A needle of Hope
amid a haystack of Chaos.

Most Enlightened Film

Created: Sunday, May 22nd, 2005
21:03:37 UTC
Last modified: Sunday, May 22nd, 2005
21:04:37 UTC

If there's one huge paradigm shift I've had in 2005 it is that God[dess], Reality and Life are intrinsically One and Individual: my Trinity. And a corollary: God[dess] does not — cannot — judge, yet some things just 'happen' out of habbit and reinforced thought: Gravity, the 2nd law of thermodynamics, self-deprecation of suicides to the point that they cannot escape the Hell of their own creation, etc.

Since it points out virtually all of this through great casting, acting, visuals, metaphor, and theme, What Dreams May Come [trailer] has to be the most enlightened movie I have ever watched. If they had only stressed the atemporal nature of the afterlife more — in that "time" is completely permeable and maneuverable as terrain is in this realm — it would be 100% demonstrative of how things must be. Indeed, this movie is my all-time, hands-down, no-contest favorite movie in the entire world; and so few in our debased global culture have seen it.

One of the only other films to capture the true essence of love — based upon how I feel towards Crefn — is the movie A Beautiful Mind in that his wife stuck by him through thick and thin, in sickness and in health, even when he totally snubbed her and even — unintentionally — abused her. Love is taking care of a sick daughter for decades even though she cannot fully verbalize phrase except, "I wannnnn" in response to the query, "Tell them you want to live!" Love is waiting for some one to have the opportunity to meet you again, even though there is no "reason" for them to wait so long; and it is reuniting with the person who has waited for you.

More and more I realize that Love is the conscious decision to put your own selfish nature on hold, or even go against it, treat the other as more than yourself, and in the end realize that you are divine the split second you see it in her; which is totally independent of how she reacts to you. Indeed, sainthood comes — so I have been told — when you can spontaneously and implicitly realize that your tormentor is more divine than yourself, for doing so you immediately realize that you both are equally great. Yet without the initial humility, you will continue to see both yourself and the other as less than pefect; mediocre at best.

I see the divine spark in others. I think it's just incredible how much hate and suffering is on this planet, but we could totally change it overnight...all we have to do is have empathy. The result of apathy is hate, the result of not having empathy is unreciprocated love, and the result of non-enlightment is a feeling of betrayal from one's love being unreciprocated.

I, for one, am totally exuberent that I could spend one solid week with Crefn; it was the best time of my life, yet as I have realized in recent weeks for the first time, it won't be the last, and it doesn't even have to include her. The other major insight I have recieved is that God[dess] needs nothing and God[dess] wants nothing now or later.

To want some thing now or later is an active affirmation that such a thing is not already the case; some thing I desperately lost hold of for the very first time in late March 2005. I have since refocused, gotten firmly in The Now, and am manifesting positive energy once more [this is all incredibly recent; +/- 12 hours, heh]. That said, I'm a pretty monogamous, loyal, dedicated, persevering, long-suffering type of guy so I don't really give a damn if I stay single for the rest of my life, meet up with Crefn in October, find some one else tomorrow.

I believe my next major lesson is to firmly embrace — with articulated, sincere positiveness — the concept of going through this life without a soulmate; for if she doesn't recognize me this decade, who's to say she wno't the next? There is the possibility that I haven't met 'her' yet, but that seems so remote that it's actually right behind the firm faith I have that reincarnation is indeed the nature of the universe.

One major thing to realize is that in my mind soulmate is devoid of sex. I've never really liked sex, I've never really experienced it, it feels too ... too ... too *physical*. Most of my life I can firmly embrace the concept that I'm not my body; in waking, in sleep, especially when drowsily awake, and even in mortal danger and real pain. Hell, in painful and/or dangerous situations I frequently go out of my body and have even greater confirmation that Life isn't what is sold to you during the Nightly News!

Sex just ... it just feels weird. I've gone my entire life without focusing on my body and that one week — while great — still leaves me feeling .. unsettled; like I was being tied down to a body I have no intention of keeping past its due-back date.

I view a soulmate as one who would want to share my life with me. A non-judgemental friend who would die for me and me for her ... I don't know why I find it so difficult to imagine a soulmate as any thing but a woman, but I always ... i've never connected to a guy like I have a handful of women. Maybe it's just me; maybe that's another thing I have to work on in this incarnation...but it seems like it should wait till the next, personally.

So much to, do so much time [wasted], and so little hope [sic] from others.

Time spent composing this document: 30 minutes.