A needle of Hope
amid a haystack of Chaos.

More About Love Than Anything

Created: Thursday, June 16th, 2005
05:22:46 UTC
Last modified: Thursday, June 16th, 2005
05:21:46 UTC

My sister realized when she was 16 that she was a homosexual. Living in a nurturing environment, seperated from us as she had been since she was three, this wasn't treated as a stigma; as a burn-the-crucifixes, satan-b-gone affair but more or less a part of 'growing up', of 'discovering who you are'. I bore the sole diplomatic effort trying to reintegrate her into a shunned baptist family, one no one (not even her) wanted her to be a aprt of. I mostly failed.

She told me she was happy, the fwe times we talked (we haven't met in 12 years); and then I got the strange message from her one day: "I'm engaged." Living in Massachusettes as she does, I figured, "Hell, she must be one of the few married gay people in the country!" Then I saw the picture of the Other inside the envelope.

It was a guy. Intrigued, I badgered her voice mail insistently for days on end until I finally received a response (she works for the ACLU and is quite busy). She met him at work. She thought she was gay but, what the hell, she liked him and didn't turn him down for dates. They were just casual. Till one night they were drunk, she slept over. "Losing my" — in her words — "heterosexual phobia, reaching outside the box and challenging my most cherished and distinguishable characteristics I realized, 'Wow! *I* am NOT a homosexual! Sure, my body is attracted to women, but ... that's not *me*." She found out that he was a very nice guy and then discovered some thing equally shocking:

Love, true love, transcends even *sexual-orientation lines*. Sure she might not get "pleasure" out of seeing him naked, but the sexual acts are largely the same. And instead of pleasing herself for once they both attempt to please the other more than themselves. And when you try to please the other more than yourself, does it really matter your respective arousal instincts? I mean, as long as you can get it up, right? LOL!

Seriously, hetero- and homosexual attractions serve two very divergent reproductive strategies: One encourages reproduction, one discourages it. BOTH have to do with the *initial* selection of possible mates, NEITHER have any thing to do with HUMAN AGAPE LOVE RELATIONSHIPS. It is for this reason that I do not out-right have a reservation against dating a guy.

What if the other is weirded out by touching the other? Treat it the same as you would a person who has suffered abuse. if your heterosexual wife is raped and cannot have sex with you with a clear conscious, what do you do? Easy, both of you abstain from sex!! In all the relationshisp I strive for, sex has a *huge* back seat to emotional, mental, and spiritual intimacy.

I guess what I'm saying is that I'm prepared to go w/o sex for the rest of my life if my mate somehow doesn't want to, or can't (paralyzed?) have sex. That sacrifice is a prerequisite of both a mature and loving person, and thus extremely rare; as I have recently discovered.

i have also recently discovered that the one I sought for so long is actualyl — surprisingly — not one of those people, and I am all the more the fool for how much I helped her. May she find inner peace because without that, the possibility of her finding love is nil. The trick is to go through Hell and come out thanking Goddess for the breeze, not lament how many people you had to step on to get out, even when you do so ethically.

-hope-

Time spent composing this document: 12 minutes.