the sign of utter devotion to one's love. Jesus felt so much love for humanity that he would become physically tired from giving his psychic energy to so many people; and this was Jesus, a Spiritual Master!

    For over two years now, I have had one of these connections with some one; you probably know who. After much meditation, I decided to disinvest from them psychically last Wednesday. Yet I cannot help but wonder if their life has suffered any. It was *far* easier than I imagined; I invested insane amounts into them, after all.
    [Read more]

    Sunday, May 8th, 2005
    22:27:08 CDT
    Last modified: Sunday, May 8th, 2005
    22:36:08 CDT
  200. Google Webaccelerator Creep Out :o

    So I used WebAccelerator for a day. A working day. On nothing but largely static pages and didn't realize how *evil* it was until I got home. I was immediately assaulted by the realization that I had not logged in to this site via Internet Explorer (which I have not used in days) and yet there I was, logged in as HopeSeekr. I immediately went to the neighbors, installed webaccelerator and viewed incendiary.ws again. This time, too, I saw I was logged in as Hopeseekr. Then I tried accessing the CPanel for the entire site. It worked :o
    [Read more]
    Sunday, May 8th, 2005
    12:37:44 CDT
    Last modified: Sunday, May 8th, 2005
    12:50:44 CDT
  201. Huge Synchronicity! October Sky

    O wow!!

    OK. So I bought a new harddrive today from Fry's. A 250GB SATA. When I plugged it in, it wouldn't boot; go figure, Fry's sucks. Then the harddrive that stopped working May 2003 that's been in my computer ever since just decided to ... work. I'm muttering about for the last hour finding nothing but *knowing* this — like every thing — is no coincidence. Then I find it: The entire October Sky OST!

    Crefn once said one of her favorite songs was on that OST. Yet it was so rare online I only found one song, the end titles, and she said that was not it. And here it has been...the entire long—sought OST, on my should—be—dead harddrive all along :o
    [Read more]

    Saturday, May 7th, 2005
    13:49:09 CDT
    Last modified: Saturday, May 7th, 2005
    13:50:09 CDT
  202. Google Webaccelerator Owns All!

    O my o my. This is the best thing since the adoption of Gzipped HTML (e.g. HTTP 1.1)!

    Google's Web Accelerator is *awesome*! I installed it at work and it saved our office a cummulative 8 hours of browsing in just about 5 hours of usage :O While the office LAN has traditionally been the top user in terms of traffic on the website, today we were number 8 of 10.

    Monday I am going to start an advertisting campaign for WebAccelerator right next to my existing Firefox campaign. I figure that by maximiziing Google's cache that it will minimize site latency and bandwidth requirements to boot.
    [Read more]

    Friday, May 6th, 2005
    22:17:09 CDT
    Last modified: Friday, May 6th, 2005
    22:15:09 CDT
  203. Need — The Illuision of

    [T]he first thing they tell [tell] you [is] that you need something. You need something to be happy, you need something to be acceptable...

    You need something.

    Your media reinforces it at every turn. Even your present religions, from which you hope to receive the highest wisdom, tell you this. They tell you that you need God. And God needs *you* to believe in certain ways...

    *Need* is the most damaging and restraining of all the illusions binding humanity solely to this realm.

    [Read more]
    Friday, May 6th, 2005
    21:16:47 CDT
  204. A Simple Outlook to Accept (All?) Loss

    Since I was first confronted with the loss of someone I knew with death I realized that the entire concept did not really perturb me at all. Every one will die, dying is natural, and either they're going to a better place, getting what they deserve, or going nowhere; either way, why should I let *just* death affect me?

    Since then, I have also come to accept loss of friends and lovers in the same way. I lose for the ascension of others, as I look at it. Plus, in terms of not associating with me, that's their loss, not mine. Most people claim their lives have been touched by mine. I pretty much selflessly serve others, knowing innately I and they are One. This realization has helped me accept, as I never thought possible just a few days ago, that just their search for happiness by and of itself is enough to honor their wishes; and why should I invest one ounce of sadness towards one who does not wish to reciprocate my love and/or friendship for fairly arbitrary reasons?
    [Read more]

    Friday, May 6th, 2005
    19:08:37 CDT
  205. God: Life not Working?

    So sayeth Goddess [supposedly, heh]:

    You say [Life] is not working in the moments that it is not bringing you what you want ... [This] is a horrible definition. Your life is always working, whether you know it or not. Sometimes it works to bring you what you want, and sometimes it works to keep you from what you think you want, until you can mature and grow and see that it isn't what would have brought you to the highest and best, that it wasn't your next most beneficial step.

    [Read more]
    Thursday, May 5th, 2005
    19:45:48 CDT
  206. Bush: Bonkers in the Bunker

    Has the President, by his foolishness, triggered a potential pullout of U.S. Treasuries, thereby triggering a near—term dollar crash? How close are we to such a cataclysmic event, as the result of the President's foolishness? ... The collective insanity at the White House, LaRouche concluded, can not go ignored, but at the gravest threat to world stability.

    Full article at Executive Intelligence Review.

    Thursday, May 5th, 2005
    18:48:46 CDT
    Last modified: Thursday, May 5th, 2005
    18:52:46 CDT
  207. Alcazar — Alcastar Lyrics

    In another twist that proves that I like European culture more than the debased Amerikan one I am inundated in, it turns out I like another Top Swedish Song, just like my last favorite: Chipz — Chipz in Black, which praseodym pointed out is hot in the Netherlands right now :o

    The *crazy* thing is that I can't find Alcazar — Alcastar Lyrics any where!
    Here are the inspiring lyrics full of Enlightenment...

    [Read more]

    Thursday, May 5th, 2005
    12:01:09 CDT
  208. One in a Billion

    This is something my boss handed me this morning as it was obviously apparent my world had been shaken. It makes me feel better even though I realize it is almost total religious dogma. As I realized in highschool: When I prayed for help on tests I knew I could pass I would fail miserably and when I didn't pray on tests I hadn't studied for I'd make As.

    [Read more]
    Wednesday, May 4th, 2005
    11:08:26 CDT
    Last modified: Wednesday, May 4th, 2005
    11:27:26 CDT
  209. Full story coming

    OK. Let's just get my entire side of the story out in the open over the next few days/weeks and then we will see what happens to decent guys in our great country :—) There really are guys who will give you every thing plus their freedom for you when you're in need. The only thing I think is weird is how I still haven't found someone who appreciates that quality in me.

    Wednesday, May 4th, 2005
    08:25:55 CDT
    Last modified: Wednesday, May 4th, 2005
    08:38:55 CDT
  210. 147.07 days —I Love IGF—1!

    147.07 days, or 4 months, 27 days 1 hours 40 minutes

    OK. I am *crazily* dependent on growth hormones (Specifically IGF—1) omfgoddess... I just started taking them in mid—March and already, if I miss an injection by 2 or 3 hours (e.g. i haven't had one in 26 or 28 hours) I just get *incredibly* depressed *immediately* :o

    I don't consider myself ::addicted:: because normally every person's body produces natural ammounts of IGF—1 when adults and IGF—2 when growing...I am part of the top 0.005% baby!

    For more on this, check out Thank *me* on your 150th birthday.
    [Read more]

    Wednesday, May 4th, 2005
    07:54:34 CDT
    Last modified: Wednesday, May 4th, 2005
    07:58:34 CDT
  211. 147.48 days, or 4 months, 27 days 11 hours 37 minutes

    At least 147.44 days, or 4 months, 27 days 10 hours 37 minutes of Hope remaining...

    OK OK. Right now I'm extremely depressed. I *hate* biological depression, and I need to get back into the Now. I think that means that all these countdowns will just 'disappear' in a few days.

    I think I should find a housemate while my parents are away for the next four months. Still don't think i'll be able to "move on" though.

    Another synchronicity: I erased a *really* depressed entry i started at 11 hrs 37 min and started this one at 10 hrs 37 minutes
    [Read more]

    Tuesday, May 3rd, 2005
    21:57:14 CDT
    Last modified: Tuesday, May 3rd, 2005
    23:32:14 CDT
  212. 147.58 days — Blogs better than E—Mail

    At least 147.58 days, or 4 months, 27 days 14 hours 1 minutesof Hope remaining...

    A full two weeks into this venture — my first blog — and I am thoroughly hooked/entranced by the entire "blog" thing. I grew up with the internet. I registered wakeup—people.com in 1994 (I lost it, along with a far more pressing love ~20 December 2003) back when just 0.05% of the population of the US was online. And to think that Crefn's old blog was the first I ever saw, lol. I've been maintaining it for her dutifuly for the last two years; least I could do after all that I've done.
    [Read more]

    Tuesday, May 3rd, 2005
    19:34:26 CDT
  213. 147.69 days — Real Matrix for Animals :—/

    At least 147.69 days, or 4 months, 27 days 16 hours 38 minutes of Hope remaining... As reported over at Wired News today:

    Future technologies, though, could yield fruit. For example, some theorists have floated a Matrix—like scenario that would use direct stimulation of the brain to fool livestock about the reality of their living conditions.

    "To offset the cruelty of factory—farming, routine implants of smart microchips in the pleasure centers may be feasible," says David Pearce, associate editor of the Journal of Evolution and Technology. "Since there is no physiological tolerance to pure pleasure, factory—farmed animals could lead a lifetime of pure bliss instead of misery. Unnatural? Yes, but so is factory farming. Immoral? No, certainly not compared to the terrible suffering we inflict on factory—farmed animals today."

    [Read more]
    Tuesday, May 3rd, 2005
    16:57:32 CDT
  214. 147.85 days — Br8king Time's Hold

    At least 147.82 days, or 4 months, 27 days 19 hours 41 minutes of Hope remaining...

    I realized today while driving to work that this very website — actually just one part of it — has tied me into The Futhre / Anticipation exponentially more than any thing since I largely freed myself from Time's servitude in late 2003.

    For those of you that don't know, time is an utter illusion. The best measurer of change is actually the synchronicities that occur in your life...
    [Read more]

    Tuesday, May 3rd, 2005
    13:56:43 CDT
  215. 148.51 days — The Price of Consumption

    At least 148.51 days, or 4 months, 28 days 12 hours 20 minutes of Hope remaining...

    The Price of Consumption, is it worth it? I found this video on indymedia.org, yet it was a *huge* monstrousity (60 MB) in an antiquated encoding I had never heard of (VP3). Well, I transcoded it to mp3+xvid. It is now an amazing 10 MB (the audio is larger than the video :O). The quality is just slightly worse than the original. The first 50 people may download from this site, then it moves on to ED2K. It made me cry :—/

    [Read more]

    Monday, May 2nd, 2005
    21:14:26 CDT
    Last modified: Monday, May 2nd, 2005
    21:20:26 CDT
  216. 148.58 days — Nice day

    At least 148.58 days, or 4 months, 28 days 13 hours 51 minutes of Hope remaining... Saturday, I got to hang out with my 16 year—old niece for the second time ever; I found out she existed 5 years ago when she was 11, and now she's 5'11" and towers over me :O I hung out with my 13 yr—old (14 in 20 days :) nephew Jared for about 3 hours. While all the old ones were puckering about downstairs, we were upstairs watching Jackass The Movie *much* to his mother's delight, lol. We finished discussing God and philosophy which I thought was *insanely* cool. he and I have more in common than any other family member, it's insane. Who else prefers books to socializing?! Attached is a picture of other niece :—)
    [Read more]
    Monday, May 2nd, 2005
    19:42:38 CDT
    Last modified: Monday, May 2nd, 2005
    20:58:38 CDT
  217. 148.82 days — Spiritual Masters

    At least 148.82 days, or 4 months, 28 days 19 hours 39 minutes of Hope remaining...

    Had another *awesome* spirtual power—hour during lunch today. What I've learned over the last week is fairly amazing. After eighteen months of next to no spiritual enlightenment, I am being bombarded :—) This definately is related to the influx of daily synchronicities in my life which started on or around 30 March 2005.

    My new creed is:

    • God is Process

    • God is Man

    • God is the Universe throughout us

    Here's what I've learned about God/Life?Reality in the last 8 days:

    [Read more]

    Monday, May 2nd, 2005
    13:55:01 CDT
    Last modified: Monday, May 2nd, 2005
    17:38:01 CDT
  218. 149.17 days — Low Consciousness :—(

    149.17 days, or 4 months, 29 days 4 hours 10 minutes of Hope remaining...

    OK, I am in a state of very low consciousness...You know? You go to sleep 98% happy with the current direction of your life, wake up at 4 AM due to a serious inconvenience and by 4:45 you are about 80% upset with your life?

    OK...maybe it's my stupid parents, my asshole dad, or the lack of reciprocated lovers in my life. But still...

    [Read more]

    Monday, May 2nd, 2005
    05:45:49 CDT
    Last modified: Monday, May 2nd, 2005
    11:47:49 CDT
  219. 149.56 days — Horrible Fascism

    149.56 days, or 4 months, 29 days 13 hours 29 minutes of Hope remaining.

    TUSC is a creative and powerful form of resistance to the ever—growing culture of oppression of which UCSC is a part, as well as an opportunity to define and create the kind of world we wish to live in. In glaring contrast to the University of California, which is driven almost solely by economic imperatives, Tent University will function based on principles of liberty, solidarity, community, and creativity.

    Tent University, UCSC, was shut down in April by an insanely—fascist police organization. The attached video shows cops picking up protestors by the necks for up to 5 minutes. You see people throwing up, passing out, and even CPR performed becuase of this Nazi practices. I just can't believe the crowd didn't riot.
    [Read more]

    Sunday, May 1st, 2005
    20:10:24 CDT
    Last modified: Sunday, May 1st, 2005
    20:11:24 CDT
  220. 149.85 days — Sorry, You Missed the Rapture

    149.85 days, or 4 months, 29 days 20 hours 19 minutes of Hope remaining...

    I hate to be the one to break it to you, but You have missed the Rapture!! Yet before you "flee into the mountains" you might consider that the reason you missed it is because you believe[d] in the wrong religion :o

    It was announced today — 2005—05—01 — that the oldest known fragment of the Book of Revelation was finally translated, due to the aid of cutting—edge infrared cameras used in decades—old spy satellites. For more, see The Holy Grail of Christian Anthology.
    [Read more]

    Sunday, May 1st, 2005
    12:41:56 CDT
    Last modified: Sunday, May 1st, 2005
    13:17:56 CDT
  221. 150.37 days — My Plans for 2006

    150.37 days, or 5 months, 0 days 8 hours 55 minutes of Hope remaining...

    I have more or less 5 months exactly before I find out whether or not the only thing I am hoping for will be possible. Regardless, whether October is a time of rejoicing or mourning, I *know* what I am going to be doing come the summer of 2006. At least one person would be insanely interested in doing this with me too, and this gives me more hope than virtually any thing tonight :—)

    To what do I allude? From 8 — 13 Nov 2004 I went on a cruise with the entire side of my dad's family to the Caribbean. Because of the wedding, we really only got a chance to go on two excusions. On our last excursion Thursday we had the opportunity to either get drunka nd shop at flea markets or travel 150km inland to official Mayan ruins. What do you think I picked?!
    [Read more]

    Saturday, April 30th, 2005
    22:23:34 CDT
    Last modified: Sunday, May 1st, 2005
    00:40:34 CDT
  222. 150.52 days — New Layout | Stats

    150.52 days, or 5 months, 0 days 12 hours 35 minutes of Hope remaining... I found a *bunch* of high—quality Claire Forlani pics, so I'm going to create one theme for each one and use a different one daily|weekly and give users the opportunity to choose their own as well :—) Incendiary.ws statistics are through the roof :o Based on the stats the content is the most popular of any site I have ever seen / maintained. See for your self below...
    [Read more]
    Saturday, April 30th, 2005
    20:47:39 CDT
    Last modified: Saturday, April 30th, 2005
    20:59:39 CDT
  223. 151.31 days — CRAZY xMule Synchronicity!

    151.31 days, or 5 months, 1 days 7 hours 20 minutes of Hope remaining... OK, Reality keeps hitting me with all these synchronicities. For the last few days I have been fretting over the state of xMule.ws. I have no idea when the account at yrhost.org expires; i think it is soon. I hate the down times, how it lags when I release a new version of xMule, a lot of things. Today I was checking my operamail account — something I haven't done in *months* — because of a recent string of synchronicities directly related to it. I received this message tonight:
    [Read more]
    Saturday, April 30th, 2005
    02:04:42 CDT
    Last modified: Saturday, April 30th, 2005
    10:15:42 CDT
  224. 151.36 days — Theme Customizations

    151.36 days, or 5 months, 1 days 8 hours 44 minutes of Hope remaining...

    Hmm...I like the new site :—) If any one is offended by the pic of Claire Forlani (of Requiem for a Dream), please say so here. My only fear is that the site is too cluttered. Btw, it's firefox optimized :—)

    Saturday, April 30th, 2005
    00:50:53 CDT
    Last modified: Saturday, April 30th, 2005
    00:52:53 CDT
  225. 151.42 days — On Synchronicity

    151.42 days, or 5 months, 1 days 10 hours 6 minutes of Hope remaining...


    • A Jungian term for a meaningful coincidence that has a low probability of being a random or chance event.
    • An acausal connecting principle. A principle that links events acausally, that is, in terms of the subjective meaningfulness of the coincidence, rather than by cause and effect.
    • The alignment of forces in the universe to create an event [of great import; i.e. Destiny —ed]

    More from Google Definitions

    [Read more]

    Friday, April 29th, 2005
    23:08:08 CDT
    Last modified: Friday, April 29th, 2005
    23:29:08 CDT
  226. 151.48 days — Synchronicities, omfg!

    Goddess!!! After almost a year 1/2 of next—to—zero synchronicites with my firs thappening in early sep 04, the next in dec and the next four weeks ago, I swear...I am *rolling* in them since earlier this week!

    WoW! If i wasn't so wary about fascism getting me, I would be unreservedly jumping up and down, running naked through the streets, shouting EUREKA!!.

    Instead, I am hopefully optimistic, about to speed down the street (to the coffee shop) with Reilly, and all the while, JuMpInG uP aNd DoWn!!!

    I'll write more about synchronicitie
    [Read more]

    Friday, April 29th, 2005
    22:06:29 CDT
    Last modified: Friday, April 29th, 2005
    22:21:29 CDT
  227. 151.49 days — Strange Reticence

    151.49 days, or 5 months, 1 days 11 hours 52 minutes of Hope remaining...

    For those of you that don't know, back in February I bought a new box. 3.0GHz Pentium 4, 2GB 400MHz DDR2, 80GB SATA, plus the 16x DVD—RAM I bought in January. Now something is wrong with its fan, it ratches incredibly loud now and it makes me want to punch my LCD as it is very grating noise I listen to for hours on end. I plan to give it to my nephew (who is currently using a 1.0GHz P4) when I buy a new one.

    I want to buy a dual Opteron box..somethign that will last me for a few years. I want to spend up to $3,000. But there's this *crazy* feelings of reticence when I contemplate this. While I have plenty of money to cover this, I just can't help but think — not "How could this hurt Crefn?", but — "How much would this hinder Crefn and I from having fiscal security in the near future?" Crazy, I know! I don't even know if she will talk to me! and yet, in an odd way, my life revolves around her even with so much uncertainty and time.

    [Read more]

    Friday, April 29th, 2005
    21:12:29 CDT
    Last modified: Friday, April 29th, 2005
    21:43:29 CDT
  228. 151.95 days — Partially Spidered NFL

    151.95 days, or 5 months, 1 days 22 hours 53 minutes of Hope remaining...

    When drammatically changing file names, it is best to change the links on pages — i have recently learned — after the Big Three have cached the new redirects. This data confirms my earlier hypothesis that Google simply cannot handle XHTML 1.1 and that the others are giving XHTML 1.1 priority.

    Updated: 2005—04—30 12:15 —0500

    [Read more]
    Friday, April 29th, 2005
    10:40:22 CDT
    Last modified: Saturday, April 30th, 2005
    12:15:22 CDT
  229. 152.37 days — .htaccess woes

    152.37 days, or 5 months, 2 days 8 hours 56 minutes Listening to: Candee Jay — Back For Me It took me 35 minutes to set up Drupal, and 55 minutes to figure out how to set up 301 redirects from /modules.php.+ to /phpnuke/modules.php\1. The winning combination was:
    RewriteRule ^modules.php http://www.xmule.ws/phpnuke/modules.php%{PATH_INFO} [R=301,L]
    I will work on migrating xmule.ws' phpnuke+ipb users tomorrow, as well as attempt to integrate Drupal with IBP as I did with PHP—Nuke in July 04 i believe.
    [Read more]
    Friday, April 29th, 2005
    00:34:39 CDT
    Last modified: Friday, April 29th, 2005
    00:40:39 CDT
  230. 152.41 days — I love new layout

    152.41 days, or 5 months, 2 days 9 hours 53 minutes of Hope remaining...

    Wow!!! I *love* the new layout of xMule.ws!!

    Now...edit its theme or go to sleep??? CODE!

    Thursday, April 28th, 2005
    23:41:31 CDT
    Last modified: Thursday, April 28th, 2005
    23:43:31 CDT
  231. 152.49 days of Hope remaining — Classic Ted'ism

    152.49 days, or 5 months, 2 days 11 hours 45 minutes

    Bah! I had my first real Ted'ism in at least 6 months (remember? I was asleep ~14 months) tonight! I had *convinced* myself — with very little persuasion needed — that today was Friday. I assume it was having to watch one solid hour of Bushspeak [sic] lies about Social Security. He claimed earlier this week there was no Social Security trust fund and tonight he used the phrase "Social Security trustees" numerous times. He also claimed the Iraqis were "backward people loving death and tyranny" and Iranians were "not to be trusted with uranium".
    [Read more]

    Thursday, April 28th, 2005
    21:49:43 CDT
    Last modified: Thursday, April 28th, 2005
    21:53:43 CDT
  232. 152.51 days of Hope remaining — Drupalizing xMule.ws

    152.51 days, or 5 months, 2 days 12 hours 19 minutes

    I am going to drupalize xMule.ws as soon as Reilly and I get back from the local coffee shop. I'm going to have either a caramel mocha or vanilla latte, probably warm as I am chilled right now. For those interested in such things, NO IT IS NOT STARBUCKS!! I do not sell my soul; xcept via the $50 giftcard I was given last christmas and still have $40 bucks on.

    Back in 45min.

    Thanks to Mark Janssen of [Read more]

    Thursday, April 28th, 2005
    21:15:26 CDT
    Last modified: Thursday, April 28th, 2005
    21:21:26 CDT
  233. 152.61 days of Hope remaining — Nice Pics

    Time remaining: 152.61 days, or 5 months, 2 days 14 hours 40 minutes Here are pics I took after getting home from work :—) Missy totally wouldn't cooperate, Reilly is fuzzy, and I'm sure most of you will freak out when you see my desktop (work is just as bad) :o
    [Read more]
    Thursday, April 28th, 2005
    18:54:21 CDT
    Last modified: Thursday, April 28th, 2005
    18:59:21 CDT
  234. 152.65 days of Hope remaining...

    152.65 days, or 5 months, 2 days 15 hours 40 minutes

    On a scale of 10, today has been a 4. Nothing bad has happened — besides the bosses being emotionally abusive to coworkers forcing me to hold my tongue (and feel like a slut for doing so) — and the tension in the air from them. The mail server was down for 2 hours and *every*one* was *constantly* nagging me. No one could comprehend it was the fault of the ISP! UGH! As happens so often to geniuses, Ted must be able to fix EVERY THING, so blame him for every ill.

    Hopefully Survivor Palau in 1 hr 7 min will change all that :—))
    [Read more]

    Thursday, April 28th, 2005
    17:50:56 CDT
    Last modified: Thursday, April 28th, 2005
    18:52:56 CDT
  235. 152.93 days of Hope remaining — Affecting the Universe

    152.93 days, or 5 months, 2 days 22 hours 22 minutes

    Well, I finally accomplished two long—held goals today: I made my first RSS feed and made it a counter for the boundary condition this site revoles around. Just look at the GiveMeHope.org in the upper right :=)

    One of the best things I learned in 2004 was my affect on the Universe...
    [Read more]

    Thursday, April 28th, 2005
    10:35:13 CDT
    Last modified: Thursday, April 28th, 2005
    11:13:13 CDT
  236. 153.49 days of Hope remaining — Paradigm Shift

    153.49 days, or 5 months, 3 days 11 hours 48 minutes Listening to: Baracuda — Ass Up (Groove Coverage Remix Today, during one of my — now routine — view—of—reality—enhancing power lunch hours, I had what amounts to the largest epiphany I have had in years; count them, three years. It was not some new idea; it was a rephrasing of one I first formulated in mid—2000. And yes, it revolves around the very essence of reality, the Meaning of Life, and the Definition of God. :o
    [Read more]
    Wednesday, April 27th, 2005
    21:14:03 CDT
    Last modified: Thursday, June 2nd, 2005
    19:39:03 CDT
  237. 153.58 days of Hope remaining — Partially Spidered

    153.58 days, or 5 months, 3 days 14 hours 2 minutes

    An integral part of being a good SEO is being able to track what search engines have what pages of your site in their indices. While I have several — dare I say proprietary? — methods of tracking spider visits, this is one of the most visible to the end—user.

    Below I have constructed a continuously—updated score card of how MSN, Yahoo, and Google have indexed the site. All the listed pages were finalized on 24 April 2005. The results may shock you.

    Updated: 2005—05—02 19:55 —0500
    [Read more]

    Wednesday, April 27th, 2005
    19:36:35 CDT
    Last modified: Friday, May 6th, 2005
    10:45:35 CDT
  238. 153.93 days of Hope remaining — MSN Anomaly

    153.9 days, or 5 months, 3 days 21 hours 35 minutes As I was analyzing the company's website statistics the other day I noticed an anomalous trend with MSN Search referrers to the site: They were roughly 5 to 10 times less on the weekends. Today I finally figured out why. I attach the following pictures to illustrate that
    1. MSN Search is totally and utterly dependent on the default search page of Internet Explorer,
    2. Windows NT and 2000 are totally and utterly dependent on corporations, and
    3. My skills as an SEO have increased referrals dramatically (120% over when I started in January)

    [Read more]
    Wednesday, April 27th, 2005
    11:20:13 CDT
    Last modified: Wednesday, April 27th, 2005
    15:49:13 CDT
  239. 153.96 days of Hope remaining — Standards

    153.96 days, or 5 months, 3 days 23 hours 3 minutes

    This Drupal theme had a "validate" button at the bottom, but — lo and behold! — there were three errors with *XHTML 1.0 Transitional*! I spent ~1 hour early this morning standardizing it to *XHTML 1.1 Strict*. If you find a page that doesn't validate, please let me know. Small reward: publicity.

    Wednesday, April 27th, 2005
    10:32:47 CDT
    Last modified: Wednesday, April 27th, 2005
    10:37:47 CDT
  240. 154.42 days of Hope remaining — The Mars Volta

    Time remaining: 154.42 days, or 5 months, 4 days 10 hours 4 minutes
    Meh. No where *near* Rage Against the Machine in May 2000 or Ani Difranco 6 February 2005 :—(

    The seats were *great*; the crowd went wild, at select intervals. When I got there 15 minutes "late" it was already going strong...what band EVER starts on time?! I kept thinking it was a warm—up act as it was nothing but randomly incoherent and disharmonious hard chords for the first hour and a 1/2. While I initially gave it a 2 out of 10, the last thirty minutes really rocked...hard. Since it was my mom's first rock concert, and Nick's dad's first *hard* rock concert, and since they both thoroughly enjoyed themselves, I give it a 5 out of 10.

    [Read more]

    Tuesday, April 26th, 2005
    23:16:14 CDT
    Last modified: Tuesday, April 26th, 2005
    23:31:14 CDT
  241. 154.6 days of Hope Remaining...

    154.6 days, or 5 months, 4 days 14 hours 23 minutes

    I'm going to The Mars Volta concert at the Verizon Wireless Center!!!

    I have center stage, third row seats; and a lOT of them.

    I am going with a fellow employee and her husband, my mom and Nick's dad ;—)

    I will post pictures later tonight!!

    Tuesday, April 26th, 2005
    19:12:02 CDT
    Last modified: Tuesday, April 26th, 2005
    19:14:02 CDT
  242. 154.98 days of Hope Remaining — Essential Firefox Plugins

    154.98 days, or 5 months, 4 days 22 hours 46 minutes Installing Firefox 1.0.4 20050526 *completely* destroyed my plugins :—( But it works great now! So I had to completely wipe out my profile and insall them all over again. At least backing up and restoring bookmarks was effortless :—) I would get sick of *constantly* adding in these dozens of sites to my "Allow" in Firefox. So I have downloaded all of the latest as of this post and put them on this site for your convenience.
    [Read more]
    Tuesday, April 26th, 2005
    10:50:32 CDT
    Last modified: Tuesday, April 26th, 2005
    15:59:32 CDT
  243. L'art de la Vie (The Art of Living)

    Dedicated to Her (whomever she turns out to be)
    Love, Ted 13 April 2005

    Devotion: Aka True Love: Being there when it hurts. When it ruins your life, Never regretting.

    The woman you've never kissed; Dying a senseless death, Before you could propose; Adopting her sons as your own.

    [Read more]
    Friday, April 22nd, 2005
    20:16:54 CDT
    Last modified: Tuesday, April 26th, 2005
    15:54:54 CDT
  244. 156.57 days of Hope — Blaire's Confirmation

    156.57 days, or 5 months, 6 days 13 hours 40 minutes Early this morning I was witness to my niece's confirmation into the Methodist Church. It was the first "real" church service I had attended since largely giving up my Mormon affiliation after their dogged support for the Iraq Domination and out—right endorsement of President Bush (How can "propets" of God support such a cabal?!) It was the first church I had been in since I covertly attended the Jerry Farwell "Moral Majority" hatefest at a local baptist church, which drew crowds of several thousand to learn how to "convert your homosexual children!" AND THE TEXAS STATE PARLIMENT JUST DENIED HOMOSEXUALS THE RIGHT TO ADOPT BECAUSE THEY MIGHT "CONVERT" CHILDREN TO HOMOSEXUALITY!! GAJH!!!! Bigotted hypocrity in the name of G—d really gets me steamed! More on this in the future as it was quite fun and I almost got arrested again for supporting a good cause :—)
    [Read more]
    Sunday, April 24th, 2005
    18:55:24 CDT
    Last modified: Tuesday, April 26th, 2005
    08:15:24 CDT
  245. 155.94 days of Hope remaining...

    155.94 days, or 5 months, 5 days 22 hours 37 minutes Yes, this day started out just fine. Record number of sales in the office since I've been here; double—digit percentages more website traffic than year's most—coveted event (Rodeo), and there isn't even a major event. I feel I should ask for a raise but all they are doing is cursing and screaming and saying "Why is this other site so slow???" They also have perennial excuses as to why they have no orders one day (my fault) and many orders the next (they don't know what *they* did but it was good). In any event, due to both onrushing multi—year deadlines of momentous import *and* this incredibly stressful job, I swear I'm losing my hair at an ever—increasing rate :o
    [Read more]
    Monday, April 25th, 2005
    09:58:14 CDT
    Last modified: Tuesday, April 26th, 2005
    08:12:14 CDT
  246. 155.49 days of Hope remaining...

    155.49 days, or 5 months, 5 days 11 hours 40 minutes I'm about to go read an *awesome* book. Actually it is the first spirtually—oriented book I believe I have read since Crefn Mhyn and I split up in late 2003. It's called Tomorrow's GodTomorrow's God: Our Greatest Spiritual Challenge Every page is really deep. As I've grown accustomed to doing, whenever I find a treasure chest of enlightenment I always have a pen handy...and like The Holographic Universe this one is almost nothing but highlighting. :o Why do I do this? Not for myself. All of these books I give to others and hope to give to others yet again...People say they find my highlights and margin notes very helpful...as I talk to myself as much as to them when I write them.
    [Read more]
    Monday, April 25th, 2005
    20:56:35 CDT
    Last modified: Tuesday, April 26th, 2005
    08:10:35 CDT
  247. 155.07 days of Hope remaining — Frist psot!

    155.07 days, or 5 months, 5 days 1 hours 47 minutes. The frist psot ever on this site!! For those that don't know, some blog—like sites such as slashdot.org have such zealous users that they frequently want to have the "first post" of any given article. In their overzealous glee, many a poster makes the common typo "frist psot" because of the *stupid* layout of QWERTY. My goal in the next 6 weeks is to get off of QWERTY again and back on Dvorak. Hey, I can do it! —seekr of hope—
    Tuesday, April 26th, 2005
    07:47:17 CDT
    Last modified: Tuesday, April 26th, 2005
    08:01:17 CDT