A needle of Hope
amid a haystack of Chaos.

  1. My Views on Being an Alpha Male

    As an alpha male, I disagree with pretty much everything except the "confidence" thing. The woman I want is

    1. confident, yes, of at least of her own competence (I can (and like to) finesse out her other areas of confidence),
    2. *ideally*, my optimal wifey would also love to be led by me. I'm highly competent and trustworthy.
    3. wants to be on my exclusive team (us vs the world),
    4. is great supporter and cheer leader,
    5. is gentle and kind,
    6. feminine,
    7. *wants* to be a mother,
    8. is high vibe and spiritual.

    Sunday, December 31st, 2017
    22:29:27 UTC
  2. An Alternative To The Worldwide Immigration Order

    Imagine this law passing in countries around the world, starting with the U.S. and UK: No new immigrants into a country unless a city invites them -or- they pass a means test. An invitation would be given if two out of three conditions passed:
    [Read more]

    Monday, January 4th, 2016
    00:22:54 UTC
  3. Three Forms of Suicide

    A very candid discussion.
    [Read more]
    Saturday, December 5th, 2015
    16:30:40 UTC
  4. Homo Sensitivus: What I Hear

    When I'm in stillness, I hear a very very high pitched hum, coming from behind my face, behind my ears, and down.

    When I'm in ABSOLUTE stillness and lying prone on the bare desert Earth of the American Southwest, I hear a very low, deep down bumping sound that sounds sort of like bass from distant 18 wheelers continuously revving their engines, only much much lower. Momentarily, every now and then, I hear inside my head what can only be described as the sine waves testing sounds, for a only a second or three. Still don't know what those are.
    [Read more]

    Tuesday, December 2nd, 2014
    17:28:50 UTC
  5. A Very Strange Dream

    Last night, I had a very vivid dream:

    I was visiting my parents' place, sleeping on the sofa instead of my childhood bedroom. I had just woken up, at around 9 AM. I immediately heard a horrible sound, like a freight train. I ran into the kitchen and warned my mother away from the noise, and she ran to the other side of the house.

    All of a sudden, a tornado ripped off the roof of the house and started carrying me, in slow motion (as I guess you'd experience, if you, too, were in a tornado).

    [Read more]

    Monday, May 19th, 2014
    13:21:06 UTC
  6. A Most Amazing Event

    One of the most amazing moments of my life happened when I was 24 years old and walking my dog down the street I grew up on.

    For the setup: It was December 1998, half-way through my 10th Grade Year. My entire life up til that point, I had been completely shunned by the opposite sex. No hugs, nothing I saw them doing w/ other guys.

    There was this absolutely, drop dead gorgeous girl, I'm going to call her Lana, who my heart skipped a beat whenever I saw her. She was the first girl who ever came onto me, in 10th Grade. She was a hot relative stranger in my Choir class. I had come over to help her with her math homework.

    [Read more]

    Thursday, March 27th, 2014
    17:39:10 UTC
  7. My Teen Years with My Age Peers

    Junior High was absolutely the worst for me. I was beat up and mercilessly tormented physically, emotionally, and I dare say spiritually on a daily basis at home, at school and at church. 1st through 5th grade, it'd happen maybe 4x a week. 6th-10th, pretty much every hour of every day.

    My parents let me spend 1 semester in a private school my 8th grade year, and Oh my God it was WONDERFUL, I was even allowed on the Football team and I *enjoyed* it so much! I love being defensive tackle ;-)

    [Read more]

    Thursday, March 27th, 2014
    16:29:45 UTC
  8. Why I'm Different [Smart ladies, read this] - 32

    I'm a 21st Century Renaissance man seeking a smart, open-minded, and spiritual woman.
    I'm a different breed of guy. The odds are low that you know anyone quite like me, so you need to figure out if you're adventurous or not really quickly ;_)

    Here's how I'm different:
    [Read more]

    Monday, March 24th, 2014
    22:51:26 UTC
  9. Reality Shift #20: Meeting Katie


    [Read more]
    Wednesday, December 18th, 2013
    19:44:05 UTC
    Last modified: Friday, December 20th, 2013
    05:52:02 UTC
  10. We, The People, Are The Battered Wife!

    I super apologize to every troop ever who has had to suffer under the reigns of both Bush and Obama! 16 years of irrational, unethical and unprovoked wars is just too much!

    I also plead for the victims of our unchecked aggression to understand: We (The American People) are *the* Battered Wife! We've tried to leave in the near past (Civil War) near the beginning of the relationship, but were beat down so much we ended up in the emergency room for about 30 days (20 year "Reconstruction") and then brainwashed so heavily, every day, that we now believe it is ILLEGAL for us to leave again! OH, and we're scared to death, both collectively and individually, to try or to even be too loud and opinionated.

    Every day, we KNOW we're being spied on, treated as a criminal when we do NOTHING wrong, have our possessions taken from us, chosen what we can even buy and FORCED to buy things we do not want! OUr partner CONTROLS us increasingly more EVERY DAY and INCREASINGLY attacks us and threatens us in a myriad new ways.

    We've tried, oh we've tried! to talk to them (via the courts, protests, even mass movements for change) but they just thumb their nose at us and say, "Deal with it, Bitch! We know best! We're Bigger than you, and you NEED us." In fact, we almost all thoroughly believe we do NEED them or we would DIE> We can't possibly break away (secede) even for a day, or we wouldn't make it. Ask any of us and most would say that.


    [Read more]
    Sunday, September 29th, 2013
    01:02:09 UTC
  11. How To Keep Your Kindle Books after July 21, 2012

    T. Reader, I have some really bad news for you... 

    In 7 days, on July 21, Amazon is threatening to DISABLE every Kindle older than 1.10, which just won't work for me either. They have also pushed out new firmware to all Kindle hardware devices (even the old K4s) that not only adds "K8" support (they're new locked down file type) but also makes them bricked, too, if they're not upgraded. ALso, repots from the modders say that these latest hardware updates have removed all ability of users to mod their devices, which means there's no escape. 

    You should prepare *right* now if you want to hope on reading your books in the next 7 days if you don't want to depend on Amazon support to get their acts together before then:


    [Read more]
    Saturday, July 14th, 2012
    07:47:17 UTC
  12. DFX Audio Enhancer Now Extorts For Serial Number Recovery

    Dear FXSounds,

    You should forward this to whomever makes decisions around there.

    I've been a loyal DFX user and, I dare say, promoter and advocate for the better part of a decade now.

    Here is a list of my purchases:

    256506, 265984, 331743, 334096, 352060.

    Some time in 2011, your company stopped emailing serial numbers with the receipts. You pointed us to a URL where we could check our order and grab the serial. This was an OK compromise, even if every other app I buy online emails me the serial.


    [Read more]
    Sunday, June 3rd, 2012
    16:31:54 UTC
  13. SDLC: Waterfall Expectations vs. Agile Expectations

    NOTE: In these scenarios, assume that the project will take at least 200 hours and that the tasks have been trimmed to only the mission-critical and cannot be reduced further.


    The Waterfall Method Scenario:



    1. Come up w/ the project plan, 

    2. Have the devs come up time and effort estimations for each task, 

    3. Multiply that number by the number of projects your team must maintain in paralell with active development, plus one.

    4. Double the estimated hours and effort because developers are usually overly optimistic of their ability to churn out stuff by about that magnitude. The primary reasons for this are that when they estimate time, they expect to be uninterrupted, fully inspired, and being able to fully focus on the given task at hand. In reality, they are often interrupted by others (particularly side chatter), inspired only a few hours every day (and struggle to get into The Zone the rest), and are frequently sidetracked onto other tasks by their managers. That's when they aren't browsing the Net to cope with all the stress and lack of inspiration.

    5. If you are understaffed or there is a tight deadline, ssume a 35 hour work week due to exhausted staff. If both conditions persist, assume a 30 hour work week on average, because fatigue and sloppiness due to being rushed <strong>*and*</strong> exhausted will both become issues later, even if absolute hours are maintained.

    6. Assume 6 hours of 100% productive work a day with no weekend work, optimistically, and 4 hours conservatively.

    7. Plot the date on the calendar.

    8. Prepare to blow past that date (almost all Waterfall projects go substantially over both time and budget). Also prepare for geometrically increasing fatigue from your team members and impatience from the business.

    9. Set a new date and repeat Steps 5-9 until the project is finished or abandoned (15% likelihood).


    [Read more]

    Wednesday, May 16th, 2012
    17:53:14 UTC
  14. Is BPD Caused By a Memetic Parasite?

    Is Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) a literal Virus of the Mind? Is it contagious? For anyone who has lived with someone afflicted with it and other personality disorders (such as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)) can attest, their symptoms do tend to rub off on you. Eventually, if you're not careful, you start exhibiting much of the same behaviorisms, including paranoid, hot tempers, intolerence of other opinions, and black and white thinking.  Have you started to catch their bug yourself?

    Continue reading to find out more.


    [Read more]
    Wednesday, May 16th, 2012
    06:01:07 UTC
  15. Fix Facebook Comments font size in Chrome

    For months now, close to a year, I've been struggling to read Facebook comments inside Google Chrome. Have you had trouble reading small text in Chrome? How about that incredibly tiny text in Facebook comments in Google Chrome?


    Before: Small Facebook font
    After: Small Facebook font

    Below is my fool-proof solution to end this nightmare once and for all!


    [Read more]

    Monday, April 30th, 2012
    18:55:04 UTC
    Last modified: Monday, March 25th, 2013
    19:56:00 UTC
  16. My Date Night Horror Show; hope I see the kids again ;/

    It all started so well.

    My love and I have a scheduled Date Night. No matter what, we ardently strive to set aside Thursdays for a date unless there are pretty large extenuating circumstances (sickness, emergency, etc.). I've been doing this with lovers throughout my life. It gives a certain cadence to every relationship: Pretty much no matter what, every week love is reaffirmed in a fun-filled activity.

    Tonight was another spectacularly failed Date Night. See, when date nights fail, they fail *hard*, at least with this woman.

    [Read more]

    Friday, April 20th, 2012
    02:46:02 UTC
  17. Alternate Reality?

    OK, I honestly don't care if you believe me. In fact, this post isn't even for you, it's for me, to help me remember, and you're only viewing it cuz either 1) I haven't implemented my planned "People ACL Security" widget for Rosetta Blog or 2) I trust you enough to give you access.
    [Read more]

    Tuesday, March 29th, 2011
    13:21:30 UTC
  18. "Why I married her"

    One of the most inspiring things I've ever read, and I found it on Yahoo Answers, of all places:


    The **only** reason I married my wife was that she was the only person I ever met that I could be with for hours and days and months without getting really annoyed. I cannot explain why... it's just that most people annoy me, but my wife does not. I did not marry her because she was good looking or was good in bed. It was because I can be with her for an entire week, like on a vacation, and I still like her, even when she is a total butthole and i'm not getting any action.

    This is why i married her.



    [Read more]

    Sunday, March 27th, 2011
    02:46:01 UTC
  19. Remembering L'art de la Vie

    Well, you know what they say: With great tribulation comes great inspiration. In 2005, that was certainly the case with me!

    I present to you a snippet from my poem L'art de la Vie (The Art of Living):

    Surrender: Capitulating to Fate, Believing every experience is Good. Having no regrets for past evils suffered. Knowing acceptance cultivates Hope.

    Hope: The greatest mindset of all; Bedrock of Faith, Love, Inspiration and Devotion. Fear cowers before it; Hate seethes in defeat.


    [Read more]
    Sunday, March 27th, 2011
    02:15:00 UTC
  20. Potential Loss vs Acceptance of The Now

    My bestest friend Curtis Youngberg just relayed this to me:

    Life is series of additions. Even when we lose something, we don't lose any happiness we derived from it, we only stop receiving it temporarily until we find something (usually better) that takes its place.

    I thoroughly agree with this message.

    [Read more]

    Sunday, March 27th, 2011
    01:56:40 UTC
  21. There *Must* be a Higher Power

    There *must* be a higher power. There simply must.

    Why do I say this? Because my life is too perfect right now. I have no rational basis to presume that my life could be so full of happiness, success, richness of experience, and outright serenity if it were not for some benevolent (or at least neutral) Higher Power (TM) orchestrating at least the more meaningful "coincidences" (Watch How to harness synchronicty) in my life.

    To that Higher Power, whatever or whomever it is, Thanks. Thanks for showing me how to harness my own Energy to shape my own Reality, and thanks for helping me teach others.

    Saturday, March 26th, 2011
    11:02:30 UTC
  22. On Heterosexual Attraction

    Women who are whores are used by men for physical support. Men who are whores are used by women for emotional support. While female whores are publicly deningrated and feel horrible, male whores generally are overlooked and tend to be some of the most otherwise-well-off individuals. Why is this?

    In normal relationships, men lead women. Let's face it: it's genetic.


    [Read more]

    Saturday, March 26th, 2011
    10:21:25 UTC
  23. SpeedFC: Alert the Captain! The ship is sinking!!

    I announced my resignation at SpeedFC on 7 February 2011, one week after the resignation of their most tenured, senior and skilled developer, Ben Lake — who is still in the job market to the best my knowledge. In the month since, my backup on their ecommerce platform, Neil Little, jumped ship as well.

    Well! I just received the following email:


    Excellent Opportunity For PHP Developers: Dallas, TX

    [...]

    I'm reaching out to you today on behalf of one my clients — a leading provider of eCommerce solutions — who urgently seek PHP Developers to design and deliver B2B/B2C web applications on the back of the LAMP stack.




    [Read more]

    Wednesday, March 23rd, 2011
    01:24:02 UTC
  24. Commerce Law Equals No Inalienable Rights

    First, realize that they were almost certainly convicted of violating not a City Law but a City Ordinance. What's an ordinance? Let's look at a law dictionary!

    1. an authoritative rule or law; a decree or command.
    2. a public injunction or regulation; statute: a city ordinance againstexcessive horn blowing
    3. something believed to have been ordained, as by a deity ordestiny.

    [Read more]

    Thursday, January 1st, 1970
    00:00:00 UTC
  25. Beware: Easy Duplicate Finder purchase only lasts 1 year (www.easyduplicatefinder.com)

    My complaint to Easy Duplicator:

    I realized **AFTER** purchasing (only when viewing the "About" dialog in the app) that $39 had only purchased one year's worth of updates.

    I am a Software Engineer and a highly detailed-oriented person. This is the **first time ever** that I have missed that software was time-limited.

    [Read more]

    Friday, March 4th, 2011
    09:55:53 UTC
  26. WANdisco vs Apache

    Original: https://blogs.apache.org/foundation/entry/apache_subversion_to_wandisco_1

    To "127.0.0.1", your angry rhetoric seems way over the top to me, a long-time user of CVS, SVN, BZR and other SCMs.

    To me, a complete outsider to the byzantine world of SVN development, all of the problems David pointed out in his blog posts are problems I have personally experienced — and caused me great pain and loss of productivity — for more than half a decade with SVN. I swear, merging wasn't nearly so scary with CVS, because at least it was a more transparent (if faulty) process!

    [Read more]

    Tuesday, January 4th, 2011
    17:39:00 UTC
  27. Class Warfare and the American

    If you really know what's going on in the world, you'll see there's abundant proof that very real and high-stakes class warfare going on, where the top 0.1% (really, less than 10,000 men) pit the bottom 50% of the U.S. and the world against everyone else.

    They're engineering a system where

    • if they strengthen the USD and Euro, the bottom 50% will no longer receive subsidized healthcare, food, housing, unemployment benefits, or welfare in general;

    • * if they dramatically weaken the USD and the Euro, the unprepared middle to upper classes (e.g. the vast majority of well-offs) will be downsized to the downtrodden serf class.


    [Read more]

    Friday, December 17th, 2010
    08:19:00 UTC
  28. What to expect going forth into 2009 with collapsinig economies, millions of homeless, American economic refugees, etc

    The economy will contract some 25-33% of what it was last month (it's already contracted 4%, globally, 6%). Europe and Asia will be fucking devastated, as nearly-100% of American equity flees for U.S. city tax-free municipal bonds. Taxes fall as incomes plummet and poor, homeless people refuse to pay taxes.
    $5 to $10,000 is taken off of the average national income. CEO wages go from 300x to 5x the average worker, average workers lose 15-20% of their payrate, while inflation increases 15-20% per year.
    [Read more]

    Friday, August 10th, 2007
    22:24:00 UTC
  29. Good but stressful month

    I really like 2007 thus far. But I am incredibly stressed out recently, especially now.

    And sad, too. Irrationally. Well, not so irrationally, but I don't want to publically go into it.

    Friday, January 19th, 2007
    19:29:47 UTC
    Last modified: Friday, January 19th, 2007
    19:31:50 UTC
  30. What we should seriously consider doing now

    Don't sell all your stocks ... move the money into international funds, preferably ones heavier in Europe after the new rule put in place in Thailand that gave the Asian markets a shiver. It is not in China's interest to dump all those dollars onto the market at once since the US is buying so many of the products China is exporting. I think we will see a slow, steady slide over all of 2007.

    If the dollar gets too unstable or drops too low in value, OPEC is going to start selling oil in euros instead of Dollars, so you win on two fronts investing your dollars into mutual funds that hold stoc
    [Read more]

    Tuesday, December 19th, 2006
    16:51:53 UTC
    Last modified: Tuesday, December 19th, 2006
    16:52:09 UTC
  31. Back on track

    So,

    Tonight, mere minutes ago, I was driving through a rain-hazed rush hour towards my domicile while listening and singing (quite loudly) to Anastacia — Left Outside Alone, and it *hit* me:

    For seemingly the first time, and certainly with the most punch, I feel totally in the right spot in my life, which is bizarre because one of the few things I have done in the last 24 hours was write Crefn an email and start reading the first few pages of James Redfield's The Tenth Insight, which I'm not for sure if Crefn has read but it wouldn't surprise me.

    Let me repeat it: even though there are so many uncertainties with my life, I am where I should be doing what I should be doing and living how I should be living. I'm *almost* where I was a few years ago: the state of no regrets.
    [Read more]

    Tuesday, December 12th, 2006
    00:38:35 UTC
    Last modified: Tuesday, December 12th, 2006
    00:42:58 UTC
  32. Existential Poem



    I have listened
    And I have looked
    With open eyes.
    I have poured my soul
    Into the world
    Seeking the unknown
    Within the known.
    And I sing out loud
    In amazement.

    Rabindranath Tagore

    Sunday, October 29th, 2006
    01:50:05 UTC
    Last modified: Sunday, October 29th, 2006
    03:39:07 UTC
  33. Massive profits, mediocre growth

    Listen, the clickfraud gates were opened in March 2006. Certain major corporations (I only know of 1 but there may be others) secretly encourage clickfraud by arbitrarily reducing their filters and dogmatically refusing to prosecute scammers. One company in particular is in a very public alliance with these asshats and simultaneously uses it to generate billions in income *and* as both a scapegoat for poor quality (which it probably artificially caused to happen, to increase revenue!) and to strong-arm the more naive, honest SEOs into what not to do, so as to create an even more unfair field for the blackhats to amass pay per click fortunes (and w/ the company collecting 50%).
    [Read more]

    Sunday, October 22nd, 2006
    18:19:35 UTC
    Last modified: Sunday, October 22nd, 2006
    18:19:55 UTC
  34. Where to meet People?

    I have this problem. Where can I meet young people in Pearland, Texas? I have no idea! Honest to God[dess]!

    The *only* places I can think of are bars and churches; neither make for great conversations and I'm opposed to both for many of the same reasons.

    Yet, I'm incredibly lonely, post-Crefn. Somehow just the hope of having her in my life again made all of my present ills seem ... well, temporary. Now I realize that not only will it be long-term but it's already been this way since at least December 2004.

    I literally have not talked face to face to a single person under 30 in 2 weeks, adn that was Paul. Discounting 22 year-old Paul and his girlfriend, I haven't talked to a person under 30 in ... o (well there's Adea last wednesday) ... hmm, since Nick was here in March.
    [Read more]

    Thursday, July 14th, 2005
    00:21:40 UTC
    Last modified: Thursday, July 14th, 2005
    00:41:40 UTC
  35. My Favorite Diss :-)

    From ZeroGamers.com's private forum:

    U)HATE(ME > You dont play snipes Fool because it dont you still Crashe SO stfu you dont even know what your talking about KID!!

    HopeSeekr > OK at times like these I wish there was a /squelch for the forums. I'm *not* for censorship, but — Good God[dess]!! — U)HATE(ME...what an insightful fruedian slip of a nick! (that rhymes, lol!)

    "Kid" is not really an insult. Try pusillaminous neanderthal. At least you would sound more — sophisticated. As it stands you seem like a pubescent script-kiddie who wouldn't know the difference between C++ and COBOL and who thinks ASM primarily stands for Anal Sex Masochism. O wait, you probably aren't old enough to know what any of those words mean
    [Read more]

    Tuesday, July 12th, 2005
    23:32:31 UTC
    Last modified: Tuesday, July 12th, 2005
    23:35:31 UTC
  36. Personally edited lmhosts file.

    I hate livejournal. It has almost directly caused me to remain focused on a concept I once thought "defined" me. A concept another person pretty much ripped up into shreds. I hate biology. I am so glad humans are evolving past it.

    So I edited my lmhosts file to reroute it to this site, which has caused me so much joy :-)

    Now If I could just rip out my obviously self-destructive sense of sexuality, be free in who I am, and forget about finding and nuturing love ... then maybe I can be happy.
    [Read more]

    Tuesday, July 12th, 2005
    02:39:09 UTC
    Last modified: Tuesday, July 12th, 2005
    02:56:09 UTC
  37. Slow day

    I left work at 4:00. got to teh court house at 4:25. They say they don't accept personal checks. No worry, ATM down the road...still have till 5, right?

    WRONG!!

    Place closed at 4:30 :-/ What the hell closes at 4:30?! Esp. a courthouse...what about employeed people?!

    Well, needless to say I'm taking off work in the morning...I have to be there w/ a hefty amount of cash ($177), plus a triple-digit bribe — err, 'court expenses' ($100) — first thing in the morning or there will be a warrant out for my arrest. Just because of a damn expired safety inspection sticker which I renewed w/n 5 days of the ticket but they totalled my car in Nov and i have no 'proof' i renewed it.
    [Read more]

    Tuesday, July 12th, 2005
    02:33:38 UTC
    Last modified: Tuesday, July 12th, 2005
    02:36:38 UTC
  38. And the Parrot Said: "Zero" (sort of)

    http://www.rense.com/general66/zero.htm

    Parrots can apparently cognizate teh concept of zero...pretty amazing because most humans cannot do this until age 3 or 4.

    Monday, July 11th, 2005
    04:26:15 UTC
    Last modified: Monday, July 11th, 2005
    04:27:15 UTC
  39. Mormon Satanism — LDS Black Masses

    Hello.

    I was once personally a Latter Day Saint (technically still am), so please don't think I am bashing Mormons — and please do NOT fall into such a hate-trap!

    I just wanted to know if you are familiar with the heavily guarded leaked document by one of the church's Prophets (very very high up) where he documents the conclusions of *10,000* interviews with youths in which he reaches the conclusion that there is a vast underground Satanist network within traditional LDS wards (aka districts) in Utah. he estimated back in 1987 that possibly 100,000 women and children in Utah alone were ritualistically abused from birth to pre-teens by Satanists.
    [Read more]

    Saturday, July 9th, 2005
    22:46:37 UTC
    Last modified: Saturday, July 9th, 2005
    22:48:37 UTC
  40. Black Mass Sundays

    How prevalent is Satanism in modern fundamentalist sects? Are entire communities in Utah hiding born-into-slavery (and thus no 'record') women and children to supply the child sacrifices, fatalistic sexual trystes and Jeff Gannons of the politically elite? Do world leaders *really* worship and perform "mock" human sacrifices to a forty-five foot stone replica of the Caananite (you know of the Old Testament?) god Molech every year at Bohemian Grove?

    Did a Lousiana Baptist pastor recently fess up to really confess to mutilate "hundreds, maybe thousands" of animals and ... children(!!) as part of his own secretive Black Mass (in which hundreds attended)??
    [Read more]

    Saturday, July 9th, 2005
    22:30:12 UTC
    Last modified: Saturday, July 9th, 2005
    22:34:12 UTC
  41. Objectivism

    Kurt2> I know for a fact that it is logically impossible for there to be any valid argument to refute Objectivism
    Kurt2> thus, the only proper thing to do is embrace it
    HopeSeekr> wow ... that's the most dogmatic support for a philosophy i've ever heard phrased so elegantly!

    Friday, July 8th, 2005
    15:55:00 UTC
    Last modified: Friday, July 8th, 2005
    15:57:00 UTC
  42. Woodland Critter Christmas

    "It's a woodland critter christmas"!

    ----------------- | (\_/) | ()_() | | (^_^) | (*.*) | | (")_(") | (>)>) | -----------------
    Thursday, July 7th, 2005
    20:05:51 UTC
    Last modified: Thursday, July 7th, 2005
    20:10:51 UTC
  43. Fuck Terrorists

    Fuck all the terrorists responsible for bombing London today. Fuckers.

    Thursday, July 7th, 2005
    13:38:11 UTC
    Last modified: Thursday, July 7th, 2005
    13:39:11 UTC
  44. Two Parallel Synchronicities

    I was watching 30 Days again tonight, this time about a 24 yr-old Right-wing Christian from podunk Michigan who thinks that "God hates fags" who got to spend 30 days immersed in the gayest place on Earth, literally, Castro Street of San Francisco. It was really lame compared to the other episodes, so when they mentioned the book What the Bible Really Says About Homosexuality, I literally threw off the TV and rushed down to Barnes & Noble (some 15 miles away and the closest bookstore ::cries::).

    I knew some thing was strange when all front store lights went off when I opened up the door. When I walked inside, the backup generator went out (we're having a rain-free electrical storm), the store went dark — a woman in the back yelped — all for about 3 seconds.
    [Read more]

    Thursday, July 7th, 2005
    03:47:34 UTC
    Last modified: Friday, November 4th, 2005
    05:47:34 UTC
  45. Funny StarCraft Noobs :-)

    > > lmao apparently alot of you took me seriously, i had like 5 pm's
    > > asking me to send the new zero to them and that they promis they wont leak it.
    > > HA HA HA HA HA HA no im not giveing it out to any one who i dont totally trust

    > looks like you're a dumb twat looking for attention. kicking up a storm with no
    > payoff. First you say you'll hand it out, then you say you're selling it, then
    > you say you're joking and you won't give it to anyone?
    > Now honestly, was somebody not hugged enough as a kid?

    nope my parents never huged me as a child, they used to beat me and make me sleep
    out in a box in the back yard.

    but now i get all the e-hug's i need

    [Read more]

    Wednesday, July 6th, 2005
    03:36:53 UTC
    Last modified: Wednesday, July 6th, 2005
    03:39:53 UTC
  46. My Personal Iraq

    Let's pretend for a moment that Bush honestly believed that there were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq and that Saddam was raping people left and right and about to escalate war to a worldwide theater of carnage. He decides to step up as a man and do something about it, even though it may cost him an election. Even tho thousands of soldiers may die.

    What if he was lied to? What if the situation wasn't nearly as bad as those who were alleged victims said it was?

    If that is how it went down, I know how he feels. I mean, you see one thing, hear another, and in the end the "victim's" actions after they are released from tyranny is the clearest evidence of one's initial motives. Look at how Chalabi tried to get people murdered and swindled millions of dollars we had given him. In the end, I guess we just need to be thankful that the situation was never as horrible as the 'victim' said it was; and seek to make amends with those we hurt solely because of the lies of the other.
    [Read more]

    Monday, July 4th, 2005
    18:40:21 UTC
    Last modified: Monday, July 4th, 2005
    18:47:21 UTC
  47. Lawyers in a Fascist Society

    Today I sought legal representation for the 4-count traffic ticket I received last Monday and the pending warrant for my arrest in conjunction with my failure to appear to a court meeting of which I was never aware because of an expired vehical registration sticker on my Ford Explorer. The same car that I drove 40,000 miles in, the same car that was once driven by Crefn; where she learned to drive on the interstate. Needless to say, it got totalled in an accident 56 days later.

    The lawyer's advice struck me: Don't bother about the inspection. I said, "Excuse me? There would be a warrant for my arrest!" He told me that the law was >quote<bullsh*t>/quote< and that the state wouldn't bother spending money to fulfill a warrant for a $77 ticket. He said instead that I merely go to the court house the day of, bring $50 for bail, declare no contest, turn myself in, give the bond money directly to the court clerk and — voilà — unless the state hated me, they would declare the paperwork "misfiled" and I would be released. he assured me it is how the system works...like how they're going to get my other charges completely dropped the day before court by effectively bribing them by giving them the $25 fee for processing and giving them more free time on the docket.
    [Read more]

    Friday, July 1st, 2005
    02:45:38 UTC
    Last modified: Friday, July 1st, 2005
    02:58:38 UTC
  48. Paths of Loss

    Shock Denial Anger Pain Acceptance

    I think that's how it goes. I was shocked 22 April 2005, I went into denial ~ 1 May, I went into anger 11 June. It seems like 11 June was months ago. It seems like 3 Dec 2003 was seconds ago. I used to count down double-digit months, now I count down double-digit days. I used to take great joy at prospect of just a year left. Indeed, last November I was filled with optimism of reuniting with my love, against tremendous odds that *I* would still love her. It's funny..the only thing I regret (truly) is that I set myself up to be hurt. I mean, what was I thinking? Every one thought I was crazy for believing in some one who >quote<hadn't matured yet>/quote<. It's so hard telling people she's different when she wants you to believe differently, just to furhter other people's conceptions of her.
    [Read more]

    Thursday, June 30th, 2005
    04:44:23 UTC
    Last modified: Thursday, June 30th, 2005
    05:05:23 UTC
  49. Google Talk

    OK There's this script — called Google Talk — that takes a phrase and uses Google's auto-hint feature to complete full thoughts in near-grammatically correct sentences. I was actually impressed by what I got. The first phrase I tried was "Better the world by", and I couldn't help but be struck by the Ouji Board aspect of the entire thing.

    Better the world by simply making Someone s Day) by sending their loved one s care, and their ability to pay the proffered Wage in the context of the entire work

    Less outrageous was Nicholaus Bludworth did not get the Facts About the Extensible Markup Language (XML)

    Better yet was when I typed in "Crefn Mhyn is"...You'll want to "read more" for this one :o

    [Read more]

    Thursday, June 30th, 2005
    01:17:35 UTC
    Last modified: Thursday, June 30th, 2005
    01:29:35 UTC
  50. My Professional Responsibilities

    Below is a fairly complete enumeration of the on-going tasks I have accumulated over the past few months. Indeed, if there is one frequent characteristic shared by my responsibilities is the long-term and frequent nature of most. The list is sorted by the order in which I recall them and is probably not exhaustive. At $10.50 / hour , I do believe that my payrate is my biggest job security (even though traffic has increased 1500% in June over that of January when I started).

    [Read more]

    Wednesday, June 29th, 2005
    15:02:36 UTC
    Last modified: Friday, November 4th, 2005
    05:40:36 UTC
  51. Group Mind: How Labels Stunt Growth

    Some [most?] people give themselves labels. Well, I am a Christian! Well, I'm a Republican! Well, I'm an atheist! Well I'm African! I'm Mexican! What ever happened to uncharacterized people, such as myself? I have very little idea what 'category' i fit into...mainly because I *don't*. There's a reason Jesus said, I am Who I am...any pigeon-holing of the human spirit is totally demeaning to the complexities of homosapien sentience, not to mention our highly diversified culture.

    The closest I will come to pigeon-holing myself as I am in 2005 is: A spirit that currently inhabits a decisively male in hormone and physique body; who is attraced 98% of the time to women (usually those with nice breasts but a beautiful smile, thick thighs and a witty intellect combined trump all); who has an equal distribution of male/female characteristics + thoughts; and who believes that Life, God[dess], Evolution, Chance, Fate, and my Higher Self are all to greater or lesser degrees synonymous. If I am easily categorized, please let me know.

    [Read more]

    Wednesday, June 29th, 2005
    03:34:00 UTC
    Last modified: Wednesday, June 29th, 2005
    03:42:00 UTC
  52. Sad Day For Innovation

    Well, in the last week the Supreme Court has decided that my cable internet bills can go up, that my city can seize my house at any time (Time to secede from Pearland, looks like) for almost any reason, and — o btw — it is illegal for me to invent new forms of filesharing if people will use it to download "illegal" things such as a Beatles song. So I have effectively put my coding of xMule on a hiatus, almost 2 years after it was temporarily halted by teh MPAA assault against me.

    I have really hated the last 30 days. First I got my heart hurt, then my back, then my pocket book, now I have a warrant out for my arrest for a damn expired safety inspection sticker that I took care of back in october 2004 and never got a summons to court for, i have a 4 count speeding ticket I received last week, and I'm lonely as hell every fucking damn night.
    [Read more]

    Tuesday, June 28th, 2005
    04:45:13 UTC
    Last modified: Tuesday, June 28th, 2005
    04:49:13 UTC
  53. Age of Aquarius

    This is the dawning of the Age of Aquarius
    Age of Aquarius, Aquarius, Aquarius

    Harmony and understanding
    Sympathy and trust abounding
    No more falsehoods or derisions
    Golden living dreams of visions
    Mystic crystal revelation
    And the mind's true liberation
    Aquarius!

    Harmony and understanding
    Sympathy and trust abounding
    Angelic illumination
    Rising fiery constellation
    Travelling our starry courses
    Guided by the cosmic forces
    O care for us
    Aquarius



    Note: The Age of Aquarius officially begins 12 noon 20 Dec 2012 ... aka my birthday, woohoo.

    Monday, June 27th, 2005
    02:21:36 UTC
    Last modified: Monday, June 27th, 2005
    02:24:36 UTC
  54. Dusting: How Dust-Off Kills

    You can almost hear the would-be contestants for this year's Darwin Award, But it's just compressed air!, as they clamp their lips on the nozzle and BAM, they're in an oxygen-deprived "buzz". Since when was self-suffocation a cool way to get high? Yet with this "dusting" craze in a virtual media blackout (yes, even on the Internet), literally millions of youngsters are at risk. There are no obvious chemicals, no smell, and no traceable signs of use — except a swolen, aching tongue (from frostbite). There is far less stigma and far more pseudo-scientific rationalizations in young people's minds about why it can't hurt and why it feels good; and unlike other killers like heroin, this stuff is cool.

    [Read more]

    Sunday, June 26th, 2005
    03:04:45 UTC
    Last modified: Sunday, June 26th, 2005
    03:14:45 UTC
  55. How Does Hope Tick?

    According to Psychological (Personality) types these are the characteristics which I have of both "introverted" and "extroverted" people, followed by those which I do not have.

    Apparently I do not fit within the most common psychological profiles becqasue I am both equally intro- and extroverted *and* equally intuitive and sensing. E.g. At the same time I fit the FOUR psychological profiles of a human (no wonder I 'tire' people, lol!): ESFp ENFp ISFp INFp

    [Read more]

    Saturday, June 25th, 2005
    17:53:38 UTC
    Last modified: Saturday, June 25th, 2005
    18:20:38 UTC
  56. How to "move on"?

    OK! You've dedicated your life, for years, to an ideal. You have given to an organization promoting this cause all of your money, all of yoru possessions and, indeed, all of your soul. You have striven tirelessly in the most hostile environments to see this goal come through. you have been told all of your life that if you believe, give every thing, and work ahrd that it will all work out.

    One day the president of the organization sends you a letter saying, "Due to a hostile takeover we must stop all progressive activities. Please move along." What do you do? Do you call bullshit and seek to overturn the president, and possibly the entire administrative staff? Do you honestly think reason has any hope of effecting change?!
    [Read more]

    Saturday, June 25th, 2005
    04:21:51 UTC
    Last modified: Saturday, June 25th, 2005
    04:27:51 UTC
  57. It's Anamzig!! — The Hmuan Barin [fnnuy!]

    Reading Test

    I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdgnieag.


    THE PAOMNNEHAL PWEOR OF THE HMUAN MNID

    Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervitisy, it deosn't mttaer
    in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is
    taht the frist and lsat ltteers be in the rghit pclae. The rset can
    be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is
    bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey ltetr by istlef, but the
    wrod as a wlohe.

    Amzanig huh?

    -hope-

    Saturday, June 25th, 2005
    02:09:48 UTC
    Last modified: Saturday, June 25th, 2005
    02:11:48 UTC
  58. 30 Days

    I really enjoyed tonight's 30 Days episode as it was all about how growth hormones really helped a 35 year old become "more awake" and active. In his own words on day 5: "It was as if some one had flipped on a light switch." In my case, it was more like a bank of floodlights.

    there is a slight possiblity it could stop my aging process forever, and Dr. Rubio thinks that I can have perhaps 20 extra years of life if I lose all of my testosterone this year via certain forms of surgery :o I am very much mulling this prospect as my sex drive has caused nothing but pain — min
    [Read more]

    Thursday, June 23rd, 2005
    04:57:25 UTC
    Last modified: Thursday, June 23rd, 2005
    05:10:25 UTC
  59. A "Nice Guy's" Tale of Woe: Fiancee Decides She is a Lesbian

    Woah, appparently I'm not the only one who has issues with sexual preference recently. Crazy thing is that it is the thousandth article at that site. Talk about a synchronicity, lol.

    A "Nice Guy's" Tale of Woe: Fiancee Decides She is a Lesbian

    That picture is *SO* me!!! I used to go to sleep after petting an image of Crefn on my monitor. May she find some one who loves her as much in person as I loved her in absense :-)

    This is absolutely the last time I dedicate any thought to Crefn for at least the next 30 days.
    [Read more]

    Wednesday, June 22nd, 2005
    04:11:33 UTC
    Last modified: Wednesday, June 22nd, 2005
    04:16:33 UTC
  60. Bankruptcy — Just Do It

    This was originally posted at http://www.bullnotbull.com/bull/Article69.html but the link is now dead (Access Forbidden). Gee, wonder why! (sarcasm). This is for posterity.


    "The rich ruleth over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender," — Proverbs 22:7.

    If the idea of declaring bankruptcy has been on your mind recently, the time to act is now. The new bankruptcy law, signed by President Bush in April, is set to take effect in October of this year. The law makes it much more difficult, if not impossible, for people with unmanageable debts to get a fresh financial start in life. Furthermore, the law is slated to take effect just as new credit card policies doubling average monthly minimum payments is set to take effect. If your payments are just barely manageable now, they will soon be unmanageable, just as the bankruptcy window slams shut.
    [Read more]

    Tuesday, June 21st, 2005
    20:20:11 UTC
    Last modified: Tuesday, June 21st, 2005
    20:31:11 UTC
  61. Loneliness and the Power of Illusion

    For roughly two years I lived an illusion. An illusion that helped me in the worst of times and even made the best of times better. For roughly two years I never really had any one to readily share any thing with. I mean, sure, Nick and Paul are great friends but I only get to talk to one of them maybe every three or four days. Yet after I accepted my loss of physical proximity with Crefn around June 2004, I never once was lonely. Not until this week when the illusion was shattered. Perhaps this will spur me on to find better people, because obviously no one planned on things ending up the way they did, and I bet she has a few more regrets than me (at least I hope, lol). I still don't regret helping her, I just regret every thing I did after (like letting her leave me).
    [Read more]

    Monday, June 20th, 2005
    23:10:29 UTC
    Last modified: Monday, June 20th, 2005
    23:25:29 UTC
  62. A Woman's Father

    I found these excerpts by an award-winning feminist author that details how pivotal a father's role is in the development of women's response to men in the future. From the book Women and their Fathers: The Sexual and Romantic Impact of the First Man in Your Life (1992).


    Women's attachments are "mirror images" of how they related to their fathers.

    "If a woman does not have a loving dependable father, due to his arrested development or divorce, she may actually seek men who deny her needs or reject her. She may always be haunted by the thought that she is essentially unlovable. (224)

    "Most of these daughters tended to test the men in their lives, starting fights, finding flaws, expecting to be abandoned, or looking for excuses to walk out themselves." (214)



    [Read more]

    Sunday, June 19th, 2005
    14:32:05 UTC
    Last modified: Sunday, June 19th, 2005
    14:40:05 UTC
  63. quickie

    quick! b4iits too late!

    Sunday, June 19th, 2005
    04:41:27 UTC
    Last modified: Sunday, June 19th, 2005
    08:41:27 UTC
  64. Leonard Cohen — Everybody Knows Lyrics

    I heard this song as the intro to Jack Blood's show on Patriot TV today. Lyrics hand-typed, not copied.

    Everybody knows that the dice are loaded: Everybody rolls with their fingers crossed. Everybody knows the war is over: Everybody knows the good guys lost. Everybody knows the fight was fixed: The poor stay poor; the rich get rich. That's how it goes; Everybody knows...

    [Read more]
    Saturday, June 18th, 2005
    04:12:40 UTC
    Last modified: Saturday, June 18th, 2005
    04:29:40 UTC
  65. Antipathy, not Fear

    In response to Dumbocracy — The Silence of Americans's main precept that Americans are silent because they are fearful or dumb.

    There's one thing that is systemmic in our country and it is not fear. Fear is a polling-day issue. The rest of the year Americans are apathetic. Even antipathetic (as in antipathy, wanting to cause harm to another). Just look at how many milliosn more made it out to vote just on making sure homosexuals remain unequal. That's not fear, that's apathy. if you dbout that attend the churches that I grew up in.
    [Read more]

    Friday, June 17th, 2005
    14:06:52 UTC
    Last modified: Friday, June 17th, 2005
    14:23:52 UTC
  66. FYI

    I am incredibly depressed and lonely right now. On the upside (there's alaways one) the pain in my back is greatly eclipsed by the pain in my heart.

    As I said earlier:
    (23:32:36) UnThesis: i wish i could find someone who just wants to hug me 24x7 — preferably female
    (23:32:40) UnThesis: but such wise women do not exist
    (23:32:44) UnThesis: and if they do they are not single

    Sorry for the momentary lapse. It happens almost every night around this time.

    I hate this week; I hate this day.

    Humanity is overly complex. Love those who love you. Understand those who hate you. Err on the side of Hope.

    [Read more]

    Friday, June 17th, 2005
    04:34:52 UTC
    Last modified: Friday, June 17th, 2005
    04:38:52 UTC
  67. Are You Asleep?

    Most people struggle with an awake body and asleep mind. I have an awake ( I think) mind and constantly fight a body that would shutdown w/o expensive-ass medicine. My greatest gift + struggle all in one huge gordian knot.

    At least mine has a daily elixir, albeit an extremely expensive (for no reason) one. I increasingly fear that people "require jolts to get them out of their apathy" (quote from 'batman begins') and this saddens me :-/ Until we can be compassionate w/o having to suffer we will doom ourselves to destruction, or at least technologically-induced slavery.
    [Read more]

    Thursday, June 16th, 2005
    20:39:41 UTC
    Last modified: Thursday, June 16th, 2005
    20:59:41 UTC
  68. More About Love Than Anything

    My sister realized when she was 16 that she was a homosexual. Living in a nurturing environment, seperated from us as she had been since she was three, this wasn't treated as a stigma; as a burn-the-crucifixes, satan-b-gone affair but more or less a part of 'growing up', of 'discovering who you are'. I bore the sole diplomatic effort trying to reintegrate her into a shunned baptist family, one no one (not even her) wanted her to be a aprt of. I mostly failed.

    She told me she was happy, the fwe times we talked (we haven't met in 12 years); and then I got the strange message from her one day: "I'm engaged." Living in Massachusettes as she does, I figured, "Hell, she must be one of the few married gay people in the country!" Then I saw the picture of the Other inside the envelope.
    [Read more]

    Thursday, June 16th, 2005
    05:22:46 UTC
    Last modified: Thursday, June 16th, 2005
    05:21:46 UTC
  69. Morgan Spurlock — Eeking by in America

    His show where he and his fiancé lived on minimum wage ($5.15 / hr) for a month was *wholy* accurate from my personal experiences with the said nightmare. With two people working two 8 hour jobs each, they barely had a positive balance of $26.00 at the end of the month.

    Yet their medical expenses were another nightmare. Yes, like my medicine (and the subject of his show next week), Human Growth Hormone therapy, which costs *literally* $5 per bottle to culture the bacteria that produce it, is sold on the market for $2500. My daily dosage is $200! Think about that! $75,000 a year in medicine necessary to keep me alive!

    Know what my doctor's initial advice was? Move to Europe.

    [Read more]

    Thursday, June 16th, 2005
    03:01:43 UTC
    Last modified: Thursday, June 16th, 2005
    03:27:43 UTC
  70. Web Hosts to Never Ever Use

    I have had horrible experiences in the last week with the following hosts, ordered chronologically:


    • YR Host: xMule's host for a year decided that they didn't like our traffic and without warning sent me a nice letter stating that they would no longer host a 'filesharing' site. Maybe MPAA got to them? Maybe, but they're incorporated in India, I thought.

    • Globat.com — O man! First, their Control Panel is proprietary and very difficult to use. Secondly, they could not for the life of them map their IP address to www3.[past employer's domain], even after I provided them the necessary configuration. As far as xMule, they could NOT figure out how to get .htaccess working. That is after a four day silence.

    • HostExcellence — Started me off with 8 MB of space; took 8 hours to fix. Have a 2 MB limit for uploading DB's (xMule's is 25 MB). Have a 10 MB limit on database sizes (!!). Couldn't get mod_rewrite working either, when I tried to direct to incendiary :-/ MySQL *never* worked



    [Read more]

    Tuesday, June 14th, 2005
    17:13:39 UTC
    Last modified: Saturday, February 4th, 2006
    16:40:14 UTC
  71. Freedom Lost [poster]

    An actual poster on trains from Washington, D.C. to Baltimore! Look at the Nazi archetypes such as the rectangular facial features and the Aryan characteristics!
    WAKE UP!!!





    [Read more]

    Monday, June 13th, 2005
    18:00:07 UTC
    Last modified: Monday, June 13th, 2005
    18:07:07 UTC
  72. Judicial Tyranny Killed America in 1803 [Must read!]

    By the way, I originally pointed this out at Dem Blogger's Sensenbrenner story. So cheers if you found out about this later :-)

    Even in pro-liberty forums vanishingly few (and by this I mean i've only met one, ha!) realize that our union died while the Founding Fathers were still alive.

    Do you know about the Whiskey Rebellion of 1794? Well, a large group of farmers protested a tax (Boston Tea tax just a fwe decades prior?!!?) on their farms that was far more harsh than any thing the Brits had put on them. President Hamilton (a Federalist — aka Fascist in deed) sent a large portion of the national army and massacred the men women and children at night while a large portion of them slept.
    [Read more]

    Sunday, June 12th, 2005
    16:25:47 UTC
    Last modified: Sunday, June 12th, 2005
    23:47:47 UTC
  73. Seeking nice person

    Update (29 June 2005): #1 in MSN and Yahoo for "Seeking Nice Person" :-)
    OK.

    23 year-old male seeking a [hetero|bi]sexual female in her 20s who wouldn't mind being a monogamous companion. I will risk all, give all, and even potentially give up my freedom for your benediction. All I want is to be loved in return, but even this isn't a requirement; just be a live-in friend. Sex is optional and purely at your disgression.

    100% Satisfaction rating. Never dumped any one. Never been dumped for a fault of my own (it's always weird stuff like sexual orientation changes, cheating and the like). Never intentionally hurt any one. Quick to help. My love tends to be permanent, unchanging, and highly energetic.
    [Read more]

    Sunday, June 12th, 2005
    05:36:50 UTC
    Last modified: Thursday, June 30th, 2005
    04:33:50 UTC
  74. American Democracy ... Dead in the Water [video]

    This is a letter i did *not* mail my boss.

    Hello.

    I do not nkow if you are aware, but yesterday the Republicans scheduled an extended debate on making all of hte Patriot Act provisions permanent. They scheduled it for the earliest non-emergency meeting ever in the 227+ year history of the House of Representatives, 8:20 AM on a Friday morning, when Congress wasn't even in session, in order for htere to be minimal attendence of lawmakers as they do for all legislation that is aimed at destroying American freedom. For instance, the Federal Reserve Act was rushed through both houses and signed by Wilson on Dec 23, 1913, a full hour before Christmas recess when the chambers were only 15% full.
    [Read more]

    Sunday, June 12th, 2005
    05:14:07 UTC
    Last modified: Sunday, June 12th, 2005
    21:35:07 UTC
  75. To the Person in My Head

    Here is some mental work I'm doing for a new fiction book I'm writing :-)

    If only i had been so lucky as to have been associated with you more than I have been. *I* have evolved substantially in the last few years esp since I took care of some pressing medical issues. I'm sure you have too.

    I didnt' start putting pieces together until Spring 2005 by an utter sychronicity. I had seen you around before but I never knew your state of ... physical health ... or any thing else until quite recently.

    I'm pretty sure I can suffer loss at this point, i was just horribly afraid you were going through worse than me (which was really god-awful bad at times).

    [Read more]

    Saturday, June 11th, 2005
    17:51:18 UTC
    Last modified: Saturday, June 11th, 2005
    23:25:18 UTC
  76. How I Defeat Anger / Depression / Anxiety / Etc.

    Defeating anger is a sinch for me these days. Scenario: I am pulled over by a traffic cop: supreme accessory branch of the Fasicist junta. Am I angry? Generally, no. I immediately think in my mind, Thank you, Goddess!! for all the horrible events you have potentially just saved me from. Yep. Over 50,000 people die every year in an automobile accident, and I have come close to death several times in such situations. That traffic cop? The mere act of stopping me *probably* saved me from certain death. It is useless saying "the odds are low". Like Schrodinger's Cat, all things have the potential to happen at all times. In one part of the Implicate Order, I have just died in a fireball the second I am required to sign, in another part, I have just ended up comotose for life. All are just as *possible* as me being alive (life is too random to deal in probabilities at any given time!).
    [Read more]

    Saturday, June 11th, 2005
    17:41:02 UTC
    Last modified: Saturday, June 11th, 2005
    17:51:02 UTC
  77. SPAM From Eminem?!

    Wow! Check out this stuff:


    From jc_denton@eminem.com Sat Aug 02 14:44:02 2003
    To: "Un-Thesis"
    Subject: xMule
    X-WebServer: webmail.eminem.com
    X-TrueSenderIP: 202.27.188.210
    X-SenderHTTPUserAgent: Mozilla/5.0 (X11; U; Linux i686; en-US; rv:1.3) Gecko/20030313

    What files do I download to get Xmule running on my mandrake 9.1 system. and how do I install/run them?

    So is JC Denton linked in any way officially with Eminem or is this just a free webmail service that I couldn't find listed at the site?
    [Read more]

    Saturday, June 11th, 2005
    15:54:02 UTC
    Last modified: Saturday, June 11th, 2005
    16:00:02 UTC
  78. Hidden Message :( )

    Tonight when I was moving xmule.ws I decided to download the mail folder. THREE HUNDRED MEGS of mail. I searched for hidden messages. I found two :o If you can provide any insight into the enigma presented below, please do (anonymous comments enabled).

    Many of you know that I have phased out my two primary emails (don't worry, it's spam proof; just look at the source!) theodore@xmule.ws and unthesis@xmule.ws over the last year due to rampant spam. Before I switched to GMail, I was missing something like 80% of my email due solely to the rampant spam (~300 spams a day for theodore, 2300 for unthesis).


    [Read more]

    Saturday, June 11th, 2005
    04:58:40 UTC
    Last modified: Saturday, June 11th, 2005
    23:25:40 UTC
  79. Awesome Growth

    Yes, I got the Search Engine Manipulation (SEM, not SEO) skills! I did the math and since I took over the helm of [past employer] in mid-January 2005, there has been incredible amounts of growth. I can't be too detailed due to NDAs so let's just quote percentages:


    • January: -1.3%

    • February: +26.3%

    • March: +18.5%

    • April: +4.2%

    • May: +2.9%

    • June: 23.5%

    Total Growth since I started: 97.74%.

    Yes, I got the skillz.

    Saturday, June 11th, 2005
    03:49:12 UTC
    Last modified: Saturday, February 4th, 2006
    16:38:12 UTC
  80. My Exhilerating Investment

    Two months ago I transferred several thousand dollars from my bank to an investment firm. The first firm I picked, I bought 1,000,000 shares :o I picked this firm because they specifically allowed me to make "penny stock" buys. What is a "penny stock"? Something that sells for under a $1 per share. They are considered highly speculative. Well, that very day I got a SPAM email. Exciting investment opportunity. It said that the legal owners of poker.com were going to court to see if they could win the rights to it. I went, Hmm, I either win big or lose all. So i invested it when it was at its 52 week low...Literally $0.0045 per share. It had been that way for 2 weeks at the time. According to Yahoo Business, they were a company made of 5 individuals (1 recently hired) and they had liquidated all their personal stock as collateral for a loan in order to pay for the upcoming legal battle — triggering a sell of the rest. I go, ok, seems reasonable.
    [Read more]

    Friday, June 10th, 2005
    01:10:09 UTC
    Last modified: Friday, June 10th, 2005
    01:46:09 UTC
  81. Compulsory Spy or 2 Years in Prison

    http://www.drugpolicy.org/news/051805sensen.cfm

    If it passes and you don't report even unsubstantiated drug use *claims* to authorities, and comply with whatever they demand of you (such as wearing a wiretap), you could be sentenced to a minimum two years for aiding and abbetting war criminals in the War Against Drugs.

    Death of Amerika.


    [Read more]

    Wednesday, June 8th, 2005
    00:13:42 UTC
    Last modified: Wednesday, June 8th, 2005
    00:14:42 UTC
  82. Gus Done It!!

    I thought this was great!!

    Main site can be found at Engrish.com.

    Gus dun it again!


    Monday, June 6th, 2005
    17:47:52 UTC
    Last modified: Wednesday, June 8th, 2005
    01:24:52 UTC
  83. Starcraft

    All I did this weekend was sleep and play Starcraft. I seriously screwed up my sleep schedule going to Austin. I didn't get back to Houston until 6:43 and I didn't pull into my driveway until ~10am...I was so exhausted. every thing is good.

    Monday, June 6th, 2005
    04:39:23 UTC
    Last modified: Monday, June 6th, 2005
    14:40:23 UTC
  84. OMG! The Best story!

    OMFGod[dess]! I have not yet told the most exciting miracle of my entire life. There have been many far more worthy life-saving miracles — such as the various serious auto-accidents, the numerous times people have tried to kill me, etc. — but this ... this one solid thing seriously made me 100% sure that the Universe is benevolent and cares. And it proved to me that I have (or at least had since I tried to cut it off in March) a strong psychic connection with Crefn.

    I can't do it justice, but let's just say that I wouldn't be surprised if it is part of the folklore up there. I know it is in Buckeye, as the first cop I met there heard about it through the grapevine and it spread like wildfire there.
    [Read more]

    Saturday, June 4th, 2005
    19:14:01 UTC
    Last modified: Saturday, June 4th, 2005
    19:21:01 UTC
  85. I Saw Alex Jones!

    Yesterday, I got home from work at 17:30, took Reilly on a short walk, called Paul, got the very-much-expected (because no one hardly ever comes through — certainly hardly ever friends or lovers) cancellation notice, and took off to Austin to see a live screening of Alex Jones' 9/11 March of the Police State. I got there 45 minutes early, and thank God[dess]! There were thousands of motorcycles and all downtown was closed off. I was seriously fretting about founding a parking spot and yet Fate dropped in and a spot opened up right in front of me. Splindiporously, it was four blocks north and 200 feet east from the place.

    [Read more]

    Saturday, June 4th, 2005
    18:47:58 UTC
    Last modified: Saturday, June 4th, 2005
    21:50:58 UTC
  86. Google Sitemap Horror

    Google released a new tool for webmasters today. Google Sitemaps. I was apparently the very first person to download their generator sitemap.py from SourceForge :o. They euphemistically tell people to Run the program on your webserver. Yet this is a perfect way to rack up fees for massively over-utilizing server resources :o Running it brought down my 3200MHz Pentium 4 running Debian Linux and 2 GB of RAM.

    Before:


    total used free shared buffers cached
    Mem: 2001912 417396 1583560 0 4688 103248
    -/+ buffers/cache: 309460 691496
    Swap: 228244 0 228244

    5 minutes later:
    [Read more]

    Friday, June 3rd, 2005
    14:57:28 UTC
    Last modified: Friday, June 3rd, 2005
    15:05:28 UTC
  87. Fight Defeatist Attitudes

    Reposted from patriot-tv.net.

    Marky373 wrote:


    Even if we break free from tyranny, suppression, and this cycle what is there to go to? If a conspiracy can run this deep, then what do we have to look forward to? I belive, but at what point has a sacrifice become useless?

    No no no no no no no no!

    Excuse me, but this futuristic defeatist mentality is exactly what keeps so many people enslaved! Nothing personal, but this is a clear manifestation of one of the primary memes inherent in enslaved populaces. It's what kept freed black people on plantantions almost a century after being "freed"! Slavery primarily depends on a programmed mindset. One can never be 'forced' to remain a slave, just look at Frederick Douglass.
    [Read more]

    Friday, June 3rd, 2005
    00:16:14 UTC
    Last modified: Friday, June 3rd, 2005
    00:24:14 UTC
  88. Crazy News + USB Drive

    I was *appalled* by all of the news Alex Jones delivered tonight:

    In other news...


    [Read more]
    Thursday, June 2nd, 2005
    02:28:51 UTC
    Last modified: Thursday, June 2nd, 2005
    02:42:51 UTC
  89. Outstanding Issues

    The sooner I can close out all of my outstanding issues generated in late 2003 the better!!

    If only there was a solid, zero0risk way of doing this today :-/

    Fascism sux0rs but at least there's a lot of fall guys and rationalizations.

    Wednesday, June 1st, 2005
    02:46:19 UTC
    Last modified: Wednesday, June 1st, 2005
    02:47:19 UTC
  90. Preparations for a Non-Event

    I'm absolutely ready to waste several hundred dollars for a Thanksgiving retreat. Waste? Me? How do you mean?

    O, just on some thing for some one else that I don't even think I *can* actually transfer to their name. Some thing that I would be totally shocked if they used and even more shocked if they were even still my friend. Yet I've come this far, might as well give them a final salvo to finish off any hope I had in them :-)

    I'm talking about...
    [Read more]

    Wednesday, June 1st, 2005
    02:18:15 UTC
    Last modified: Wednesday, June 1st, 2005
    02:35:15 UTC
  91. Rip Out the Heart of Your Lover Today!

    Luciana Bohne wrote:


    The poet Percy Bysshe Shelley wrote that, in the rapacity that the industrial revolution created, people first surrendered their minds or the capacity to reason, then their hearts or the capacity to empathize, until all that was left of the original human equipment was the senses or their selfish demands for gratification. At that point, humans entered the stage of market commodities and market consumers — one more thing in the commercial landscape. Without minds or hearts, they are instrumentalized to buy whatever deadens their clamoring and frightened senses — official lies, immoral wars, Barbies, and bankrupt educations.


    [Read more]

    Tuesday, May 31st, 2005
    12:38:53 UTC
    Last modified: Tuesday, May 31st, 2005
    12:42:53 UTC
  92. Emergency Lights

    Last nihgt I was having to travel ~5mph in a torrential storm. In order to make my presence more visible — visibility being something I ached for — I turned on my emergency blinkers while still on the highway.

    6:45 AM the phone rings, jarring me from a very lucid and strange dream. It felt like I teleported — I don't remember running — and ended up 150 feet away in the kitchen, clutching the phone on what registered, to me, as the second ring. It was Conny, the neighbor across the street. "Teddy, your emergency blinkers are on." How soon had I answered the phone? She said the 2nd ring.
    [Read more]

    Monday, May 30th, 2005
    17:54:51 UTC
    Last modified: Monday, May 30th, 2005
    17:53:51 UTC
  93. Horrific Storm!

    I knew something was up when Missy was sitting at the door, her eyes wide, tail flipping...the nervous posture she uses only in times of extreme stress before long trips, vet visits, and huge storms.

    [Read more]

    Monday, May 30th, 2005
    03:54:16 UTC
    Last modified: Monday, May 30th, 2005
    04:00:16 UTC
  94. My Entire DVD Collection :o

    Because I am insanely bored, I don't feel like coding, I don't feel like working on [past employer's site] for free, I'm waiting for the google update to finalize, and it's way damn early, I have no non-busy local friends (1 out of 1) and this will (hopefully) take at least an hour, and will be less stressful than CounterStrike and more rewarding than Starcraft. Is that a run-on? :-) Maybe I'll inventory my DivX later.

    Number of discs in parentheses.

    128 discs, 98 movies.


    [Read more]
    Monday, May 30th, 2005
    01:18:52 UTC
    Last modified: Saturday, February 4th, 2006
    16:42:24 UTC
  95. My Day

    It started when I was to meet my sister, neice, and her *loser*+abusive long-term boyfriend — aptly named Cain — for lunch at 12:30. I got there at 12:45 but needless to say, they weren't there and never showed up. I left at 1:30. While paying the bill I noticed a flyer on the counter about an HIV/AIDS awareness seminar ("Know so you can help!") sponsored by the local Unitarian Universalist church; the very one I stopped going to in 2002.

    Tonight I bought a 300 GB external Seagate drive and an MP3-DVD player. I fit all of my 2005 songs on ONE dvd (4GB!) and it is awesome quality. JVC again.
    [Read more]

    Sunday, May 29th, 2005
    03:29:58 UTC
    Last modified: Sunday, May 29th, 2005
    03:33:58 UTC
  96. Best place for Houston Astros Tickets

    Shameless plug follows :o

    Want great Houston Astros tickets? Try a place that is better than TicketMasters.

    Friday, May 27th, 2005
    21:37:49 UTC
    Last modified: Saturday, February 4th, 2006
    16:32:27 UTC
  97. More movies

    K i wrote this on a napkin as my computer is currently in pieces spread over a 10 mile radius...I'm looking at my monitor now, heh.

    I bought more movies — each $5:

    • A Beautiful Mind
    • Disclosure
    • Frantic
    • What's Eating Gilbert Grape
    • Secret Window
    • Vanilla Sky
    Friday, May 27th, 2005
    04:24:50 UTC
    Last modified: Friday, May 27th, 2005
    14:31:50 UTC
  98. Very Crazy Dream

    Last night I had — by far — the most lucid (seemingly) telepathic experience of my entire life. For approximately 6 hours last night, I communicated with some one I haven't spoken to in a couple years. It was surreal. I was just insanely enjoying (as was my companion) the dreamscape as it was every thing I want the world to be like.

    The dream was crazy. It was an alternate world and I had gotten there via a Sliders timer. I dont' know how but this person and their father ended up in the same 'bus' as me (i had already been rescued from a sinking boat), along with about 20 other people. It was a tour bus and our guide was welcoming us to the city. No one but my chance-companion knew we were from another dimension.
    [Read more]

    Wednesday, May 25th, 2005
    16:17:05 UTC
    Last modified: Wednesday, May 25th, 2005
    16:13:05 UTC
  99. One-way Telepathy?

    Have you ever felt connected to some one? Has your body ever responded to their general seasonal emotional orientation? Do you think about them and they call? Are you physically and emotionally affected by just being in a house that has a history of negativity? Would you consider yourself an empath?

    What if you had more concrete examples? What if one person you cared about thought about things, went to different places, moments, hours or days before you — unknowingly — did the same? What if the same happened in reverse? E.g. you both seem to have a connection. Can such two-way or even unidirectional forms of telepathy be caused by only one person? I don't know.
    [Read more]

    Tuesday, May 24th, 2005
    19:37:41 UTC
    Last modified: Tuesday, May 24th, 2005
    19:54:41 UTC
  100. Funny comment :-)

    So, Isigned on to Battle.net to play Starcraft just now and saw a really funny quote. Here it is for posterity :-)

    <potatosack> are you a slowass typer or do you take a piss everytime you say something?

    Monday, May 23rd, 2005
    02:03:27 UTC
    Last modified: Monday, May 23rd, 2005
    02:04:27 UTC
  101. Top 10 Movies of All Time

    After much deliberation — ok, 5 minutes worth — here is my revised list of my faviorite ten movies:


    1. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

    2. What Dreams May Come

    3. The Matrix II

    4. X-Files

    5. American Beauty

    6. The Matrix I

    7. Fight Club

    8. The Life of David Gale

    9. In the Mouth of Madness

    10. Dare Devil and/or Deterrence and/or The Green Mile


    [Read more]

    Sunday, May 22nd, 2005
    22:52:19 UTC
    Last modified: Sunday, May 22nd, 2005
    22:55:19 UTC
  102. Most Enlightened Film

    If there's one huge paradigm shift I've had in 2005 it is that God[dess], Reality and Life are intrinsically One and Individual: my Trinity. And a corollary: God[dess] does not — cannot — judge, yet some things just 'happen' out of habbit and reinforced thought: Gravity, the 2nd law of thermodynamics, self-deprecation of suicides to the point that they cannot escape the Hell of their own creation, etc.

    Since it points out virtually all of this through great casting, acting, visuals, metaphor, and theme, What Dreams May Come [trailer] has to be the most enlightened movie I have ever watched.
    [Read more]

    Sunday, May 22nd, 2005
    21:03:37 UTC
    Last modified: Sunday, May 22nd, 2005
    21:04:37 UTC
  103. Lots of New DVDs :-)

    Months before I signed up for Blockbuster's unlimited monthly rentals in January 2005 I had stopped buying DVDs. In fact, I cannot recall buying a single DVD in all of 2004; I know I only rented five videos max in 2004, all after September. Today, I think I made up for it.

    I have played Starcraft either by myself or on PvPGN servers since 1996. But I have never owned a valid CD Key, until now. When I went to Best Buy they had this huge cart full of DVDs for $4 each! This is what I bought:

    Update: Addded 4 more :o

    [Read more]

    Saturday, May 21st, 2005
    18:10:12 UTC
    Last modified: Sunday, May 22nd, 2005
    02:18:12 UTC
  104. Line in the Sand? Where is Yours?

    Fascism. The encroaching kind.

    Do you go along to get along (Like an enabler of abuse)? Do you go along for minimial interruption (Motto of 1930's Germanic Jews)? Do you fanatically believe that you will be "raptured" up, miss every thing, and not give a damn about your 'left-behind' brethren? (Like the Pre-Millennialist 1940's Germanic pastors)?

    The question is, when will you say, "Enough is enough!" and start passively resisting by mobalizing with others and simply *NOT*DOING* what you are told? Haven't thought of this yet? I'm the only one of my friends who has. You *need* to. Your line will be crossed if many of us do not do this *now*!
    [Read more]

    Saturday, May 21st, 2005
    12:28:13 UTC
    Last modified: Saturday, May 21st, 2005
    13:01:13 UTC
  105. For the Record...

    What is 'love'? Something best defined by negation, like the question, "Who am I?" In our systemmically debased culture, fully 80% of the definitions of love are horribly self-centered and even vulgar. My love for Crefn did not arise spontaneously due to rampant biological urges but from a conscious decision. Yes, love is primarily a decision. A decision to be willing to sacrifice for the other. The more you will go, the more you love. Jesus summed it up nicely: "No greater love is there than a man who gives up his life for a friend."

    [Read more]

    Friday, May 20th, 2005
    20:07:30 UTC
    Last modified: Saturday, May 21st, 2005
    14:16:30 UTC
  106. My Confirmed Premonition

    So, this morning after I had gotten out of the shower I had this intuition — out of no where — "Man, wouldn't it be great if I could put advertistements in RSS feeds?! I mean, there's not a single RSS aggregator that filters for SPAM yet, and people couldn't 'block' them without losing access to your content.

    Well, today it was announced that Google has started delivering AdSense into RSS feeds :o

    If that incredible synchronicity doesn't knock you down like it did me, lol!
    [Read more]

    Thursday, May 19th, 2005
    19:49:35 UTC
    Last modified: Thursday, May 19th, 2005
    19:55:35 UTC
  107. Super String of Synchronicities

    These books are all awesome. Here's a quote by David Icke's newest Infinite Love. Be *sure* to read more for the awesome string of synchronicities that brought me to this book.

    People keep doing what the government dictatorships tell them to do, without question or challenge, and perpetuate the illusion that they have free choice by never making one. "Having my wings stuck to this web suits me fine because I am choosing not to fly." I have met so many people over the years who thought they were free until they did something that was outside the "norm". And big reality check followed because, to quote the great American comedian, Bill Hicks: "You are free to do as we tell you." [CoBEn2000: the free speech zones, LOL] As the Orwellian global state emerges rapidly from the shadows, this self-deception about a "free world" is becoming far more difficult to sustain."

    [Read more]
    Wednesday, May 18th, 2005
    20:10:11 UTC
    Last modified: Wednesday, May 18th, 2005
    22:55:11 UTC
  108. Coolest Screenshot: IE and Winamp in GNOME

    THe coolest screenshot ever :o
    Winamp 5.09 and Internet Explorer 6 SP 1 running in Gnome on Debian :p


    Winamp 5 and Internet Explorer 6

    Wednesday, May 18th, 2005
    16:16:36 UTC
    Last modified: Thursday, May 19th, 2005
    18:55:36 UTC
  109. New host is awesome!!

    [21:16] <HopeSeekr> so there was some DNS weird shit going down w/ [this site]. [21:16] <HopeSeekr> and i'm going, wow that's weird...it keeps pointing to a new ip every five minutes! But never going down :o [21:16] <HopeSeekr> i call up tech support..live AMERICANS open until 11pm my time (OMFG!!!) [21:16] <HopeSeekr> they say, "Ya, we're suffering from three websites experiencing massive loads" [21:17] <HopeSeekr> O? [21:17] <HopeSeekr> "Ya, one of our servers was slashdotted and the others are suffering dos attacks... you wouldn't believe how much bandwidth teh slashdotted one took up!" [21:17] <HopeSeekr> How much? [21:17] <HopeSeekr> "75 GB / hour" [21:17] <HopeSeekr> And you guys coped?! [21:17] <HopeSeekr> "Ya, but we've been diverting traffic across several class-a subnets all day!" [21:18] <HopeSeekr> No wonder IPs keep changing! [21:18] <HopeSeekr> "Yep!"


    [Read more]
    Wednesday, May 18th, 2005
    02:18:42 UTC
    Last modified: Thursday, May 19th, 2005
    18:54:42 UTC
  110. Microsoft Eyes Redhat :o

    I knew it! Years and years ago, when I snubbed RedHat after using 6.x longre than any distribution thus far (I started w/ kernel 1.1.16), I realized they had come to resemble Microsoft in virtually every way; especially the horrible products, costly technical support (which I needed because of the products), and expensive boxes.

    Today I heard something *shocking*: Microsoft may buy out RedHat! The only reason I could fathom would be for the brand-name recognition, but the article points out something about Microsoft trying to undercut IBM.
    [Read more]

    Monday, May 16th, 2005
    20:26:42 UTC
    Last modified: Tuesday, May 17th, 2005
    14:56:42 UTC
  111. New site up! sort of ...

    As you can see, the site is sup...

    However, there seems to be issues with the themes on the initial page. If you see a very white, dull page, please click here.Hopefully this will be fixed later today :-9

    Tuesday, May 17th, 2005
    14:51:45 UTC
    Last modified: Tuesday, May 17th, 2005
    14:52:45 UTC
  112. This site is moving!

    This site is moving to a new host! Hurray!!

    Ever since 22 April its host has *sucked*, necessitating a pull-out of all systems-critical sites, such as this one. We are moving to BlueHost.

    NOw I just have to


    1. Backup incendiary database

    2. Create a new account on new host

    3. Upload MySQL

    4. Tweak a few settings

    5. Upload drupal

    6. Test

    7. Modify DNS

    Should take me twenty minutes :-)

    Monday, May 16th, 2005
    15:27:52 UTC
    Last modified: Monday, May 16th, 2005
    15:30:52 UTC
  113. Survivor Palau — Tom wins immunity

    Tom won immunity. It will be interesting to see who goes home.

    From the previews it seems Tom and Ian will soon have a *serious confrontation. I just hope that Jenn is the first, or maybe even Katie. I personally cannot stand either type of woman, but something about Katie's nature *really* pisses me off. On the other hand, Jenn is*long* over due to be voted off, imho.

    Monday, May 16th, 2005
    00:29:16 UTC
    Last modified: Monday, May 16th, 2005
    00:31:16 UTC
  114. No Event

    Today was pretty boring. This site (and [past employer's site]) went down for ~45 minutes, and after my initial panic I gave up worrying. I will find a new host Monday. Today was very boring and I've been exhausted ... it almost feels like there's a pyshic vampire on my tail. Any way, after sleeping all day I now feel biologically depressed and will go sit in the corner.

    Sunday, May 15th, 2005
    01:26:32 UTC
    Last modified: Saturday, February 4th, 2006
    16:41:51 UTC
  115. Busy Day

    Ya, so I found a further conspiracy related to [past employer]...MAYBE I'll discuss it in detail later, but if I did so now I would risk getting charged with libel :o

    A gorgeous woman ~25 yrs-old at the bank I haunt — she sees me every 2 weeks — said, "O sir! Do you want your statement?" "Yes, please." "O wow...You're *really* doing well for yourself! Want to go out some time?" ::wink:: ::wink::


    [Read more]

    Saturday, May 14th, 2005
    04:55:58 UTC
    Last modified: Saturday, February 4th, 2006
    16:30:57 UTC
  116. Enter Amerika — RealID Now Law

    Boy, the noosphere is *really* aflame with the news today that the RealID was passed with absolutely zero dissent from our glorious Senators. I just quote what I've said previously in IRC today:

    hope-work> It's the fucking end of ameria
    hope-work> america
    hope-work> yesterday w/ 0 opposiing votes, the senate approved the RealID initiative
    hope-work> it creates a national id card that stores all of your personal information
    hope-work> and has an RFID tracker
    hope-work> so they can tell where you are any given time of day
    hope-work> the legislation makes it *illegal* to be in public without it
    hope-work> you cannot do the following without one:

    [Read more]

    Thursday, May 12th, 2005
    15:30:35 UTC
    Last modified: Thursday, May 12th, 2005
    15:36:35 UTC
  117. Maturity and Attraction

    Women. They are unquestionably directly responsible for all of my poetry. Wars, famine, politics; they make for great prose, but poetry for me requires the female gender. Nothing else irks me the way they do, for they provide both the best and worst experiences of my life, and I *never* know how they will react to any thing.

    I have realized — especially this past month — that a woman's age greatly predetermines how they respond to me; how they value a relationship with me. With the exception of *two* people, all women under the age of — say — 24 unquestionably shun me as any thing more than a friend. Common lines: "I'm just not attracted", "you're too good for me", etc. It probably wouldn't be surprising that both of the two that didn't snub me tended toward bisexualism, so their sexual sensitivity is probably wiredly differently than heterosexuals.

    With women 25 and over — well, that's a completely different story.

    [Read more]

    Thursday, May 12th, 2005
    05:27:44 UTC
    Last modified: Thursday, May 12th, 2005
    05:36:44 UTC
  118. Nice Night

    A peaceful night; an uneventful night. Preparing for slumber, a sharp ring of the doorbell, followed by three frenetic knock, knock, knocks shatter your machinations for dreaming. Instantly awake; an unsettling, momentary dread. Could there be police at your door? No, a solitary female. Mature, not young. Beautiful in her own way, excited; Excited at the prospect of spending time with you. Running; you run through the house, Trying to find pants, In the dead of night it is a feat. Scammering; trying to fix your hair in time. Dashing, you throw open the door; her arms open wide.


    [Read more]
    Thursday, May 12th, 2005
    04:49:53 UTC
    Last modified: Thursday, May 12th, 2005
    04:54:53 UTC
  119. Coolest CPU Cooler!!

    So, this guy was pissed off that his computer was making so much noise. So he dumped his *entire* computer — minus the disk drives — into mineral oil :o This is just so insane I'm going to have to try it!!

    Lots of pictures below!

    [Read more]

    Wednesday, May 11th, 2005
    22:50:15 UTC
    Last modified: Wednesday, May 11th, 2005
    22:53:15 UTC
  120. Crazy Night

    I deleted over 20 GB of MPEGs and AVIs tonight, and how much is windows saying is free? 355 KB. Nothing I delete increases this, the files are being shadow-copied somewhere by something and I can't figure out what.

    I was just stalked by a truck. It had followed me from the 3rd Ward of Houston, where I *idiotically* was at 11:00 PM for no reason — just wanted to drive — and it realyl freaked me out when I purposefully went the wrong direction in my neighborhood and the damn thing followed me for about 8 consecutive wrong turns that *NO*ONE* ever makes.

    I sped down my street, with its various blind corners, at 60 mph (limit 30) and prayed hard there was no cat or other wildlife in the street :o I saw the ferak behind me....i went past my house, turned into a culdesac a mile (and 4 blind corners) down and passed him about 30 sec later...He didn't turn around :o
    [Read more]

    Wednesday, May 11th, 2005
    04:45:11 UTC
    Last modified: Wednesday, May 11th, 2005
    04:49:11 UTC
  121. Just saw Nick!

    Twas a good day. Even though I procrastinated virtually the entire day.

    I was awoken at 11:13PM by my best friend, Nick. He's back from Las Cruces! Got back this morning but didn't bother calling until now! He looks awesome!

    I'm wired now :o

    Tuesday, May 10th, 2005
    04:28:07 UTC
    Last modified: Tuesday, May 10th, 2005
    05:30:07 UTC
  122. Psychic Disinvestment — The Effects of

    Ever been so in love with someone that you literally felt their pain? It isn't as rare as you think. Identical twins have these sensations all the time, and throughout history it has been the sign of utter devotion to one's love. Jesus felt so much love for humanity that he would become physically tired from giving his psychic energy to so many people; and this was Jesus, a Spiritual Master!

    For over two years now, I have had one of these connections with some one; you probably know who. After much meditation, I decided to disinvest from them psychically last Wednesday. Yet I cannot help but wonder if their life has suffered any. It was *far* easier than I imagined; I invested insane amounts into them, after all.

    [Read more]

    Monday, May 9th, 2005
    03:27:08 UTC
    Last modified: Monday, May 9th, 2005
    03:36:08 UTC
  123. Google Webaccelerator Creep Out :o

    So I used WebAccelerator for a day. A working day. On nothing but largely static pages and didn't realize how *evil* it was until I got home. I was immediately assaulted by the realization that I had not logged in to this site via Internet Explorer (which I have not used in days) and yet there I was, logged in as HopeSeekr. I immediately went to the neighbors, installed webaccelerator and viewed incendiary.ws again. This time, too, I saw I was logged in as Hopeseekr. Then I tried accessing the CPanel for the entire site. It worked :o


    [Read more]

    Sunday, May 8th, 2005
    17:37:44 UTC
    Last modified: Sunday, May 8th, 2005
    17:50:44 UTC
  124. Huge Synchronicity! October Sky

    O wow!!

    OK. So I bought a new harddrive today from Fry's. A 250GB SATA. When I plugged it in, it wouldn't boot; go figure, Fry's sucks. Then the harddrive that stopped working May 2003 that's been in my computer ever since just decided to ... work. I'm muttering about for the last hour finding nothing but *knowing* this — like every thing — is no coincidence. Then I find it: The entire October Sky OST!

    Crefn once said one of her favorite songs was on that OST. Yet it was so rare online I only found one song, the end titles, and she said that was not it. And here it has been...the entire long-sought OST, on my should-be-dead harddrive all along :o
    [Read more]

    Saturday, May 7th, 2005
    18:49:09 UTC
    Last modified: Saturday, May 7th, 2005
    18:50:09 UTC
  125. Google Webaccelerator Owns All!

    O my o my. This is the best thing since the adoption of Gzipped HTML (e.g. HTTP 1.1)!

    Google's Web Accelerator is *awesome*! I installed it at work and it saved our office a cummulative 8 hours of browsing in just about 5 hours of usage :O While the office LAN has traditionally been the top user in terms of traffic on the website, today we were number 8 of 10.

    Monday I am going to start an advertisting campaign for WebAccelerator right next to my existing Firefox campaign. I figure that by maximiziing Google's cache that it will minimize site latency and bandwidth requirements to boot.
    [Read more]

    Saturday, May 7th, 2005
    03:17:09 UTC
    Last modified: Saturday, May 7th, 2005
    03:15:09 UTC
  126. Need — The Illuision of

    [T]he first thing they tell [tell] you [is] that you need something. You need something to be happy, you need something to be acceptable...

    You need something.

    Your media reinforces it at every turn. Even your present religions, from which you hope to receive the highest wisdom, tell you this. They tell you that you need God. And God needs *you* to believe in certain ways...

    *Need* is the most damaging and restraining of all the illusions binding humanity solely to this realm.


    [Read more]
    Saturday, May 7th, 2005
    02:16:47 UTC
  127. A Simple Outlook to Accept (All?) Loss

    Since I was first confronted with the loss of someone I knew with death I realized that the entire concept did not really perturb me at all. Every one will die, dying is natural, and either they're going to a better place, getting what they deserve, or going nowhere; either way, why should I let *just* death affect me?

    Since then, I have also come to accept loss of friends and lovers in the same way. I lose for the ascension of others, as I look at it. Plus, in terms of not associating with me, that's their loss, not mine. Most people claim their lives have been touched by mine. I pretty much selflessly serve others, knowing innately I and they are One. This realization has helped me accept, as I never thought possible just a few days ago, that just their search for happiness by and of itself is enough to honor their wishes; and why should I invest one ounce of sadness towards one who does not wish to reciprocate my love and/or friendship for fairly arbitrary reasons?
    [Read more]

    Saturday, May 7th, 2005
    00:08:37 UTC
  128. God: Life not Working?

    So sayeth Goddess [supposedly, heh]:

    You say [Life] is not working in the moments that it is not bringing you what you want ... [This] is a horrible definition. Your life is always working, whether you know it or not. Sometimes it works to bring you what you want, and sometimes it works to keep you from what you think you want, until you can mature and grow and see that it isn't what would have brought you to the highest and best, that it wasn't your next most beneficial step.

    [Read more]
    Friday, May 6th, 2005
    00:45:48 UTC
  129. Bush: Bonkers in the Bunker

    Has the President, by his foolishness, triggered a potential pullout of U.S. Treasuries, thereby triggering a near-term dollar crash? How close are we to such a cataclysmic event, as the result of the President's foolishness? ... The collective insanity at the White House, LaRouche concluded, can not go ignored, but at the gravest threat to world stability.

    Full article at Executive Intelligence Review.

    Thursday, May 5th, 2005
    23:48:46 UTC
    Last modified: Thursday, May 5th, 2005
    23:52:46 UTC
  130. Alcazar — Alcastar Lyrics

    In another twist that proves that I like European culture more than the debased Amerikan one I am inundated in, it turns out I like another Top Swedish Song, just like my last favorite: Chipz — Chipz in Black, which praseodym pointed out is hot in the Netherlands right now :o

    The *crazy* thing is that I can't find Alcazar — Alcastar Lyrics any where!
    Here are the inspiring lyrics full of Enlightenment...


    [Read more]

    Thursday, May 5th, 2005
    17:01:09 UTC
  131. One in a Billion

    This is something my boss handed me this morning as it was obviously apparent my world had been shaken. It makes me feel better even though I realize it is almost total religious dogma. As I realized in highschool: When I prayed for help on tests I knew I could pass I would fail miserably and when I didn't pray on tests I hadn't studied for I'd make As.


    [Read more]
    Wednesday, May 4th, 2005
    16:08:26 UTC
    Last modified: Wednesday, May 4th, 2005
    16:27:26 UTC
  132. Full story coming

    OK. Let's just get my entire side of the story out in the open over the next few days/weeks and then we will see what happens to decent guys in our great country :-) There really are guys who will give you every thing plus their freedom for you when you're in need. The only thing I think is weird is how I still haven't found someone who appreciates that quality in me.

    Wednesday, May 4th, 2005
    13:25:55 UTC
    Last modified: Wednesday, May 4th, 2005
    13:38:55 UTC
  133. 147.07 days -I Love IGF-1!

    147.07 days, or 4 months, 27 days 1 hours 40 minutes

    OK. I am *crazily* dependent on growth hormones (Specifically IGF-1) omfgoddess... I just started taking them in mid-March and already, if I miss an injection by 2 or 3 hours (e.g. i haven't had one in 26 or 28 hours) I just get *incredibly* depressed *immediately* :o

    I don't consider myself ::addicted:: because normally every person's body produces natural ammounts of IGF-1 when adults and IGF-2 when growing...I am part of the top 0.005% baby!

    For more on this, check out Thank *me* on your 150th birthday.
    [Read more]

    Wednesday, May 4th, 2005
    12:54:34 UTC
    Last modified: Wednesday, May 4th, 2005
    12:58:34 UTC
  134. 147.48 days, or 4 months, 27 days 11 hours 37 minutes

    At least 147.44 days, or 4 months, 27 days 10 hours 37 minutes of Hope remaining...

    OK OK. Right now I'm extremely depressed. I *hate* biological depression, and I need to get back into the Now. I think that means that all these countdowns will just 'disappear' in a few days.

    I think I should find a housemate while my parents are away for the next four months. Still don't think i'll be able to "move on" though.

    Another synchronicity: I erased a *really* depressed entry i started at 11 hrs 37 min and started this one at 10 hrs 37 minutes
    [Read more]

    Wednesday, May 4th, 2005
    02:57:14 UTC
    Last modified: Wednesday, May 4th, 2005
    04:32:14 UTC
  135. 147.58 days — Blogs better than E-Mail

    At least 147.58 days, or 4 months, 27 days 14 hours 1 minutesof Hope remaining...

    A full two weeks into this venture — my first blog — and I am thoroughly hooked/entranced by the entire "blog" thing. I grew up with the internet. I registered wakeup-people.com in 1994 (I lost it, along with a far more pressing love ~20 December 2003) back when just 0.05% of the population of the US was online.

    [Read more]

    Wednesday, May 4th, 2005
    00:34:26 UTC
  136. 147.69 days — Real Matrix for Animals :-/

    At least 147.69 days, or 4 months, 27 days 16 hours 38 minutes of Hope remaining...

    As reported over at Wired News today:


    Future technologies, though, could yield fruit. For example, some theorists have floated a Matrix-like scenario that would use direct stimulation of the brain to fool livestock about the reality of their living conditions.

    "To offset the cruelty of factory-farming, routine implants of smart microchips in the pleasure centers may be feasible," says David Pearce, associate editor of the Journal of Evolution and Technology. "Since there is no physiological tolerance to pure pleasure, factory-farmed animals could lead a lifetime of pure bliss instead of misery. Unnatural? Yes, but so is factory farming. Immoral? No, certainly not compared to the terrible suffering we inflict on factory-farmed animals today."




    [Read more]

    Tuesday, May 3rd, 2005
    21:57:32 UTC
  137. 147.85 days — Br8king Time's Hold

    At least 147.82 days, or 4 months, 27 days 19 hours 41 minutes of Hope remaining...

    I realized today while driving to work that this very website — actually just one part of it — has tied me into The Futhre / Anticipation exponentially more than any thing since I largely freed myself from Time's servitude in late 2003.

    For those of you that don't know, time is an utter illusion. The best measurer of change is actually the synchronicities that occur in your life...
    [Read more]

    Tuesday, May 3rd, 2005
    18:56:43 UTC
  138. 148.51 days — The Price of Consumption

    At least 148.51 days, or 4 months, 28 days 12 hours 20 minutes of Hope remaining...

    The Price of Consumption, is it worth it? I found this video on indymedia.org, yet it was a *huge* monstrousity (60 MB) in an antiquated encoding I had never heard of (VP3). Well, I transcoded it to mp3+xvid. It is now an amazing 10 MB (the audio is larger than the video :O). The quality is just slightly worse than the original. The first 50 people may download from this site, then it moves on to ED2K. It made me cry :-/

    [Read more]

    Tuesday, May 3rd, 2005
    02:14:26 UTC
    Last modified: Tuesday, May 3rd, 2005
    02:20:26 UTC
  139. 148.58 days — Nice day

    At least 148.58 days, or 4 months, 28 days 13 hours 51 minutes of Hope remaining...

    Saturday, I got to hang out with my 16 year-old niece for the second time ever; I found out she existed 5 years ago when she was 11, and now she's 5'11" and towers over me :O I hung out with my 13 yr-old (14 in 20 days :) nephew Jared for about 3 hours. While all the old ones were puckering about downstairs, we were upstairs watching Jackass The Movie *much* to his mother's delight, lol. We finished discussing God and philosophy which I thought was *insanely* cool. he and I have more in common than any other family member, it's insane. Who else prefers books to socializing?!

    Attached is a picture of other niece :-)

    [Read more]

    Tuesday, May 3rd, 2005
    00:42:38 UTC
    Last modified: Tuesday, May 3rd, 2005
    01:58:38 UTC
  140. 148.82 days — Spiritual Masters

    At least 148.82 days, or 4 months, 28 days 19 hours 39 minutes of Hope remaining...

    Had another *awesome* spirtual power-hour during lunch today. What I've learned over the last week is fairly amazing. After eighteen months of next to no spiritual enlightenment, I am being bombarded :-) This definately is related to the influx of daily synchronicities in my life which started on or around 30 March 2005.

    My new creed is:


    • God is Process

    • God is Man

    • God is the Universe throughout us

    Here's what I've learned about God/Life?Reality in the last 8 days:

    [Read more]

    Monday, May 2nd, 2005
    18:55:01 UTC
    Last modified: Monday, May 2nd, 2005
    22:38:01 UTC
  141. 149.17 days — Low Consciousness :-(

    149.17 days, or 4 months, 29 days 4 hours 10 minutes of Hope remaining...

    OK, I am in a state of very low consciousness...You know? You go to sleep 98% happy with the current direction of your life, wake up at 4 AM due to a serious inconvenience and by 4:45 you are about 80% upset with your life?

    OK...maybe it's my stupid parents, my asshole dad, or the lack of reciprocated lovers in my life. But still...

    [Read more]

    Monday, May 2nd, 2005
    10:45:49 UTC
    Last modified: Monday, May 2nd, 2005
    16:47:49 UTC
  142. 149.56 days — Horrible Fascism

    149.56 days, or 4 months, 29 days 13 hours 29 minutes of Hope remaining.

    TUSC is a creative and powerful form of resistance to the ever-growing culture of oppression of which UCSC is a part, as well as an opportunity to define and create the kind of world we wish to live in. In glaring contrast to the University of California, which is driven almost solely by economic imperatives, Tent University will function based on principles of liberty, solidarity, community, and creativity.

    Tent University, UCSC, was shut down in April by an insanely-fascist police organization. The attached video shows cops picking up protestors by the necks for up to 5 minutes. You see people throwing up, passing out, and even CPR performed becuase of this Nazi practices. I just can't believe the crowd didn't riot.
    [Read more]

    Monday, May 2nd, 2005
    01:10:24 UTC
    Last modified: Monday, May 2nd, 2005
    01:11:24 UTC
  143. 149.61 days — Macro-Punctuation

    149.61 days, or 4 months, 29 days 14 hours 37 minutes minutes of Hope remaining...

    I had never heard of the concept "macro-punctuation" until this afternoon, but there are entire websites dedicated to the concept. Apparently they aid in the over-all readability of not so much a string of words as much as the entire document as a whole.

    Whereas punctuation is related to the flow of speech, macropunctuation is used as regulator of a page. Thus this site design is a macro-punctuation of my thoughts + feelings in a way to help further project my essence onto every one reading this page. wow, deep.

    [Read more]

    Sunday, May 1st, 2005
    23:48:47 UTC
    Last modified: Wednesday, May 4th, 2005
    12:41:47 UTC
  144. 149.85 days — Sorry, You Missed the Rapture

    149.85 days, or 4 months, 29 days 20 hours 19 minutes of Hope remaining...

    I hate to be the one to break it to you, but You have missed the Rapture!! Yet before you "flee into the mountains" you might consider that the reason you missed it is because you believe[d] in the wrong religion :o

    It was announced today — 2005-05-01 — that the oldest known fragment of the Book of Revelation was finally translated, due to the aid of cutting-edge infrared cameras used in decades-old spy satellites. For more, see The Holy Grail of Christian Anthology.
    [Read more]

    Sunday, May 1st, 2005
    17:41:56 UTC
    Last modified: Sunday, May 1st, 2005
    18:17:56 UTC
  145. 150.37 days — My Plans for 2006

    150.37 days, or 5 months, 0 days 8 hours 55 minutes of Hope remaining...

    I have more or less 5 months exactly before I find out whether or not the only thing I am hoping for will be possible. Regardless, whether October is a time of rejoicing or mourning, I *know* what I am going to be doing come the summer of 2006. At least one person would be insanely interested in doing this with me too, and this gives me more hope than virtually any thing tonight :-)

    To what do I allude? From 8-13 Nov 2004 I went on a cruise with the entire side of my dad's family to the Caribbean. Because of the wedding, we really only got a chance to go on two excusions. On our last excursion Thursday we had the opportunity to either get drunka nd shop at flea markets or travel 150km inland to official Mayan ruins. What do you think I picked?!

    [Read more]

    Sunday, May 1st, 2005
    03:23:34 UTC
    Last modified: Sunday, May 1st, 2005
    05:40:34 UTC
  146. 150.52 days — New Layout | Stats

    150.52 days, or 5 months, 0 days 12 hours 35 minutes of Hope remaining...

    I found a *bunch* of high-quality Claire Forlani pics, so I'm going to create one theme for each one and use a different one daily|weekly and give users the opportunity to choose their own as well :-)

    Incendiary.ws statistics are through the roof :o Based on the stats the content is the most popular of any site I have ever seen / maintained. See for your self below...

    [Read more]

    Sunday, May 1st, 2005
    01:47:39 UTC
    Last modified: Sunday, May 1st, 2005
    01:59:39 UTC
  147. 151.31 days — CRAZY xMule Synchronicity!

    151.31 days, or 5 months, 1 days 7 hours 20 minutes of Hope remaining...

    OK, Reality keeps hitting me with all these synchronicities. For the last few days I have been fretting over the state of xMule.ws. I have no idea when the account at yrhost.org expires; i think it is soon. I hate the down times, how it lags when I release a new version of xMule, a lot of things. Today I was checking my operamail account — something I haven't done in *months* — because of a recent string of synchronicities directly related to it. I received this message tonight:

    [Read more]

    Saturday, April 30th, 2005
    07:04:42 UTC
    Last modified: Saturday, April 30th, 2005
    15:15:42 UTC
  148. 151.36 days — Theme Customizations

    151.36 days, or 5 months, 1 days 8 hours 44 minutes of Hope remaining...

    Hmm...I like the new site :-) If any one is offended by the pic of Claire Forlani (of Requiem for a Dream), please say so here. My only fear is that the site is too cluttered. Btw, it's firefox optimized :-)

    Saturday, April 30th, 2005
    05:50:53 UTC
    Last modified: Saturday, April 30th, 2005
    05:52:53 UTC
  149. 151.42 days — On Synchronicity

    151.42 days, or 5 months, 1 days 10 hours 6 minutes of Hope remaining...

    [Synchronicity]

    • A Jungian term for a meaningful coincidence that has a low probability of being a random or chance event.
    • An acausal connecting principle. A principle that links events acausally, that is, in terms of the subjective meaningfulness of the coincidence, rather than by cause and effect.
    • The alignment of forces in the universe to create an event [of great import; i.e. Destiny -ed]

    More from Google Definitions

    [Read more]

    Saturday, April 30th, 2005
    04:08:08 UTC
    Last modified: Saturday, April 30th, 2005
    04:29:08 UTC
  150. 151.48 days — Synchronicities, omfg!

    Goddess!!! After almost a year 1/2 of next-to-zero synchronicites with my firs thappening in early sep 04, the next in dec and the next four weeks ago, I swear...I am *rolling* in them since earlier this week!

    WoW! If i wasn't so wary about fascism getting me, I would be unreservedly jumping up and down, running naked through the streets, shouting EUREKA!!.

    Instead, I am hopefully optimistic, about to speed down the street (to the coffee shop) with Reilly, and all the while, JuMpInG uP aNd DoWn!!!

    I'll write more about synchronicitie
    [Read more]

    Saturday, April 30th, 2005
    03:06:29 UTC
    Last modified: Saturday, April 30th, 2005
    03:21:29 UTC
  151. 151.49 days — Strange Reticence

    151.49 days, or 5 months, 1 days 11 hours 52 minutes of Hope remaining...

    For those of you that don't know, back in February I bought a new box. 3.0GHz Pentium 4, 2GB 400MHz DDR2, 80GB SATA, plus the 16x DVD-RAM I bought in January. Now something is wrong with its fan, it ratches incredibly loud now and it makes me want to punch my LCD as it is very grating noise I listen to for hours on end. I plan to give it to my nephew (who is currently using a 1.0GHz P4) when I buy a new one.

    I want to buy a dual Opteron box..somethign that will last me for a few years. I want to spend up to $3,000. But there's this *crazy* feelings of reticence when I contemplate this. While I have plenty of money to cover this, I just can't help but think — not "How could this hurt Crefn?", but — "How much would this hinder Crefn and I from having fiscal security in the near future?" Crazy, I know! I don't even know if she will talk to me! and yet, in an odd way, my life revolves around her even with so much uncertainty and time.

    [Read more]

    Saturday, April 30th, 2005
    02:12:29 UTC
    Last modified: Saturday, April 30th, 2005
    02:43:29 UTC
  152. 151.95 days — Partially Spidered NFL

    151.95 days, or 5 months, 1 days 22 hours 53 minutes of Hope remaining...

    When drammatically changing file names, it is best to change the links on pages — i have recently learned — after the Big Three have cached the new redirects. This data confirms my earlier hypothesis that Google simply cannot handle XHTML 1.1 and that the others are giving XHTML 1.1 priority.

    Updated: 2005-04-30 12:15 -0500


    [Read more]
    Friday, April 29th, 2005
    15:40:22 UTC
    Last modified: Saturday, April 30th, 2005
    17:15:22 UTC
  153. 152.37 days — .htaccess woes

    152.37 days, or 5 months, 2 days 8 hours 56 minutes

    Listening to: Candee Jay — Back For Me

    It took me 35 minutes to set up Drupal, and 55 minutes to figure out how to set up 301 redirects from /modules.php.+ to /phpnuke/modules.php\1. The winning combination was:


    RewriteRule ^modules.php http://www.xmule.ws/phpnuke/modules.php%{PATH_INFO} [R=301,L]

    I will work on migrating xmule.ws' phpnuke+ipb users tomorrow, as well as attempt to integrate Drupal with IBP as I did with PHP-Nuke in July 04 i believe.

    [Read more]

    Friday, April 29th, 2005
    05:34:39 UTC
    Last modified: Friday, April 29th, 2005
    05:40:39 UTC
  154. 152.41 days — I love new layout

    152.41 days, or 5 months, 2 days 9 hours 53 minutes of Hope remaining...

    Wow!!! I *love* the new layout of xMule.ws!!

    Now...edit its theme or go to sleep??? CODE!

    Friday, April 29th, 2005
    04:41:31 UTC
    Last modified: Friday, April 29th, 2005
    04:43:31 UTC
  155. 152.49 days of Hope remaining — Classic Ted'ism

    152.49 days, or 5 months, 2 days 11 hours 45 minutes

    Bah! I had my first real Ted'ism in at least 6 months (remember? I was asleep ~14 months) tonight! I had *convinced* myself — with very little persuasion needed — that today was Friday. I assume it was having to watch one solid hour of Bushspeak [sic] lies about Social Security. He claimed earlier this week there was no Social Security trust fund and tonight he used the phrase "Social Security trustees" numerous times. He also claimed the Iraqis were "backward people loving death and tyranny" and Iranians were "not to be trusted with uranium".
    [Read more]

    Friday, April 29th, 2005
    02:49:43 UTC
    Last modified: Friday, April 29th, 2005
    02:53:43 UTC
  156. 152.51 days of Hope remaining — Drupalizing xMule.ws

    152.51 days, or 5 months, 2 days 12 hours 19 minutes

    I am going to drupalize xMule.ws as soon as Reilly and I get back from the local coffee shop. I'm going to have either a caramel mocha or vanilla latte, probably warm as I am chilled right now. For those interested in such things, NO IT IS NOT STARBUCKS!! I do not sell my soul; xcept via the $50 giftcard I was given last christmas and still have $40 bucks on.

    Back in 45min.

    Thanks to Mark Janssen of [Read more]

    Friday, April 29th, 2005
    02:15:26 UTC
    Last modified: Friday, April 29th, 2005
    02:21:26 UTC
  157. 152.61 days of Hope remaining — Nice Pics

    Time remaining: 152.61 days, or 5 months, 2 days 14 hours 40 minutes

    Here are pics I took after getting home from work :-) Missy totally wouldn't cooperate, Reilly is fuzzy, and I'm sure most of you will freak out when you see my desktop (work is just as bad) :o

    [Read more]

    Thursday, April 28th, 2005
    23:54:21 UTC
    Last modified: Thursday, April 28th, 2005
    23:59:21 UTC
  158. 152.65 days of Hope remaining...

    152.65 days, or 5 months, 2 days 15 hours 40 minutes

    On a scale of 10, today has been a 4. Nothing bad has happened — besides the bosses being emotionally abusive to coworkers forcing me to hold my tongue (and feel like a slut for doing so) — and the tension in the air from them. The mail server was down for 2 hours and *every*one* was *constantly* nagging me. No one could comprehend it was the fault of the ISP! UGH! As happens so often to geniuses, Ted must be able to fix EVERY THING, so blame him for every ill.

    Hopefully Survivor Palau in 1 hr 7 min will change all that :-))
    [Read more]

    Thursday, April 28th, 2005
    22:50:56 UTC
    Last modified: Thursday, April 28th, 2005
    23:52:56 UTC
  159. 152.93 days of Hope remaining — Affecting the Universe

    152.93 days, or 5 months, 2 days 22 hours 22 minutes

    Well, I finally accomplished two long-held goals today: I made my first RSS feed and made it a counter for the boundary condition this site revoles around. Just look at the GiveMeHope.org in the upper right :=)

    One of the best things I learned in 2004 was my affect on the Universe...
    [Read more]

    Thursday, April 28th, 2005
    15:35:13 UTC
    Last modified: Thursday, April 28th, 2005
    16:13:13 UTC
  160. 153.49 days of Hope remaining — Paradigm Shift

    153.49 days, or 5 months, 3 days 11 hours 48 minutes
    Listening to: Baracuda — Ass Up (Groove Coverage Remix

    Today, during one of my — now routine — view-of-reality-enhancing power lunch hours, I had what amounts to the largest epiphany I have had in years; count them, three years. It was not some new idea; it was a rephrasing of one I first formulated in mid-2000. And yes, it revolves around the very essence of reality, the Meaning of Life, and the Definition of God. :o


    [Read more]

    Thursday, April 28th, 2005
    02:14:03 UTC
    Last modified: Friday, June 3rd, 2005
    00:39:03 UTC
  161. 153.58 days of Hope remaining — Partially Spidered

    153.58 days, or 5 months, 3 days 14 hours 2 minutes

    An integral part of being a good SEO is being able to track what search engines have what pages of your site in their indices. While I have several — dare I say proprietary? — methods of tracking spider visits, this is one of the most visible to the end-user.

    Below I have constructed a continuously-updated score card of how MSN, Yahoo, and Google have indexed the site. All the listed pages were finalized on 24 April 2005. The results may shock you.

    Updated: 2005-05-02 19:55 -0500
    [Read more]

    Thursday, April 28th, 2005
    00:36:35 UTC
    Last modified: Friday, May 6th, 2005
    15:45:35 UTC
  162. 153.93 days of Hope remaining — MSN Anomaly

    153.9 days, or 5 months, 3 days 21 hours 35 minutes

    As I was analyzing the company's website statistics the other day I noticed an anomalous trend with MSN Search referrers to the site: They were roughly 5 to 10 times less on the weekends. Today I finally figured out why. I attach the following pictures to illustrate that

    1. MSN Search is totally and utterly dependent on the default search page of Internet Explorer,
    2. Windows NT and 2000 are totally and utterly dependent on corporations, and
    3. My skills as an SEO have increased referrals dramatically (120% over when I started in January)

    [Read more]
    Wednesday, April 27th, 2005
    16:20:13 UTC
    Last modified: Wednesday, April 27th, 2005
    20:49:13 UTC
  163. 153.96 days of Hope remaining — Standards

    153.96 days, or 5 months, 3 days 23 hours 3 minutes

    This Drupal theme had a "validate" button at the bottom, but — lo and behold! — there were three errors with *XHTML 1.0 Transitional*! I spent ~1 hour early this morning standardizing it to *XHTML 1.1 Strict*. If you find a page that doesn't validate, please let me know. Small reward: publicity.

    Wednesday, April 27th, 2005
    15:32:47 UTC
    Last modified: Wednesday, April 27th, 2005
    15:37:47 UTC
  164. 154.42 days of Hope remaining — The Mars Volta

    Time remaining: 154.42 days, or 5 months, 4 days 10 hours 4 minutes
    Meh. No where *near* Rage Against the Machine in May 2000 or Ani Difranco 6 February 2005 :-(

    The seats were *great*; the crowd went wild, at select intervals. When I got there 15 minutes "late" it was already going strong...what band EVER starts on time?! I kept thinking it was a warm-up act as it was nothing but randomly incoherent and disharmonious hard chords for the first hour and a 1/2. While I initially gave it a 2 out of 10, the last thirty minutes really rocked...hard. Since it was my mom's first rock concert, and Nick's dad's first *hard* rock concert, and since they both thoroughly enjoyed themselves, I give it a 5 out of 10.

    [Read more]

    Wednesday, April 27th, 2005
    04:16:14 UTC
    Last modified: Wednesday, April 27th, 2005
    04:31:14 UTC
  165. 154.6 days of Hope Remaining...

    154.6 days, or 5 months, 4 days 14 hours 23 minutes

    I'm going to The Mars Volta concert at the Verizon Wireless Center!!!

    I have center stage, third row seats; and a lOT of them.

    I am going with a fellow employee and her husband, my mom and Nick's dad ;-)

    I will post pictures later tonight!!

    Wednesday, April 27th, 2005
    00:12:02 UTC
    Last modified: Wednesday, April 27th, 2005
    00:14:02 UTC
  166. 154.98 days of Hope Remaining — Essential Firefox Plugins

    154.98 days, or 5 months, 4 days 22 hours 46 minutes

    Installing Firefox 1.0.4 20050526 *completely* destroyed my plugins :-( But it works great now! So I had to completely wipe out my profile and insall them all over again. At least backing up and restoring bookmarks was effortless :-)

    I would get sick of *constantly* adding in these dozens of sites to my "Allow" in Firefox. So I have downloaded all of the latest as of this post and put them on this site for your convenience.


    [Read more]

    Tuesday, April 26th, 2005
    15:50:32 UTC
    Last modified: Tuesday, April 26th, 2005
    20:59:32 UTC
  167. L'art de la Vie (The Art of Living)

    Dedicated to Her (whomever she turns out to be)
    Love, Ted 13 April 2005

    Devotion: Aka True Love: Being there when it hurts. When it ruins your life, Never regretting.

    The woman you've never kissed; Dying a senseless death, Before you could propose; Adopting her sons as your own.


    [Read more]
    Saturday, April 23rd, 2005
    01:16:54 UTC
    Last modified: Tuesday, April 26th, 2005
    20:54:54 UTC
  168. 156.57 days of Hope — Blaire's Confirmation

    156.57 days, or 5 months, 6 days 13 hours 40 minutes

    Early this morning I was witness to my niece's confirmation into the Methodist Church. It was the first "real" church service I had attended since largely giving up my Mormon affiliation after their dogged support for the Iraq Domination and out-right endorsement of President Bush (How can "propets" of God support such a cabal?!)

    It was the first church I had been in since I covertly attended the Jerry Farwell "Moral Majority" hatefest at a local baptist church, which drew crowds of several thousand to learn how to "convert your homosexual children!" AND THE TEXAS STATE PARLIMENT JUST DENIED HOMOSEXUALS THE RIGHT TO ADOPT BECAUSE THEY MIGHT "CONVERT" CHILDREN TO HOMOSEXUALITY!! GAJH!!!! Bigotted hypocrity in the name of G-d really gets me steamed! More on this in the future as it was quite fun and I almost got arrested again for supporting a good cause :-)

    [Read more]

    Sunday, April 24th, 2005
    23:55:24 UTC
    Last modified: Tuesday, April 26th, 2005
    13:15:24 UTC
  169. 155.94 days of Hope remaining...

    155.94 days, or 5 months, 5 days 22 hours 37 minutes

    Yes, this day started out just fine. Record number of sales in the office since I've been here; double-digit percentages more website traffic than year's most-coveted event (Rodeo), and there isn't even a major event. I feel I should ask for a raise but all they are doing is cursing and screaming and saying "Why is this other site so slow???" They also have perennial excuses as to why they have no orders one day (my fault) and many orders the next (they don't know what *they* did but it was good). In any event, due to both onrushing multi-year deadlines of momentous import *and* this incredibly stressful job, I swear I'm losing my hair at an ever-increasing rate :o

    [Read more]

    Monday, April 25th, 2005
    14:58:14 UTC
    Last modified: Tuesday, April 26th, 2005
    13:12:14 UTC
  170. 155.49 days of Hope remaining...

    155.49 days, or 5 months, 5 days 11 hours 40 minutes

    I'm about to go read an *awesome* book. Actually it is the first spirtually-oriented book I believe I have read since Crefn Mhyn and I split up in late 2003. It's called

    Tomorrow's GodTomorrow's God: Our Greatest Spiritual Challenge

    Every page is really deep. As I've grown accustomed to doing, whenever I find a treasure chest of enlightenment I always have a pen handy...and like The Holographic Universe this one is almost nothing but highlighting. :o Why do I do this? Not for myself. All of these books I give to others and hope to give to others yet again...People say they find my highlights and margin notes very helpful...as I talk to myself as much as to them when I write them.

    [Read more]

    Tuesday, April 26th, 2005
    01:56:35 UTC
    Last modified: Tuesday, April 26th, 2005
    13:10:35 UTC
  171. 155.07 days of Hope remaining — Frist psot!

    155.07 days, or 5 months, 5 days 1 hours 47 minutes.

    The frist psot ever on this site!!

    For those that don't know, some blog-like sites such as slashdot.org have such zealous users that they frequently want to have the "first post" of any given article. In their overzealous glee, many a poster makes the common typo "frist psot" because of the *stupid* layout of QWERTY.

    My goal in the next 6 weeks is to get off of QWERTY again and back on Dvorak. Hey, I can do it!
    -seekr of hope-

    Tuesday, April 26th, 2005
    12:47:17 UTC
    Last modified: Tuesday, April 26th, 2005
    13:01:17 UTC