A needle of Hope
amid a haystack of Chaos.

For the Record...

Created: Friday, May 20th, 2005
20:07:30 UTC
Last modified: Saturday, May 21st, 2005
14:16:30 UTC

What is 'love'? Something best defined by negation, like the question, "Who am I?" In our systemmically debased culture, fully 80% of the definitions of love are horribly self-centered and even vulgar. My love for Crefn did not arise spontaneously due to rampant biological urges but from a conscious decision. Yes, love is primarily a decision. A decision to be willing to sacrifice for the other. The more you will go, the more you love. Jesus summed it up nicely: "No greater love is there than a man who gives up his life for a friend."

The love I ha[ve|d] for Crefn is *NOT* cannot be primarily categorized as

Things my love for her could be:

Love is realizing their divine nature — the latent god[dess] in the person — to such an extent that you literally actualize the concept that you and them are one. Love is waiting years, even admist real fears that your love will be utterly (viciously?) unrequitted. True love is giving your life for a person just to find that they forsake you in the afterlife when you finally have the chance to be together again. Love is encouraging them to be all they can be and never fearing them becoming more powerful than yourself.

Love *is* encouragement and sacrifice, mixed with a cultivated sense of oneness. And apparently it is possible for this to be felt solely by one person in a relationship, although this will be exhaustively proven in just a few days now.

For the record, while I am trying my best to 'get on with [my] life' my spirit is doing so kicking and screaming. It's amazing how little grief I have felt; probably because there's *still* so many days of hope remaining [lol] and because I'm so much in the Now. Then again, I don't cry over the inevitable (for instance, death) and since she lives so far away, her snubbing me would be the equivalent of a friend dying in my book. No, I will never shed a single additional tear at the prospect of not having her in my life.

I just want to shake every one that talks to her daily and go, "YOU FLAMING IDIOTS!!! WHY DO YOU TAKE HER ATTENTION FOR GRANTED?!?!!?" I'm still looking for some one who would be inspired to do that to my friends :-)

Time spent composing this document: 35 minutes