A needle of Hope
amid a haystack of Chaos.

To the Person in My Head

Created: Saturday, June 11th, 2005
17:51:18 UTC
Last modified: Saturday, June 11th, 2005
23:25:18 UTC

Here is some mental work I'm doing for a new fiction book I'm writing :-)

If only i had been so lucky as to have been associated with you more than I have been. *I* have evolved substantially in the last few years esp since I took care of some pressing medical issues. I'm sure you have too.

I didnt' start putting pieces together until Spring 2005 by an utter sychronicity. I had seen you around before but I never knew your state of ... physical health ... or any thing else until quite recently.

I'm pretty sure I can suffer loss at this point, i was just horribly afraid you were going through worse than me (which was really god-awful bad at times).

If one thing and one thing alone characterizes what I've been told it's FUD. Systemmic FUD. Hopefully unfounded but I have my reservations :-/

ALl said, I think this is crazy scary but I'm glad for it all the same. You never know the extent of Evil until you have been downtrodden by the boot of Fascism, enforced by a depraved society; totally devoid of empathy, wracked with apathy.

... There are *so* many miracles ...

Btw, in early March I made some predictions about what had befallen another friend of mine. I've removed some personal details...


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**UPDATE: 2012-05-08**: I was able to guess the password to the encrypted text above. It is now pasted below:

i wouldnt' be surprised in the least if my friend

* actively codes php,
* makes websites, even handles stuff like CMS systems :)
* They liked photos, so photoshop wouldn't be out of the pic either

it would be a dream come true for me :)

I seriously feel they're happy now and that *really* is the
most important thing to me. I do believe, unless proven otherwise, their life
at home was hell and that that is mostly over with now. I think they was
probably as depressed as me in 2004 and popped out of around July/August 2004.

I believe they dropped out at the earliest feasible time, June 2004, took all of
the required tests, passed with amazing colors and now goes to their dream
college. This is based on the marked improvement in my own mental health at
exactly this same time, followed by a tremendous burst of optimism occuring
exactly on 26 August and continually throughout the remainder of 2004.

I believe they are probably vibrantly fighting for equal rights for [an interest
group] — hell — they're probably in a support group for them (they're
empathetic).

They probably has shitloads of college friends and is insanely happy that they
are more rational than highschoolers. Or they could be like me and realize that
in college you are less visibly dumb and more secretly mean. Peopel are
undoubtedly SHOCKED that this person is so mature both physically and especially
emotionally and mentally.

They probably has POURED her anger and frustration into [a musical instrument].
I don't why but techno seems to suit their character.

They're almost certainly fulfilling her dream of being both a programmer and
photographer by majoring as a graphics designer.

I believe they were continually mentally abused by her family until about June
2004, but at far reduced rates — and a complete cessation of physical abuse.

again I would be VERY surprised most of these are not the case

i just really have this idea that there is a strong psychic bond between us to
this day...and I cannot FATHOM how my mind + body could be SOOOO fucking attuned
to their's if they harbored even the SLIGHTEST ill will towards me...it just
doesnt' work that way every place tells me.

call me insane, but I can pretty much tell you when they are happy or not (on a
month by month basis) based solely on my own mental state at the same time, and
that is how i have deduced these major trends. I've read about that happening
with *insanely* inlove people but that's it.

I guess the real question is whether they have been having *fucked* up dreams
lately with me in them :o I've had more the last month than in my life; I just
wish I could be lucid enough to hodl a conversation :-/ They've always gotten
on to me for being so stubbornly semi-lucid too, lol!