A needle of Hope
amid a haystack of Chaos.

Maturity and Attraction

Created: Thursday, May 12th, 2005
05:27:44 UTC
Last modified: Thursday, May 12th, 2005
05:36:44 UTC

Women. They are unquestionably directly responsible for all of my poetry. Wars, famine, politics; they make for great prose, but poetry for me requires the female gender. Nothing else irks me the way they do, for they provide both the best and worst experiences of my life, and I *never* know how they will react to any thing.

I have realized — especially this past month — that a woman's age greatly predetermines how they respond to me; how they value a relationship with me. With the exception of *two* people, all women under the age of — say — 24 unquestionably shun me as any thing more than a friend. Common lines: "I'm just not attracted", "you're too good for me", etc. It probably wouldn't be surprising that both of the two that didn't snub me tended toward bisexualism, so their sexual sensitivity is probably wiredly differently than heterosexuals.

With women 25 and over — well, that's a completely different story.

The event that inspired the Nice Night poem happened tonight, for instance, with a woman — let's just say — in her late 30s. Since I got out of my sexually-restrictive funk on the 8th, I've *really* started noticing all the women that come on to me, and it's sort of shocking how blatant some of them were. Like tonight, she came with such a low-cut shirt that I kept inadvertently staring, and when she invited me into her room and started taking off her...anyway...

Tonight was good. I helped her study a *great* deal (and I'm totally not being sarcastic) for her exam Friday and we're going to meet tomorrow @ my place for a second study session + watching Survivor Palau :=)

She, however, isn't the only woman in my life right now. A younger woman still in her 30s — let's call her Sarah — likes me, but she feels odd "getting serious" with a guy more than 5 years younger than herself. I've hung out with her a *lot* since November 2004 and she likes to get drunk when I'm around. She says she "trusts" me. She also gets *strongly* suggestive — even starts kissing me — when she's had just one or two drinks.

I *used* to literally fight her off, being dedicated to The-One-I-Do-Not-Speak-Of as I was; but last Friday was different, heh. I asked her then if she thought I would take advantage of her when she did this semi-drunk, and she goes, "Nope, that's my 'excuse' to be able to have fun with you."

I dont' actually know what to make of that statement, so I never let it go too far and we hardly ever 'talk' about it. It's one of those things we just don't do without any alcohol in our systems. She immediately asked the question "Is that [not wanting to take advantage of her] why you always are so hard to get?!" and when I said, "yes" she immediately put her hand on my heart and said, "Ted, I like you; I trust you; you're the first guy I've kissed since my husband left...but dont' worry, this is NOT serious; you're just a great guy that needs more action!" I didn't know what to make of that either, LOL!

I've wanted — o how much I've wanted — to tell her all about the events of late 2003, but the closest I've ever gotten was telling her that I would probably need legal advice about something in October. She asked me about that last week to which I responded that 'that has been taken care of', which it mostly has. For some reason, women under 25 (and only one has heard it, my niece) tell me what a stupid mother-huhuh I was for doing what I did; while the four over-30 year-olds I've told just really like me / trust me even more. Go figure, right?

I think ti basically is that women are basically brain-dead when it comes to choosing on their first few loves; they have to be totally scarred in *marriage* before they learn who the good guys are. Sarah's friend knows the story (one of ~20 ppl that do, lol) and she keeps on saying, "Heh, you need to tell Sarah! She has no faith in humanity except for you." I have a feeling she leaked some info to Sarah because after she found the story was the first time Sarah kissed me...and god, when I'm her designated bodyguard (as *so* many guys make crass moves at her, because she is quite beautiful) it *pisses* them off to see a woman of her calibre kissing a smaller, younger guy (even if it's only a peck)! We both find it exilerating to tell asshole men that we are married when they act vulgar towards her...and I even had to get in a fight with an italian waiter who inexplicably took off all his pants while dancing (to no music) right in front of her and using very nasty language :o

Nah, shilvary is not dead. Only women >25 care. Good riddance; I've only met — count it! — *one* intelligent single woman under the age of 30 in the last decade and the chances of us having a relationship are slim to none according to her, lol. Besides, dating these older women is ... dangerous...It's like a totally ethical affair and I think that's why they like it too, lol. all I can say is that I'm going to have a LOT of fun in ~5 years when all the honies stop thinking I'm too "young" for them :p


Time spent composing this document: 30 minutes.